The big load...

Submitted into Contest #31 in response to: Write a short story about someone doing laundry.... view prompt

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“Boo hoo… ” she moaned, “another big dumping of that white stuff” Shannon stuttered, as she looked outside the window of her three story home.

Another big snowfall had descended upon the town of Bootie Falls, Ontario, Canada. This time the snowfall was most crippling and stopped all the busy residents in their tracks. Shanny felt a bit overwhelmed with this latest snowfall, seeing as it was at least 50 whopping inches high in all directions. Furthermore, the height of the shoveled snow mounds, were almost double the height of her bedroom “stripper” pole, yes, the famous pole that her Grandma passed down to her. Yup, good ol’ Granny was a former professional exotic dancer, passing down her most prized possessions to her grandkids. After her 49 grandkids all declined to “inherit” the most famous pole, Shannon was left with the darn thing and its expensive “maintenance” costs. Nonetheless, Shannon actually started taking pictures of the snowfall, because it happened in the middle of the month of June. “I guess that’s good ol’ Canada for you… snowing in the middle of summer” she thought to herself. Now, with absolutely nothing to do, Shanny decided she would tackle the three hampers full of smelly family laundry. With a quick sprint, she flew into the laundry room, flipped on her expensive triple XL industrial washing machine and hastily dumped in her three full loads. In the meantime, Shannon dropped and let her booty pop, as she divulged in 100 rapid fire body squats.

Precisely 30 minutes later, her triple load of laundry was completely washed and smelling fresh. However, what she then discovered sent chills down her spine. As she removed each item from her washing machine, her beautiful face became bloodshot red and her tight toned stomach began to turn. In her hands, were very large panties and bras! This infuriated her because she stopped wearing undergarments years ago, due her FNS – Fragile Nipple Syndrome and extreme booty chafing. Even worse, she was the only woman in the family of three, a family which included only her grade school aged son and her handsome husband of 25 years. Moreover, in total, there was six 38 DDD bra’s and nine XL panty bottoms. Her mind began racing, she could only think that her husband of 25 years had been unfaithful again. He vehemently promised to her last time he was unfaithful, that this would not happen again, but apparently it was a lie. She was now out her mind, in a blind rage and she could only consider one option – she had to “burn it down”! As in, she had to burn down the house, to teach that unfaithful husband a lesson he’d never forget! All his possessions had to burn, which included his precious sports memorabilia, sports cars in the three car garage and massive gun collection.

Without missing a beat, she flew into the garage, picked up the containers of gasoline and drenched the house in this highly flammable substance. Shannon raced into her bedroom and took down her family heirloom, the pole. She took out her lighter and a pack of pre-rolled joints from her purse, then she combined all the joints into one mega joint. She then lit the mega joint, took three long puffs, and flicked the lit “cancer-stick” into the gasoline soaked laundry room. She then immediately went outside and watched as her 3-story home went up in smoke and flames. The biggest smile then emerged on her face and she began incessantly laughing. Minutes later, her son then came home from school skipping, until he saw his mother outside and his house burning down. The little boy began to stomp the ground and cry. He pulled his mother’s arm, as she deeply gazed into the flames.

He then said, “Mommy, I’m only going to ask you one simple question…”.

As steam fumed off her head, she said “what question my darling boy?”.

He then asked her if she had done the laundry and if she saw a bunch of “dirty panties" in the load? She looked at her innocent son, somewhat perplexed.

She told him, “that’s exactly what I saw” after she had finished washing the load.

He then started spinning in circles, almost passing out. He then explained that his school’s music teacher, Ms. Jessie J. Jefferson, had given him her dirty panties, for him to wash. Furthermore, his music teacher gave him the dirty panties, because he was her favorite student and her own washing machine broke down, due to excessive use. Shannon’s face then became ghost white and her jaw dropped to the ground.

“What have I done?” she thought aloud.

Did she just make one of the biggest mistakes of her life? Shannon then immediately called her husband at work to explain the dire situation. However, what she heard when the phone was answered, almost made her faint. A distinct high-pitched musical voice answered her husbands private phone… it was Ms. Jessie J. Jefferson aka “Miss Dirty Panties”! Shannon’s husbands phone didn’t have caller ID, so Ms. Jefferson only recognized it was Shannon, because Shannon’s husband just regretfully informed her. That’s it, the jig was up. A secret that was five years in the making, was spoiled. Resultantly, out of shock, Ms. Jefferson then soiled her self and her fresh panties. Now, looking and feeling exceptionally embarrassed, Ms. Jefferson handed the phone to Shannon’s husband.

Then, he said “Hi Honey… sorry you had to find out this way, but…”.

Shannon immediately cut him off, by yelling, “HOW DARE YOU, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?”.

He then replied in the most sweet sounding and smoothest voice ever heard by man, he sang the “Happy Birthday” song to her in almost perfect pitch. Shannon was doubled stunned, not only by his new beautiful voice, but because she also forgot that this “plain, old laundry day”, was also her birthday! Her husband then explained, how he had been taking expensive singing lessons from the school teacher, Ms. Jefferson, for years. Today was his final practice with her, before he revealed all he learned. Shannon then began to cry, not just because his voice was so beautiful or because what he did was heart-melting, she cried because she mistakenly thought he was unfaithful again. As Shannon was still crying on the phone, her husband passed back the phone to Ms. Jefferson.

Ms. Jefferson then said “Hey Shannon, sorry you had to find out like this….”.

Shannon replied, “it’s okay, this was the greatest surprise gift, I’ve ever received!”.

Ms. Jefferson then continued by saying “I’m glad you liked it…but did you wash my dirty panties as yet?”…

Shannon then dropped her phone in the snow, as she starred at her house engulfed in flames.


The moral of the story is this “do your laundry early and often”.  

March 07, 2020 02:59

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