What's in a Choice?

Harper's hands shook violently as she watched her mother and father take turns screaming insults in each other's direction. The small six-year-old felt like a bug amidst the angry shouts crescendoing through the living room. Her mother threw belongings into trash bags in a frenzy while her father began dumping all of the objects out onto the floor.

Harper felt lost and confused, unable to make sense of what was happening. Her mother was screaming swear words at her father, accusing him of being selfish and irresponsible. Her father was yelling back, telling her mother that she was overreacting and that he didn't deserve to be treated this way.

"Andrea, just listen to me," Harper's father shouted, throwing a bag down to the floor with a harsh Bang.

"I think I've done enough listening," her mother exclaimed with tears welling in her eyes. "All you ever do is lie! Come here, Harper."

The petrified child stood in the doorway, unmoving.

"Calm down, Andrea! Can't you see, Harper is shaking! Look at what you're doing to this family! Harper, Honey, you can come to Daddy. Everything will be okay. You don't have to go anywhere," he began sweetly.

"I am ruining this family? I am the one who has been fucking my secretary and lying about it? I'm the one who abandoned this family?"

Every time Harper heard her parents yelling, she felt an intense urge to escape from the situation. Witnessing their anger towards each other was downright terrifying. It seemed impossible for her to choose a side in the argument. Neither her mother nor father resembled the loving parents that she had known her entire life.

"Harper, come here!" Her mother's sharp yell brought her back to reality.

"Before she could even process her thoughts or say anything, her body took over. She turned around and ran towards her bedroom as if her life depended on it. To her, it actually did. As soon as she reached her almost empty room, she quickly slammed the door and ran to the closet."

From where she sat, hyperventilating and rocking in the corner, she could see the dresser drawers all opened revealing bare wood inside, two black trash bags filled with clothes, and a smashed picture frame knocked off her bed stand. This was no longer her bedroom, this was no longer her home, and this was no longer her family.

When the door creaked open, her entire body tensed up. Her mother's silhouette came in followed by her father's. They stopped fighting and their voices were softer now, more familiar.

"My dove," began Harper's mother. She placed her hand gently on her daughter's shoulder as though it were made of glass. Harper threw her arms around her mother's waist and sobbed into her, as the two crumbled to the floor. They both cried and held each other for a long while, saying nothing. Not even her father could find the right things to say.

When both of their tears had ceased, her mother began,

"I know that this is confusing," her mother tried to soothe. "Daddy did some bad things... and now Mommy and Daddy aren't going to be together anymore."

Harper's mother pulled away from the embrace to look into her daughter's eyes. "Do you understand, honey, you have to pick who you're going to live with."

No, Harper did not understand. What did her daddy do that was so bad? Maybe if he said sorry, her mother would forgive him. She begged her mother to know what her father did, told her that he was sorry and wouldn't do it again, and pleaded for things to stay the same, but her mother refused to say more than, "Daddy did a bad thing."

"What about my friends at school? Will I have to leave them," the six-year-old asked with puffy eyes.

"No, honey! Absolutely not, if you stay here with me," her father said, kneeling beside her.

"Where would we go, Mommy?" Harper asked.

"Grandma's house," her mother replied.

Harper barely knew her grandmother. She lived all the way in New York, which felt like such a long drive away to her. They only made the trip up once or twice a year.

Harper thought about going with her mother and her tummy knotted up. She didn't want to leave her friends or her grandma and grandpa, but she didn't want to be away from her mommy either. Besides, it was her daddy who did the bad thing.

Harper was faced with a difficult decision after her parents explained their sides to her. On one hand, her mother reassured her that she had plenty of cousins in New York and that her Grandma had a big new bedroom ready for her. On the other hand, her father promised her normalcy and reassured her that things did not have to change as much if she chose to stay. Despite their reassurances, Harper still had to choose which parent to go with.

As she whispered, "I'll go with Mommy," she couldn't bring herself to look at either of her parents. The words sounded empty and hollow. When she finally looked up at her mother, she hoped to see some sort of reassurance or approval, but all she could see was sadness etched on her mother's face. The same mournful expression was mirrored on her father's face too. Both sets of eyes looked distant and full of sorrow.

For a moment or two, the silence hung thick in the room before Harper's father stood to his feet and extended his hand to her. "Alright, Honey, it's getting late," he said with a false smile and a tender tone. "You and your mom ought to head out if you're going to get there before bedtime."

Harper accepted his hand, though reluctantly. Once on her feet, she hugged him tight, not wanting the moment to fade. Tears once again started forming in her eyes. She hated having to leave him and the house behind more than anything.

Harper's mother stood up and took her hand in hers, lovingly squeezing it three times to express her love. Then Harper, her mother, and her father silently walked to the front door, too exhausted to say anything after the events of the night.

Harper made her way to the back seat of the car, buckled herself in, and waited for her mother to bring out their belongings. As she sat there, she couldn't help but wonder if she made the right decision. Nothing felt right at the moment. There was a gaping hole in her heart, and she felt like nothing could remedy it.