The Atheist

Having had its doors locked hours earlier, the parking lot of the church was empty. The night sky was clear and the moon was bright and full and lit the suburban landscape blue and white. The air was still apart from a small breeze every now and then weaving its way through the leaves of the trees. In the middle of the church parking lot, a single car sat parked. The engine softly buzzed as a young man leaned back in the driver’s seat and listened to the sound of the cool air coming out through the vents. He blankly stared out the windshield at the stone church.

I know you’re there. You hear me don’t you? You’re real. I know you are. The universe and existence are too expansive for this all to just happen. Something had to create this. But what? A God? Yes, a God. Specifically, you. The one I talk to now. The most important being in and beyond the universe. You created me and humans and everything else. Everything that exists, exists because of you. But what created you? Or did you create yourself? And if you created yourself, how did you know to create yourself? How can a pre-being that does not live, come to live without the help of parents? I would say it can’t. So, God must have parents. Yes. And grandparents and infinitely on.

Dirt and clay and rocks don’t have parents though. Water and fire and wind don’t have parents, but they exist. The universe doesn’t have a mother or a father as far as I know. God, you created them. How? I don’t know. But I have faith. Somehow you created all this. I don’t know how, but you did it.

It’s weird to think how intelligent humans are, but at the same time, think of how ignorant we are. We’ve created so much and it feels like humanity is old and civilization has progressed so much since we were just wanderers. The truth, most likely, is that human civilization and humanity itself is still very young and we have so much more to explore and grow. But what does God have to say about this? Why don’t we ever hear from him? If he’s real, you’d think he’d come talk to us at least every now and then. Like, I’m at a church now. Isn’t this a place to communicate with God? Apparently he can hear us, but we can’t hear him.

Nonetheless, existence is too large and complicated for mere coincidences. Some super-being had to have had a hand in creation.

The young man rolled down the window. Sticking his head partially out, he rested his head on the door and looked up at the night sky. Behind the full moon, the stars were few and far.

The world is such a beautiful place. How this all was ever created is beyond me. Everything is so little and insignificant when scaled out infinitely; yet so impactful and important when looked at from close up. There’s so much stuff within the universe which makes me feel small and unimportant. This is probably because I am small and unimportant. I’m just one of many beings. One …. Two …. Three …. Four …. Five …. Infinity. But still, I am!

The young man laughed.

I actually enjoy my lack of importance. It takes the pressure away. The universe doesn’t expect anything from me. Only humans expect me to do something with my life. Why? I couldn’t say. I kind of just wanna take it easy until I die. Why do humans make society, life, existence, so complicated? Why do we stress out about money and power so much? I know the answer I would get back would be to maximize chances of survival. Everything humans do is maximize the chances of our species survival. 

Why do I sit here tonight? To get alcohol for friends. Why do I want to get them alcohol? So, they like me. Why do I want them to like me? So, I can be in the group. Why do I want to be in the group? Because being in a group maximizes my chances of survival and thrival. 

Leaning forward, the young man turned on the radio. He never listened to talk radio, preferring rhythm and tempo to the monotone voices of unknown men. This time though, he decided to listen to the men. There were three of them and they were having a debate over which kitchen utensil they could live without: fork or spoon. Over the next couple minutes, the three agreed they could not live without a fork. Forks can poke and grab food whereas spoons cannot. And if they need to consume a liquid like a broth or melted ice cream, they could just lift the bowl and drink from it.

As the young man listened to the men, a light moved across the interior of the car. The young man turned around. Headlights were approaching. He calmly waited until the car pulled up next to him.

Both front doors of a Wrangler opened. One boy, who got out of the front passenger's seat, ran over to the grass and began to dry-heave. Another boy, who was driving, walked around the back of the Wrangler. The young man got out of his own car and walked up to the back of the Wrangler.

“Whaddup. Whaddup. How you doin’ boss.”

“I’m doin’. You?” said the young man.

“Doin’,” he said, looking into the young man’s eyes as he pulled a plastic bag out of the trunk and handed it to the young man. The young man took it and put it in his back seat.

Returning to the back of the Wrangler, the two looked over at the boy who was leaning over with his hands on his knees.

“I’ve been dealing with this all night,” the boy smirked. They continued to watch, and laugh a little, as the friend continued to gag. He got down on his knees and eventually curled up in the grass.

“What happened?”

“He swallowed dip.”

They continued to watch.

“Hey,” the young man said, pausing, then turning his head to ask the boy a question. “Why we doin’ this in the parking lot of a church?”

“I mean probably because we’re not gonna get in trouble here. Like, who would suspect anyone to do this here.”

“I guess.”

“Gotta get the Lord's protection if you know what I mean,” the boy joked.

His friend eventually got up and began slowly walking back to the Wrangler. His eyes were wet and his face red as he passed them without acknowledging them. He got back in the front passenger seat and gently shut the door.

“So, what’d you got planned, bossman?”

“Just drinkin’ with the guys. You?”

“Probably just drop him off at home, then go to the cabin. You ever been to the cabin?”

“Once.”

“Pretty chill right?”

“The insides okay, but the patio and the bonfire area and the pool are nice.”

“One-hundred percent. The house itself is pretty ugly, but the backyard is why people go,” he paused, “You know, this is a pretty nice spot. I think I might make this my new spot.”

“Yeah? Am I your first client here?”

“Yes sir,” they both laughed.

“It’s peaceful.”

“Very. You a religious man?”

“No.”

“Same. But I like the feeling I’m getting around here.”

“I think that’s the wealth of the church rather than God that’s giving you that feeling.”

The boy laughed. “Probably. I do like my wealth.”

The young man then abruptly ended the conversation, “Well, have a good night man.”

“You as well. You as well.”

The two dapped and then went back to their respective cars. The Wrangler quickly drove away into the night, disappearing into the trees.

For a moment, the young man looked at the church in the darkness, and then left.