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Funny Fiction

Beth gets up for work every morning, makes coffee, showers, gets dressed, gulps coffee, eats breakfast and leaves for work. Her routine continues. She works as a project manager at the nearest marketing firm. A job she went to college for even though her father told her to become a nurse. 

Yesterday the Monday blues settled in. Beth cried on her sofa and watched reruns of drama tv shows.  Before bed, Beth decided to lay out her clothes. She settled on a modest tan p skirt and a white collared shirt, underwear, and stockings. 

This morning, the sun blew through Beth’s blinds in her bedroom and she smiled. Maybe Mondays aren’t so bad. She grabbed her phone and took a picture of the sunrise peering from her bedroom blinds and quickly posted it to her social media pages. Stepping out of bed, she slid her slippers over her feet and shuffled down the hall to the kitchen to start brewing her coffee. The smell of her favorite medium roast wafted into the bedroom and bathroom. She couldn’t help but stray from the usual routine and grab her coffee just to have a few sips. Beth sets the warm mug on her dresser. She reached over to the clothes she picked out the previous evening. With an overwhelming exuberance, she whipped her skirt onto the bed and knocked into her coffee. The coffee spilled and stained her tan underwear she wore every Monday. “Ah, man!” she threw the now stained underwear into the laundry basket and quickly began to sift through her underwear drawer. Purple, no. Pink, no. Red, no. Green, ah yes, green. Sliding the green underwear on, she slowly pulled over her stockings and skirt to finish getting dressed. Beth sipped what was left of her now lukewarm coffee. I must’ve gained a few pounds since last week. She pulled and pulled to get the stockings up but they would not budge. Riiiip. Digging through her drawer frantically, she noticed she had twenty minutes until she had to be at work. “I’m going to be late!”  Beth slid her skirt on and tucked her shirt in, chugged the last of her coffee, and shoved a piece of toast in her mouth. 

Driving to work, she realized she forgot her shoes. She remembered she had an extra pair in the trunkr. “Yess! One thing is going right today!” Beth stepped out of her car and looked down. These shoes are PURPLE. Why do I keep PURPLE shoes in the car? Her footsteps were heavy as she shuffled through the gravel into the tall office building. She waved to the first coworker. 

“Hey Tom!”

“Heeeey Beth!” He winked as he greeted her. 

“Hey Beth!” Another voice shouted from behind her. 

“Oh my gosh, Andrew! It has been..forever!” 

Andrew whistled and also winked. 

“Why a wink? Why are you winking?” Beth brushed her skirt and straightened her shirt as she tucked it in. In the corner of her eye she noticed not only had her skirt ripped but her underwear was visible through her skirt. 

“What!?!” She ran back to the car. Ok, ok what do I do? Frantically looking at the time, she started her car and drove to the nearest gas station. Arriving at the gas station, she ran inside and purchased  a pair of shorts from the souvenir section. Sliding them on as she got in the car, she noticed she had to be at her desk in two minutes. She rushed back to her office building. The reflection in the glass doors reminded her how uncoordinated she looked in her purple shoes, dress shirt, and gas station shorts with a logo on her butt  Her boss was standing at her desk waiting for her,  unfazed by her outfit choice. 

“FREEZE!” her boss, Jen, screamed. Before you drop your lunch off or use the restroom, I need to speak with you at your desk. 

Out of breath from running up the stairs, Beth dropped her bags on the floor and plopped in her chair.

“Open your spreadsheets and your calendar, now!” Jen, grabbing her chest, struggled to get another word out. She slammed her hands on the desk multiple times.  “I was calling you all morning. We had an unexpected client come into town.”

Not a word was said as Beth’s eyes scanned the screen. Beth’s foot tapped in sync with the loading icon. Hurry, Hurry, Hurry. Her calendar loaded on the screen. To her surprise, she had a meeting early this morning she was supposed to be at. “I swear I didn’t hear you call me. I…” She grabbed her phone out of her bag. It was sticky from the coffee creamer. Holding the power button, she noticed it wouldn’t turn on no matter how hard she held it down. The computer screen kept showing loading symbols in several attempts to open her spreadsheets. 

Slam! Her phone was in pieces against her computer desk. Shards of glass were everywhere. 

“Beth! How could you….” Jen went running to the bathroom. 

“OH my gosh, oh my gosh, what happened?” Beth stood up and noticed her boss was now dripping blood. 

 Beth called an ambulance. She sat with Jenn and wrapped her arm in her sheer skirt she couldn't wear. 

Paramedics arrived and placed Jen on a gurney. A man in an EMS uniform ran over to Beth. “You must be the woman that saved Jen.” 

“Saved?” 

“Yes, Ma’am. She not only needed a few stitches, but she was also having early symptoms of a heart attack.” 

“A, uh, what? Heart attack?”

“Yes, thank you, you have a good day.”

Beth stood there, unable to move, as she was approached by a group of people. 

“You must be Beth.”

“Who are you?”

“We are the fashion designer clients, you missed our meeting, where’s Jen?” 

“She had an emergency.” Beth moved to her chair and began to breathe yet again. 

“Jenn didn’t tell us her coworker had a fabulous sense of style.” 

“Yes, I was styled by the gas station.”

“Well hopefully you’ll be working with us.”

Beth smiled, “Well, I’ll be having my coffee the same time I had this morning.”

May 29, 2021 02:22

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