The Last Sunset

With each step, my feet were enveloped by the soft white sand, and the occasional seashell would unpleasantly make its rough and spiny presence known to me. We stopped right before the water to admire the sunset, a brilliant masterpiece that only mother nature could contrive. A single firework burst directly above us, which I assumed was to commemorate a birthday further down the shore.

“I wish this summer would never end” I whispered under my breath.

My younger sister turned to me, her eyes and somber expression conveying silent agreement. The sun was setting on our family vacation. It had risen with promises of warmth and gently descended on the horizon in vibrant multicolored hues. Though at this moment, it was hard to believe that this was the same sun that had been lovingly kissing my skin for the past five days. As it inched closer towards the glistening turquoise Caribbean Sea, that feeling of dread overcame me, which had haunted me each vacation before. The foreboding reminder that once it rises again, we will have returned to the place we started, and the joyous memories we collected will slowly and painfully fade away. As the sun was bidding its last goodbye, one solemn tear escaped through the cracks of its strict confinement. And in that moment, my blurry vision began to deceive me- because I thought that I had seen the sun beginning to rise again. 

I wiped my eyes, and when they opened, a terrifying sight was before me. Four people were standing directly in front of me, who bore a striking resemblance to the ones at my side only a second before. Faces towards the sea, watching the sunset were the silhouettes of my mother, my father, my sister, and… me? Too stunned to speak, I apprehensively made my way to the front of them, until I was face to face with indeed a clone of myself, as real as looking into a mirror. She- or rather, I, had the same green watery eyes, long chestnut brown hair which was slightly golden from the sun, and a single tear on a freckled cheek. And even stranger than this, this tear was traveling upwards, as if gravity had been reversed, until it found its place back from where it came. I frantically scanned the beach, searching desperately for any explanation I could find. A man ran past us, backwards, and behind him was the setting sun, though now it was higher above the horizon than I remember it being just a minute before. 

With a trembling breath, I managed, “What is happening?”

To my surprise, my other self responded in a whisper, in a language that was completely foreign to me. Before I could formulate another sentence, faint sparkles of blue, green and purple appeared in the sky. More began to materialize as the colors intensified. Suddenly, the vivid orbs rushed inward to a single point, and disappeared with a 'pop!' This triggered a realization in me, that this was the same firework I had seen before. Though now, everything was moving in reverse. Time itself had completely shifted. I turned back towards myself, and my double was gone, along with the rest of my family. I had spotted them halfway down the beach, faces towards me, moving swiftly in the opposite direction. 

I followed them, retracing the day and attempting to make sense of something which I was sure was a terrifyingly miraculous and groundbreaking phenomenon. As they deconstructed sandcastles and waves pulled their surfboards towards the horizon, I formulated a million questions in my mind. However, there was no one to ask these questions to. No matter how many attempts I made to communicate with myself or my family, or anyone else for that matter, it was as if I did not exist to them. The only time they spoke was in their new tongue, which I had now understood to be like a rewinding record. As they pulled food from their mouths and placed it back on their plates during lunch, I searched for anyone else who was moving forward with my same confusion, but there was no one to be found. The earth was now spinning on its axis in the opposite direction, and I seemed to be the only one left unaffected. 

The strange and perplexing day had reached its conclusion, or rather, its introduction. As the sunrise made its way back again towards the horizon and my family closed their eyes to sleep, I felt no tiredness whatsoever. I sat and cried throughout the night next to my sleeping body, eyes fixated on the counter-clockwise clock. I attempted to manufacture an explanation for this entirely unexplainable spell I had been put under. I chalked it up to being a devil’s curse, and I even considered the possibility that I had fallen and hit my head and was now experiencing coma-induced hallucinations. When 10 pm had arrived, my other self began restlessly shifting in bed, and her eyes opened suddenly, looking straight through me as if I was nothing more than a ghost. It was now night number four of our vacation. 

After watching in amazement at my sister and I washing our make-up on, and our clothes being thrown from the floor back onto our bodies, everyone hopped backwards into the car. I climbed in and sat between myself and my sister, second-guessing why I even bothered to put on my seatbelt. For a second I thought that perhaps I truly was a ghost and had already died. My father put the car in drive and reversed out of the hotel parking lot, and we made our way back to dinner for the second time. I still felt the residual horror of my new circumstance, however, I was all cried out. Even though we started the meal with dessert, and the laughing came before the punchlines, it was comforting to see my own smiling face. As we almost reached the beginning of our dinner, I realized that I did not feel hungry. I tried counting how many hours it had been since I had eaten or slept last, but I had given up on that math rather quickly. 

We returned to the beach again for another beautiful rising sunset, followed by snorkeling, and other backwards activities. My sister and I would occasionally emerge suddenly from the water and fly through the air until our feet safely landed back on the cliff ledge. From my current point of view, it appeared to be more exhilarating than the traditional way. As sunrise approached, it had occurred to me that as fast as the day had progressed, it had gone backwards just as swiftly. I stayed up throughout the night once again, with only a few tears shed this time around. In this new world, I did not feel hunger or the need to sleep. And as the third night of our trip was inching closer, I longed for normality and deliberated if I would ever receive it. 

The next two days flew by even quicker than the last, filled with more laughter than I had remembered. I started to hate the sound of music, which now had a strange and chaotic rhythm, but thoroughly enjoyed my family's new dance moves. Dancing in reverse seemed to be a lot more fun, and less embarrassing than the original, but I could not replicate them no matter how hard I tried. And although I could not understand or recall every conversation we had, looking in from the outside, it seemed that my sister and I had bonded a lot throughout this trip. Ever since she was little, we were constantly budding heads and arguing over any and every measly thing. However, as I watched her sleep that night, I really began to miss talking to her, and all those inconsequential disagreements seemed exceptionally trivial now. She slowly opened her eyes, signaling that the first night of vacation was finally here.

After dinner, we made our way back to the beach. I sat next to my other self and as she watched her first Caribbean sunset, I carefully analyzed her face. I knew the thoughts and feelings of this naive girl, who stupidly felt in that moment that she was as free as a bird. She was formulating a plan to ‘accidentally’ miss the plane that would inevitably drag her back to reality, shackling her as a prisoner once again. We both knew that she didn’t have the guts to actually follow through with her escape, but sometimes it was nice to dream of being courageous. I was here reliving this formerly blissful moment, yet I could not enjoy it the same way that she had, because for me, this was no longer the first sunset, but the last. That feeling of dread overcame me once again, and I couldn’t decide which final sunset was worse. Was it the one that incited fear of uncertainty, or the one where I knew exactly what was to come next? I found myself questioning for the second time what would happen if I missed the plane that once carried me to paradise. I decided almost immediately that I was going to see this through, and stick by her side for all that was to come, the good, and the bad.

I sat the entirety of the plane flight facing towards the back tail, and if it wasn’t for my foreknowledge of the plane having a safe take-off, a landing this sketchy would have surely been a cause for concern. The back wheels touched down and we were once again in California. The lump in my throat was gradually forming, and a feeling of uneasiness swept over me like a suffocating wave. This was triggered by the impending doom of being forced to relive the car ride that had ushered us to the airport. I once again sat between myself and my sister, unprepared for the inevitable. The tears appeared on my sister's face, and then on my past-self, but they were immediately sucked right back up. What unfolded was a stark juxtaposition to how I remembered it. Screams and insults from my father had no coherent meaning anymore, and they were swallowed right back into his mouth. The hurt and despondent expressions we wore transformed into innocent smiling faces. Now that time had been reversed, it felt as if this painful moment had been wholly erased from existence and replaced with my audible sigh of relief through unclenching teeth.

I began to settle into this topsy-turvy life, and found joy in how my story was being rewritten. Like magic, smashed toys would glue themselves back together, and objects flew from my body to my fathers hand like we were playing a wholesome game of catch. Cuts and bruises were healed instantly by his touch, and I would often race myself back home, as if we couldn’t wait to finally make it there. This version of my father always knew how to turn our tears into smiles. 

Several years had passed of replaying memories I had forgotten, and I eventually was spending a lot more time with my sister, when my other self was off doing something else that she thought was more important at the time. I didn’t know this, but when she was alone she would often draw pictures, which I found very entertaining to watch in reverse. And sometimes, it would even be pictures of me. However, as more time passed, and with each birthday party, I became increasingly concerned of what that meant for us. My sister was growing younger and younger until finally, the day I had been dreading had arrived. It was her first day on earth. I watched my parents hold her, something I wish I had done more when I had the chance. I had so many regrets, and spent the whole day wishing that I could do it all over again. From then on, as I watched my mother’s stomach shrink with time, I fell into a deep depression. Although I was able to keep the memories, the idea of her in the mind of my younger self was fading from existence. 

Her absence was a constant reminder that soon, it would be my turn to go. My life had become nothing more than a ticking time bomb. My vocabulary began to shrink, and I unlearned how to walk. I used to sometimes question what would come after life, but I never stopped to think of what comes before it. A feeling began to grow inside me that my complicated life was coming to a close. I wondered if I would just fade away into nothingness, but then again, I wondered a lot of things that I would never find the answer to. 

As the days were leading up to my birth, the depression subsided and I experienced a newfound peace. They were some of the happiest days of my life, spent watching my father and mother dote on me so diligently. It was nice to know that in my first and final days, I was loved so fiercely and unconditionally, and I never understood why it couldn’t have stayed that way back when my life had been moving forward. Then, on a chilly morning in October, we drove to the hospital and I said my last goodbyes, though I knew they couldn’t hear me. The doctor unwrapped me from my blanket and brought me over to my mother, and I knew that this was the end. I closed my blurry eyes and the last thing I felt was a single tear running down my cheek.

I grew impatient with the torturous delay, as it felt like I had been standing there forever. I wanted nothing more than for it all to be over with already. Curiosity got the best of me, so I wiped my eyes and hesitantly opened them. When I did, a terrifying sight was before me. It was the sun setting over a turquoise Caribbean sea. I stood for a moment in shock. The sun was undoubtedly going down, falling beneath the horizon. And, standing next to me was my sister, looking the same as she was when time decided to flip. Without hesitation, I snatched her up into my arms and ignored her feeble attempts to flee while my parents gawked in bewilderment.

My sister and I ‘accidentally’ missed our flight back home. And while she was often met with restless nights of worry and uncertainty, I slept more soundly than I had in a long, long time.