Losing and Finding Her Voice

Finally, I get to showcase my original song! Well… it’s at an open mic next week at Latte Da, and between spoken words and cover songs, I’ll perform my original. And sure, most people will mostly just be thinking about their act, not appreciating my performance as deeply as they could, but it’s a start! Truly, I’d rather perform in front of people sipping coffee, half-listening to me as they gossip with friends, than to still be making coffee, dreaming of music all hours of the day. Everyone starts somewhere.

“I just asked how your day was…”

“I know, Jenna! … so will you be there?” Cara asked her bestie.

“Of course I will, dummy. I’m just teasing. But seriously. How are you?”

“Ugh… I mean, I’m okay. Mostly, I’m just tired. I feel as though I am floating through life most of the time. I exist. I work. I do things. I’m functional. But I haven’t really lived yet.”

“I hate that I know exactly what you mean, Cara.”

“You? Miss. Positivity, Boss Babe? The thing is, you’re living your dream, Jenna. You’re a mom, and you have a thriving side gig making digital resources for teachers. You have a husband who worships you and a beautiful home. Can you really relate?”

I could tell Jenna was a bit annoyed at my insinuation since she clanged around the kitchen pouring the ice and soda in her glass as she responded.

“You know what, you’re basically an auntie to my kids, so don’t forget that’s important. The truth is, yes, all of that is true, but I’m exhausted too. It sometimes feels like I’m in an endless loop. It’s all good stuff. GREAT stuff. I think I just still need a break, or a breakthrough, to find something that’s only mine that I love to do and can spend the rest of my life doing - outside of being a mom and wife.”

I realized she understood more than I first gave her credit for.

“Oh Jen… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to reduce what you’re feeling. Maybe this open mic will be good for us both. After I sing my original to strangers (except you, of course), we’ll figure out what that thing is for you!”

***

Quickly going to recent calls to call Jenna.

“C’mon, c’mon… please don’t be nap-trapped or something.”

“Cara? You good? You never call me this early in the day.”

Coughs and clears throat. “I can barely talk. Throat is scratchy and I’m squeaking out what voice I have left. I can’t believe this. We were talking up a storm two days ago. The open mic is in three days!”

“We should keep talking then. But text me. Tell me everything you need.”

Moments later, Cara texts a list:

Lemons

Throat coat tea

Iodized salt

“You got it, bestie.”

***

Two hours later, Jenna brings the list of items to Cara’s door, along with fresh garlic and garlic chips, slippery elm, marshmallow root capsules, elderberry syrup, a homemade immunity tonic with turmeric and black pepper and cayenne pepper in some orange juice Jenna made. There even was some homemade chicken noodle soup and a drawing from one of Jenna’s kids. There also was a note saying “Didn’t wanna get sick. But here are some supplies! Looking forward to the open mic this week.”

Jenna rang the doorbell and yelled “ding dong ditch, sis!” then giggled as she ran to the car. Cara shook her head between coughs as she saw her crazy best friend be her totally wacky self. Then she glanced at the box, which unsurprisingly had way more than she asked for. Cara saw the soup and thought to herself that the soup Jenna makes is always to die for, but she always was sort of skeptical it actually had any properties to make her feel better let alone bring her voice back. She couldn’t talk much, but she absolutely couldn’t sing. Good thing she knows her song inside and out… no chance to practice again would be survivable if her voice returns.

***

The next day

Cara wakes to a Jenna-fashioned voice message that’s over 5 minutes long and sent before the sun is up. She was the early bird. Cara was the night owl. In over 5 minutes, Jenna had somehow asked how she was, encouraged her about the open mic, and explained her full day she had before Cara awoke around 8:30 a.m.

“Dang girl… you sure have been productive.” Cara’s text read. “I’m like 10% better.”

“Progress!” Jenna said with about four smiley faces. Always the optimistic one!

“Soup was amazing! Tonic next.”

Jenna gave that a thumbs up.

***

Day before open mic

Cara called Jenna at her normal post-sunrise time.

“You’re calling! Is your voice back? Who am I kidding? Of course it is, since you’re calling.”

“Well, 90% back! I can speak pretty much normally now. I need to rest my voice and make this call short. But even if I had to sing like this, I can do it. It’ll sound more loungey and jazzy, but I can do it.”

“Woo! Hallelujah. Finish that fresh garlic, tea, and heck, eat an onion or put one on your foot under a sock tonight! Whatever you have to do. Don’t forget to do that saline rinse again too! You’ve got this.”

“I’ve got this.” Cara said back, then hung up.

***

Day of open mic

As they entered the coffee shop, it was about what they expected. Most of the people there had guitars, coffees in hand, and a spouse or friend alongside them. Lights were dim, chairs were crowded around.

Cara tried not to look anyone in the eyes because she was already feeling her heart pound.

As if Jenna could hear it beating beyond her chest, she stopped walking, grabbed Cara’s face, and gave her a nod. That’s it. No words. Just non-verbal affirmation. Cara wasn’t first to perform, but Jenna held her hand for that long twenty minutes until she went on. As Cara stood to get on stage, Jenna gave her hand a squeeze upon release.

Jenna took it upon herself to film Cara, at the very least for her own enjoyment. If it went well, she’d post it to brag about her bestie later.

***

The next day

“Cara! Cara!” She heard Jenna outside her front door, so she bolted from the kitchen, coffee in hand, robe still secure from waking up an hour ago. As she opened the door, Jenna almost ran her over as she kept her eyes locked on the phone as she said “that video of your original song is VIRAL girl. You didn’t even need to sound loungey at all. SO PROUD!”

“HA yes, I see all the comments now. Most are pretty nice!”

“Nice? So much support. You’ll be famous by next week.”

“Uh huh…” Cara said with skepticism and a smile. Part of her sort of hoped it would be true though.

“You know Cara, when you lost your voice, I left you a whole box of get-well goodies and-”

“Yes, and I’m grateful! I hope you know. And it meant so much to see you smiling and trying to mouth the words to my song at the open mic night.”

“I know! What I was going to say was I got so happy you liked the soup and tonic. I left so many other things, but the things I made with love were the things you commented on to me. It made me realize something.”

“That you almost never get sick even with two kids?”

“HAHA true, but no.”

“That you missed your calling as a famous chef?”

“Shucks! You flatter me. But yes, I missed my calling, I suppose, but not as a chef.”

“Oh? Did you find your thing?! I haven’t been the best friend lately, all wrapped up in being sick and nervous and--”

“Shush! I think so! I hope so, anyway. I’m going to get licensed as a nutritionist! Maybe I’ll make it another business. But mostly, I may just make content about foods and supplements that heal the body, even if it’s just online for now. Something clicked when I gave you the box of supplies.”

Cara practically flew as she jumped and hugged Jenna! They jumped around mid-hug as if Jenna said she had just won a million dollars.

“I’m so proud of you!” Cara said with glee.

“It feels good to have a direction that’s all my own finally.”