The Silent Retreat

This week was meant to be relaxing, rejuvenating and refreshing.  For the mind, body and soul. You came here when life got too busy, too much, too noisy. The aim was, you just be; you just be present, you just be yourself, you just be silent. The Silent Retreat.  We arrived Monday at twelve noon. We all bobbed in through the doors like soldiers, there are fourteen of us, which sounds a lot, but when nobody talks, it’s like being alone, even with that many people around you. We arrived, got our room key from the silent receptionist, and headed up to the rooms. The walls were medical white, and it smelt like disinfectant, that clean, germ free smell. The dinner bell sounded at five thirty which was a little strange, firstly, not having to cook or think about it, but secondly, I haven’t heard a bell for food since my school days, what, thirty years ago. Individually, we trudged down the stairs, and found our place at the table, which was set with name cards, flowers and cutlery, almost restaurant like. I sat there and couldn’t put my finger on the feeling, but sitting with thirteen other strangers, only knowing their name if I saw their name place card, not asking them any questions, was very peculiar. The tables were cleared by silent waiters and waitresses and then we were greeted by the second bell, which if you had read the folder in the room, you’d know that meant you were ‘dismissed’ from the dining room. The building, sort of had a hotel feel to it, but it also had that slight presence of a psychiatric hospital. It had gardens out the back that were enclosed by tall, stone walls, possibly fragile, but certainly not climbable. The gardens were beautiful, full of colour and scents that fill your nose with happy memories. I spent a fair few of my days that week strolling around the garden. I don’t think I ever went the same way twice. It had curving pavements of paths that flowed in and out of sections, some with tall plants, some with short plants, some visually outstanding, others with no display of any sort, but that just made you feel safe. 

I also spent a lot of my time sitting by the indoor pool. Think lots of us who went found this to be a wholesome place. Surrounded by others, yet, silence between us, just the glow of water lapping at the edge of the pool. I sat on my lounger with a book, smelling the chlorine, and on the odd occasion dipping my toes in. I wasn’t particularly interested in swimming,although there were posters all around us that encouraged us with huge physical and mental health benefits. 

What I didn’t expect this Silent Retreat to be was a murder mystery week too. It was on Wednesday, late at night, that there seemed to be a buzz in the air. I’m not a great sleeper, so I was sitting by my french doors, which open inwards to provide fresh air. I could hear commotion below me, whispers, which is what caught my attention. That had to be the staff whispering, the rest of us knew not to talk, and we had no reason to, we’d done two full days so we were getting used to it. They were whispering, ‘what do we do?’’ ‘’How do we sort this so nobody knows, not the residents, not the media?’’ the response was curt, ‘’Now, we sort it now, we get rid of it, somehow and then in the morning we have to pretend nothing happened.’’ At this point, I started to panic, what did they not want us to know about, what were the media not to know about, it can’t be good whatever it was. So I went for a stroll. If anyone questioned I’d either pretend I was sleepwalking or I’d just say ‘sorry’, and come back to my room.

I got stopped by a staff member who tried to turn me around, without a word, but I resisted, I had to find out what was going on. I battled with her, she was a small lady, her badge said Dina, I was taller so more likely to win for sure, it was down to strength, and she was as strong as an ox, she resisted me, I resisted her force, I spun, she pushed. When I caught her off guard, I managed to pull myself out of her grasp and forward. They were in the dining area, where we had all sat a matter of hours earlier. What were they doing, I tried to peer in, they had the lights on, but there were too many bodies gathered round. Too many bodies gathered around a body. A dead body. I gasped, I couldn’t help it. I looked for Dina, she was still behind me, one eyebrow raised. I couldn’t say anything, it wasn’t permitted, I hadn’t considered what would happen if I did speak, surely this event would allow for the exception I pondered. Everything was happening so fast. Staff were marching in and out, reception to dining, dining to reception, yet didn’t seem to be doing anything, they were not speaking now, so they must have sorted their plan.

At breakfast, there were fourteen of us. I counted, and sat down hesitantly. I recounted. Fourteen. There were fourteen of us who started this week. No one looks new, although I didn’t take anyone in in much detail because, well, little point. So who the hell died? It must have been a staff member. That’s why all the staff were rushing, it was one of them, one of the family. How sad. There I had been battling Dina to see what was going on, yet she probably just wanted to be in the dining room saying her goodbyes. Although, the thought struck me suddenly, my spoon dripped porridge as it hadn’t quite reached my mouth. If it was one of the staff, why so hush hush, why didn’t they want any of us knowing? I looked around the breakfast table, fourteen of us, all looking somewhat familiar. I looked at the staff, not one of them had puffy eyes from crying, not one of them seemed in any way deflated or sad. So who was it?

A different bell chimed. ‘’Staff you are permitted to speak’’ came a crackly voice over a tannoy system. Unexpected and made most of us sitting here, within our thoughts, jump. Looks shot around the group. A member of staff stood at one end of the breakfast table, ‘’We have a situation on our hands here at The Silent Retreat. Someone was murdered last night, and we do not know who killed them. So, whoever it was; and it must be one of you, as all staff have been accounted for, make yourself known. This situation is not to leave this building. No one in the outside world is to know; not your families, not your friends, not the media. You are forbidden to tell anyone.‘’ I darted my eyes around the table, there was confusion and worry  everywhere, no one looked like a murderer, no one looked guilty, no one looked convinced. 

So I was questioned. The only time I was permitted to talk that whole week. I was the only one supposedly to be up and about, but only after the murder had happened. What did I see, why was I up? Of course I was innocent, I think we all are truthfully, I didn’t hear anything and I had been sitting by those open french doors since nine thirty that evening.  Everyone was questioned. Yet none of us spoke to each other, none of us questioned it, it was almost like we didn’t believe it, or maybe it was just part of the retreat. I was sitting in the reading lounge on Friday evening, we had two days left, and I was beginning to feel the benefits of nearly a week in silence, except the questioning, of course. I had almost forgotten the murder to be honest, when a policeman came into reception and he spoke to the staff member behind the desk. It was disconcerting to hear a male voice out loud, but it was more disconcerting what he said.

‘’ I am here to arrest Cameron Lewis on suspicion of murdering Janson Ellis.’’ ‘’This way’’ the timid reception lady said, and led the policeman towards the dining area. As Cameron Lewis was walked out of the building, in silence, it struck me that this couldn’t actually be true. He surely didn’t murder someone then carry on acting completely normal. Although I guess it’d be easier to act normal when not talking to anyone and no one here knows what is normal for you and what's not! 

When I got home on Monday afternoon, my husband was cautious, having been in silence all week, he recognised I wouldn’t like too much noise. But at dinner, I couldn’t help telling him all about my murder mystery week at The Silent Retreat!