Never can’t say goodbye

I always thought that people with powers were special. Not on my list. I’m just getting out my teens into becoming a woman, another human being fighting for a survival in a surreal world. 

The fist chapter is completed. Went to school, did ny homework, listened to mom and dad, they were proud of me. Was not into drugs, was not a recruit for gangs out in the street. I stayed home, at dawn, when school activities ended, went home, either to finish my homework or preparing for a test. Nope, I was not a nerd. No way, NOT on this life. I felt like that wasn’t my forte, I wanted to enjoy and have fun, school was like going to jail, snd recess where too short. My scaling from reality was drawing and copying cartoons from my favourite tv show. I dreamt with having my own show, or a novel, or a movie, who knows? It sounds like a ‘Cinderella’ story. 

I never found my crystal show. My Prince Charming never came riding a white, two tone caramel Brabant horse. Yeah of course, I was the lady waiting for Prince Charming to come and rescue me. Ha, ha, keep dreaming.

One night I had like what everyone calls - a premonition. But I wasn’t there. I wasn’t the main character. I was the observer. But I could feel and understand the feelings of what that person was experiencing at that time. I felt like there was a transparent wall, muffling every yell and scream, every bang and kick I used to make that person snap out of the intense commitment this person was about to embark into. I yelled, I kicked, I sweared, I cried out of frustration. Just for a second it seemed this person stopped. This person kinda turned its face towards to where the sound was coming from. ME. This person was way too far for me to recognize it’s expression. Crap. I needed glasses, binoculars, something. My curiosity increased and my body went into a trance.

I was woken up by something I felt by the side of my bed. It felt like someone sat on the side of my bed. I tried to yell - help me mom, hey dad!

Air cane inside my lungs, but no voice cane out. I tried to convince myself- this is a nightmare, this is a dream. 

As I was falling sleep, something touched and started to rub my stomach. If I close my eyes and fall sleep, it will go away. I fell asleep. It went away. Ok, tomorrow will another day, I can see my mom and dad, and specially my brothers laughing so hard when I tell them, I will never ever say a word where s person came just to rub my stomach. Dressed in black.

Didn’t look at me, just sadly sat at my bedside and rubbed my stomach. No expressions, no word. No nothing.

The next day, after elaborating my embarrassing story and getting ready to accept the humiliation.

I sat down at the table. No one said anything. They just ate the breakfast Mom always prepared. I looked at them, but their looks were empty, no emotions, no words, no nothing.

I kinda coughed to break the silence served on the table. Here I go I thought, get ready for the morning humiliation’

I immediately sensed a deep sadness. No more smiles, no more stupid jokes from my brother. My other two brothers were away already, one to University snd the other to his motocross tournament. It was a uncomfortable feeling, I tried to find the warming summer sunshine to warm my face. Even the sun was not shining. No more warming embracing feeling. Confident to my core, I proceeded and sat at the table to join the silent no emotion conversation. I sat down. I noticed, I was far from the table. I pulled the chair to get closer to the table. It felt heavy. I kinda tripped, causing the milk glasses and coffee cups spill a bit of its contents. Mom didn’t pronounce a word.

Everyone just sat eating. Oh fuck I thought this is stupid. Determined to break the stupidity that was growing in front of me, I de used to break the sad silence.

Hey, - you know what happened to me? Did you hear me calling? Was it you Bert coming to bother me? Is this one of your funny pranks? Common brother, you have to accept it was you! Nobody said a word. They just kept eating. No comments. Mom served coffee and sat down. No words. She looked like she about to cry, but she did kept her emotions inside. Being born and raised in Chinese traditions, expressing feelings snd emotions was not allowed, specially for women. No way Mom was to express what she felt.

I got frustrated, no way I will keep it to myself. Something inside of me was telling me to say it, no matter what against the prevailing silence in the breakfast room.

‘I think Bert was playing a trick on me. I said. I looked at my lovely brother to see his reaction. Nope. He had the shady look I’ve ever seen. I sensed something was wrong. I was afraid to ask.

Instead, I went ‘were you Bert Ora king me again? Bert was the king of the pranks snd I didn’t want ti give him the credit IMO. This one. I kinda felt envy of his prankish accomplishments. Silence made its appearance and was to stay for long. I continued saying, ‘I think Bert did another of his glorious pranks, I’m sick and tired of them! This has to stop, you know!……

Nothing. No words, nothing, no expressions. Even the summer breeze that used to come thru the window and briefly blow the see thru curtains, stopped. I decided to continued after I finished eating my toast with peach jam and coffee.

Somebody came yesterday, sat at my side of the bed. Was it you Bert? Is this another if your pranks? You have to leave alone! Let me sleep! Bert just looked at me. Then he looked down at his plate where fried eggs and bacon were waiting for him. My plans to start a brawl didn’t work. I felt I was loosing ground. Crap. What the fuck is going on?

I became frustrated- nothing was working. I started to feel sick to my stomach. What hell? I had that dream. Is that a premonition of my stupid stomachache I have now? Ok I go - I need food. 10 minutes later- I think, I broke the silence. I unexpectedly burped. It was an unusual burped. Bert couldn’t keep his exploding laughing, broke his silence. It was you the one that came and sat in my bed!

Dad trews his cutlery on the table besides his floral plate and grabs the napkin to clean his mouth. Ok - go ahead, what happened to you yesterday night? If Bert did it again, Bert, you will be punished! You know you have to leave your sister alone!

You had to see the big smile my face drew. I fell I won the lottery. Instead, I noticed the sad yin the air. My big accomplishment couldn’t be celebrated.

Mom started to cry. Big huge tears came down her cheeks. Bert’s watery eyes along with his red chubby cheeks, were not uttering the truth. I sensed again, something was wrong but could not tell exactly what it was. I felt immensely frustrated. I’m loosing my touch. I was prepared to retrieve, take my supporting forces and go home.

Mom stands up, walks towards me and kneels besides my chair. She looks straight at me and spells the truth.

You know - Mom says. She took a deep breath and with watery eyes divulged the truth- do you remember Carlos, your uncle?

I tried hard to remember him. I was like a human Rolodex, trying to find which of all the uncles I met was Carlos. 

I remember a guy that always came to visit me - his favourite niece. Back from his trips, he always brought a souvenir for me. He also took the opportunity to check his car a black Ford, ‘67 black sedan. Aha I got it Tío Carlos’ I said. Mom broke into tears.

Mom said to me, do you remember him? U know he lives you so much! Mom sobbed.

Tío Carlos died. 5 days ago. He is not coming back again. No more souvenirs for me. The truth of his passing were not revealed for me until a couple of months later, when the mourning of his passing ended.

One Sunday morning, when all sat down at the usual Sunday breakfast table, Mom, Dad and Bert together, I decided to reveal my secret. I started by saying, I have something to tell you. Bert said- I difuso anything to you sister! No more accusing me! That stopped a king time ago!

I said- chill brother, is not you today.

Two nights ago, I felt some one came to play a prank on me. This person sat down, did look at me, but he had his face looking down like being sad and reached to my stomach. He gently rubbed my stomach in a circular manner like when you have a stomachache. I wanted to call you guys but couldn’t. Had ni voice. U froze.

Mom turned to me again and said. I have bad news, your uncle Carlos left us. He passed away. There was an investigation done because his death was suspicious. Forensics found out he was poisoned. They have issued a request to expand investigations on who might have been the killer. 

The killer was never found they ruled it was suicide.