A New Life

It’s like I’m starting over again, James thought to himself as he gazed out of the car window. I am Sisyphus. But I reached the top of the mountain only to find another that reaches steeper and higher. What then? What will happen when I reach the top? Will I ever see the view?

“James? You still with us, buddy?” David asked as he tapped James on the forehead. 

“Huh? Oh yeah, I was just thinking,” James replied as he continued to gaze out of the window. The trees lining the sides of the road blurred if he didn’t focus on them. As the car zoomed along, James caught glimpses of the blue sky and flat farmland behind the trees. These moments were precious in a way he hadn’t yet come to appreciate.

“Jimmy! Snap out of it!” Caitlin, David’s girlfriend replied.

“What? I’m just enjoying the scenery. It’s like an eight-hour drive, can’t I just chill for a while?” James said, more indifferent to talking and thinking than he’d led on. Thoughts of the future had become a burden in his bored mind, swirling around his consciousness as if they had nowhere else to go. Most of his thoughts disappeared into the ether, but not these.

“This is the last time we’re going to be together for a while! You’re moving to the big city!” Caitlin replied with an upbeat attitude. She didn’t even believe what she just said, but wanted to coax her friend out of his funk.

“Is it that obvious?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know I’m only a train ride away. I’m just thinking, don’t worry about me. We’ll be able to have all the fun when we get there,” James replied, measured but dazed.

All the time in the world. That’s what it feels like. This exists in a space in-between my past life and my future. This trip is all in the present. My moment of a finite infinity. For these last few days, my mind is exactly where it needs to be. And for that, I step outside of the bounds of time and into my own world. 

“Will you miss all of this while you’re in that concrete jungle for weeks or months at a time?” David asked him.

“I won’t be gone that long! Weeks, maybe. But that’s nothing. Plus, you gotta support me chasing my dream. It’s part of who I am,” James replied.

“You didn’t answer the question,” Caitlin replied.

“Yeah, I’ll probably miss it,” James said, “It’s my home. But it’s not like I’ll never be back.”

“You never know, you might like it there in the city.”

“Then I won’t regret it.”

“Regret it? Maybe not. But you’ll lose a part of yourself. Is it worth that sacrifice?”

“I haven’t even left yet. That’s a pretty big assumption.”

“Do you like who you are?” Caitlin asked.

“What is this?” James said, “I thought this was a road trip, not an intervention.”

“You didn’t answer the question, again.”

“Why do I owe you an answer? Why right when you ask? That’s pretty personal, no matter how long I’ve known you.”

“You know where we’re going, what we’re going to do. You need to answer. We need to know.”

“Why? Ugh, fine. Yes, I do. I do like myself.”

“See, was that so difficult?”

“No, but it was a lot of pressure on the answer.”

“Do you feel the release? The release of confession?”

“I… I guess.”

“Exactly! I knew you’d be a great fit.”

“Where are we going? David? You’ve been quiet,” James asked.

“You’ll just have to see,” David replied.

“Shoot, I mean, eight hours into the Canadian wilderness. It’s probably not too cold, it’s spring after all. But still, do we really have a plan on where we’re gonna stay?”

“All we need is a tent, sleeping bag, some water and food. We’ll be fine,” David replied.

“But where are we going? You said you had a plan.”

“Don’t worry about it, James. It’s a surprise.”

The conversation died down for a while, giving James a moment of reprieve. One that he needed now more than ever. His introspective nature, combined with the uncertainty he was feeling with his friends, was beginning to take up more space in his mind. 

Maybe I don’t know Dave and Cait as well as I thought. We’ve only been friends for a year or so, but I thought that was long enough. A vacation into the unknown, they said. A vacation into the unknown, I thought. What a wonderful way to separate my past and future, a moment outside of time. At least, metaphorically.

A moment outside of time. 

That was the last thought that crossed James’ mind as he drifted off into a light nap, waking periodically with the increasing bumps on the road as the pavement became worn. It was a clear sign that they were getting closer. The harsh winter weather would breakdown the concrete, year after year, until it turned into rubble. 

“Where are we?” James asked as he awoke.

“You’ve been out for a while, like an hour,” David replied.

“We’re outside of the US border and into Canada. Just passed a few towns. Hard to say exactly though,” Caitlin replied. 

“If you don’t know where we are, how do you know where we’re going? Also, how did we go through the border without either you or the border officials waking me up?”

“Oh, don’t worry, we just grabbed your passport out of your bag and they let us go.”

“You went through my bag?” James replied as he looked over and saw everything tussled around, some items still in the bag and others outside but either way, it was chaotic. 

How did I sleep for so long?  I just took a sip of my water and passed out.

“Don’t worry so much, we were just trying to let you sleep. With all the time we have left, we figured you wouldn’t mind putting your bag back together.”

Wait, how long was I out? Where’s my phone? That clock doesn’t seem right.

The views outside the car had turned into green trees, but instead of farmland behind them, there were just more trees. They kept whizzing by, but if he focused on the mountain painted across the sky in front of him, everything was steady, and the trees were clear. 

The north face. That’s what they’ve been talking about. The north face of the mountain, leaving all of society behind for a while. Nobody exists on the other side of that mountain, we will become truly alone.

Is that why I’ve been thinking of this?

“James? You got all quiet for a moment,” David asked.

“I just spaced out, my bad,” James replied, “Yeah, don’t worry about my bag. Thanks for letting me sleep.”

The mountain grew larger as they approached. Seemingly every few minutes there was a noticeable change in the horizon.

The mountain is growing, but the clock is barely changing. How is that possible? It’s like we’ve driven hours in minutes. The closer we get, the faster everything seems to speed up. 

Where the hell am I? What's going on here? 

“We’re heeeeereeeee,” Caitlin said with a tone of excitement and playfulness. 

James opened the car door and stepped outside. It was like nothing he had ever seen. The mountain was all around them, like a cylinder cut out of rock, as high as he could see. The car was in a clearing but broadly, there were more of the green coniferous trees that surrounded the mountain. It was dark outside and, as James craned his neck towards the sky, the constellations were so luminescent.

From the moment that I stepped out of the car, into this other world, I couldn’t hear a sound. It was so quiet, like shifting between realms. But now, all I can hear is the sound of that hum.

James's thoughts became frantic. A consistent hum. Sometimes voices. More voices. Chaotic whispers echoing across the open cavern.

Where are David and Caitlin? The trunk is open, but they’re gone? How is that possible? What am I doing in these clothes? What am I doing here?

What’s this? A red robe? I see the smiles coming out of the trees, the voices are getting louder.

Please, God. Give me a chance to climb that mountain. I want to be Sisyphus again. I know where I am now, and all I want to do is be back home, ready to go to the concrete jungle. Ready to climb the mountain.