Would you help me?

Would you help me?

Emma Barrat’s study in the Welsh Valleys

Friday 20 July 2012 8.47 am (Emma goes to her laptop and she checks her inbox.)

What an awful start to the day. Checking my emails and yet another day with no orders coming in and that one same message from a scammer. “Would you help me?”

Damn, obviously too early on the morning for my brain to function properly and I’ve opened it in error instead of deleting the nonsense. I may as well find out what today’s con is all about.

Sender : jblc@hotmail.com

To: Emma.barrat@btinternet.com

Thursday 19 July 2012 6.43pm.

                              Subject   Would you help me?

Hello.

You will not know me but I am appealing for your help, so please take a minute to read this message (No its not a scam!!)

I found your email address by scouring various societies with web sites in South Wales trying to find someone living in or near the Ogmore Valley.

I am desperately trying to get in touch with my old English teacher, a Mr Peter Taylor, who moved to South Wales and my feeble memory kept coming up with the name Nanny something or other; and Nantymoel seems to fit the bill.

I really need to make contact with him before the end of the month as there is a function, I would like him to attend.

I am not sure how big your village is but could you possibly do anything to help me?

If not, I'd still like to thank you for taking the time to read my email.

Yours sincerely

John Lucas Chandler.

***

Sender Emma.barrat@btinternet.com

To jblc@hotmail.com

Tuesday 24 July 2012 8.52pm.

                     Subject: Would you help me?

Hello John

Sorry for the delay, I had a long weekend away.

Every now and then I bump into an older English couple in the Post Office. Is he a very tall, thin man, with rather long hair?

Emma

PS It's no problem for me to try and help.

                                                                             ***

Email from John to me

Wednesday 25 July 2012 5.56 pm

                      Subject: Would you help me?

Emma

Thank you so very much. Yes, that sounds like him (we used to think he might have been a hippy when he was younger!)

Can you contact him for me?

Much appreciation

John

                                                                         ***

Email from me to John

Wednesday 25 July 2012 11.48 pm.

                   Subject:  Watson to Holmes

John

Was about to turn off the computer when I got your reply. That is good news, I will look into it tomorrow (my little shop is only a few doors from the Post Office - so he won’t escape my clutches for long!)

Not sleepy at the moment so.........

What is the function?

Why do you need your old (hippy) English teacher there? Is it a surprise?

Where do you live? Will you be coming down?

I'd better quit now.

Good night, Emma

***

Email from John to me

Thursday 26 July 2012 6.18 am.

                         Subject: Holmes to Watson

Hi Emma

Just got up and read your email.

You nosey Parker!!!!! Only joking

It’s a presentation thing and he would be my guest

I live in Fife a few miles from St Andrews so it quite a trek to get down there, but I owe him so much it would be worth every mile.

I will be keeping my fingers crossed over the next few days

John

By the way what sort of shop have you got?

                                                                        ***

Email from me to John

Saturday 28 July 2012 11.58 pm.

                Subject. Being a nosy Parker

Ho John

Should have said Hi John but it’s too much effort to change it!

No sightings today - but the Post Office say they (the Taylors – for it is them!) come in every week and the post mistress is going to ask for them to pop into my shop when they see him.

I sell handmade jewellery, some I make, but my main income is importing stuff from the East and trade selling on to places around UK. So, not many people come into the shop itself. However, I do spend a lot of my time doing trade exhibitions around the country. I've got one in Dundee in a couple of months time that's not far from you, is it?

So, what do you do in the real world?

Bye for now    Emma

                                                                   Email from John to me

Monday 30 July 2012 6.42 pm.

                  Subject. Being a nosy Parker

Hello Emma

Thanks, - my fingers are still crossed.

That sounds interesting. Yes, Dundee is not that far away at all – I will buy you dinner if our diaries do not clash.

I am a writer, mainly thrillers; the funny thing is that these emails, between us, have given me a great idea for a plot!!!

John.

                                                            ***

Email from me to John

Monday 30 July 2012 7.21pm.

                         Subject. The Email murders

Hi John

 Dinner would be gratefully accepted. There's not a Mrs John is there? (Only asked because it means less wine to pass round)

Still no sign of Mr and Mrs Taylor turning up at the post office.

Do I get a share of the royalties of this new best seller? Do you like the title? Looked your name up on the internet, no sign of you, not had anything published yet then I gather?

Nosey Emma

Email from John to ne

Monday 30 July 2012 7.35 pm.

                         Subject. The email murders

Hi Nosey

Mrs John is away at the moment.

You can have 5% royalties – MAXIMUM. It was going to be a romance, but the title is too good not to have a few bodies lying around

I write under another name.

John

***

Email from me to John

Monday 30 July 2012 11.57 pm.

                          Subject. The email murders

John!!

Duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What other name?? Men!!! I bet you've already gone to bed as well!

BT Emma (Short for Bad Tempered)

                   --------------------------------

Email from John to me

Tuesday 31 July 2012 12.03 am.

                           Subject. The email murders

Emma

I don't know why I am awake at this time of the morning. But as I am I will put you out of your misery.

When I write I use the name Bill Clancy; it's meant to make me sound more manly and American.

Get some sleep- that's an order!

John zzzzzzzzzzz

Email from me to John

Wednesday 1 August 2012 8.06 pm.

Good evening, Mr Clancy

What a busy day I have had! I cannot believe its 8 o'clock already. I considered at one stage of asking for your phone number but the way it has worked out there is no need. So – here is a summary of my action-packed day.

Opened this morning’s post with a massive order from a group of shops up in Yorkshire, so yippee! I can pay the mortgage.

Then I sat at the PC and typed in Bill Clancy – Well, did you know that you are quite famous?

Did you know you have had eight novels published? Did you know you are married to Kelley Arrowsmith the actress who is away filming in Greece at the moment? Did you know you are short-listed for something called the Gregory Chisholm Prize next month? You ought to get on to the internet - it is fascinating. By the way you are loads better looking than I imagined. Ouch!!! – my imaginary boyfriend has just pinched me

Anyway, no sooner had I turned the PC off when who should come into the shop but Mr and Mrs Taylor. What lovely people – his eyes lit up when I mentioned your name, I think you might have been a teacher's pet?

The bad news though is he still gets out and about, but he really is as deaf as a post - so -

what I have suggested is that Friday night about seven’ish they come round to my place and you can chat to each other by my email via my shop's PC.

Let me know if that would work for you asap.

I didn't sound too sarcastic at the beginning, did I? Because I really did not mean to.

Your biggest fan for years

Emma

PS Actually I have not got around to reading one of your “steamy” whodunits, they sound a bit much like Alfa male reading for my delicate senses.

Email from John to me

Wednesday 1 August 2012 10.23 pm.

            Subject Super sleuth Emma

Emma

You are a star!!

I will definitely be sat by my PC from six thirty to whenever.

John

PS No I am really not the new Charles Dickens, and I do not allow my Mum near one of my books!

Email; from me to John

Friday 3 August 2012 7.02 pm.

Hi John

Are you there? I guess so.

OK I will pass you over to Peter Taylor (who's been practising his typing)

Hello John

How very nice to hear from you, Emma has spent the last hour guiding me around the internet and feeding Ruth and I some delicious pasta.

Email reply from John to Peter Taylor

Mr Taylor

It is so wonderful to be in touch with you again after all these years, I can honestly say I have never gone through a month in the last ten years when I have not thought of you and all the time and consideration you showed me – you, without doubt, shaped my life with your encouragement and patience. I hope I find you in good health

Email reply from Peter Taylor to John

Dear John

How kind of you, but I assure you it was all my pleasure, although I am somewhat surprised at your style and subject of your writing. I always thought you would turn to historical fiction, but no doubts, your royalty cheques more than compensate for that. And good luck to you, my boy. Peter

Email reply from John to Peter Taylor

Mr Taylor

When we meet up, I might have news for you on that front. Speaking of which would you be my guest at a dinner at the Inter- Continental Hotel London, on 3 October this year?

John

Email reply from Peter Taylor to John

Dear John

Of course, I would love to. Please send me a letter with the details. I must end this chat now, because my wife does not like me driving at night and wants us to get on our way as soon as possible.

Best wishes

Peter Taylor

Email from me to John

October 15 2012

Subject: Keeping in touch

Hi John

I have been debating for days about getting in touch. In some ways it feels a bit creepy – so please don't be afraid to tell me to go away and get a life. First the non sensitive bit – how did your presentation and meeting with Peter Taylor go? He seemed very excited about meeting up again.

And are you okay? It's just all the stuff about your wife is all over the papers, so I'd be a liar if I claimed I did not know of your difficulties. Same again- if I am out of order, please do not be afraid to let me know.

Emma

Email from John to ne

October 16 2012

                    Subject. Keeping in touch  

Hello Emma

No need to apologise – it should be me apologising to you. How rude of me not to let you know after all the trouble you went to for me. It was a brilliant evening and made very special for me by Peter Taylor being there – and that's all down to you. You certainly made a good impression on him – he described you as “a bit of a catch,” which I assure you is high praise indeed. The other stuff is old news for me personally, it was going to hit the media some time or other, when it suited her, and with the new film – there's no such thing as bad publicity. Still there are no children involved and no financial disputes so life goes on. Have you done your trade fair in Dundee yet?

Best wishes

John

Email from me to John

October 19 2012.

                Subject. Keeping in touch 

I'm glad things are turning out okay. The trade fair is November 7-8 (All weekend – yuk.)

I've attached details.

Emma

Email from me to John

October 24 2012

                           Subject. Late night reading

Peter Taylor came into the shop today and dropped in the signed copy of your book, with the nice inscription. I've skimmed through it, in all honesty I'm sure “Email murders” is going to be better.

Thanks

Emma.

Email from John to me

October 25 2012 10.27

                          Subject. Late night reading

Faint praise indeed. As a matter of interest, I've already written the first 20k words of my new thriller. I came up with the title The Email Killings – what do you think? (Only joking)

Can I buy you a meal when you are in Dundee? It's the least I can do for all your help. I'll be quite honest I did look at your photo on the attachment and you are nowhere near as ugly as I thought you might be.

Second Email from John to me

October 25 2012 10.47

Subject. Ignore last email* Ignore last email* Ignore last email* Ignore last email*l

I am so so so sorry. That last sentence is the worst sentence I have ever typed in my life. I cannot believe I wrote that. Please please forgive me. I'm on my own and I've drunk a bottle of Chardonnay and feeling strange. Me and alcohol DO NOT mix! Please forgive me.

Email from me to John

     Subject. Ignore last email Ignore last email Ignore last email Ignore last email

I'd find it hard to ignore that – totally misogynist and out of order. I did a nice thing, but I guess it would have meant nothing to you if I was plain and ugly. Forget about meeting in Dundee, maybe your ex-wife had a lucky escape. No need to email again.

Email from me to John

November 12 2012

                      Subject: Stranger than fiction

I'm still somewhat unsettled, but thinking about it I'm glad that we met up and made some sort of peace pact. I will be brutally honest and say that last email put you in a different light in my eyes, but maybe it was a one-off aberration. Certainly, the couple of hours we spent on Broughty Ferry beach made you come across as the same sweet guy I started emailing all those months ago. Anyway, enjoy your six months in the good ol' USA. Emma

PS By the time you come back you had better have finished Email Murders – I need the royalties.

Email from John to me

April 26 2013

                     Subject: How are you doing?

Hi Emma

I have had enough of California – it's everything good and everything bad as I had expected. I get a feeling it's all been a waste of time, but…DRUMROLL…I've finished Email Murders, and yesterday I realised that the follow up novel could be called E-Mail Murders Again – an acronym = EMMA! Is that a sign or what?

I know I'm making a massive jump here – but could we talk on the telephone? I cannot get you out of my head. I close my eyes and I can see your brown leather eyes staring into me, and hear your silly giggle. I'm sure it's nothing more than a crazy male obsession that will pass, but I so want to hear your voice crackling across the Atlantic.

John

Email from me to John

April 28 2013

                 Subject: How are you doing?

I don't think that would be a good idea. I’m not sure of the direction we are heading. You’re so clever with words and without looking into your face I cannot tell if I’m misreading your intentions. That sounds so old fashioned, doesn’t it? If only we could see each other at the same time as typing.

me

Email from John to me

April 29 2013

               Subject. How are you doing?

That would be perfect wouldn’t it. I think your intuitions are right, this feels like something more serious than I can have hoped for. If only the PC monitor was a TV screen. Oh well, maybe one day. Xx

Zoom meeting

 April 14 2021

Emma Hello Mr Chandler, how is the world treating you?

John Not too bad, how’s the world treating you?

Emma Could be better, running a business and raising two kids is not easy.

John Ah two kids. What did you have? Two girls, was it?

Emma No one of each. George and Sammy. George is the boy.

John They’re not that bad are they – you look good on all the stress if there is any.

Emma I was a looker back in the day.

John You still look good to me – whoops they’ve just called my plane better go.

Emma Hang on a minute - George, Sammy come and say hello to Daddy, he’s on his way home and he’ll be back later tonight.

John Night, night Mrs Chandler. I Love you

Emma Love you more

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