storm

The wind howled, thunder striking everywhere, the trees shaking violently. I was stuck in a field in a storm, lost and confused. angry and sad, I wanted to go home. The only problem with that is I don't know what I can call home anymore, and even when I am home, it doesn't feel like home anymore. The rain pelted my body harshly, slapping against me in cold punches. The wind howled, moving fast, shaking the trees violently, chilling me to the bone. Part of me wanted to just stand here and let whatever happened happen. I don't care what happens to me anymore. So if I die, oh well, it's not like I ever actually helped anyone. I don't care if I die here or if I don't die. Nothing matters anymore. Thunder struck maybe 300 feet away from me, Startling me with the loud sound, my fists raised reactively. PTSD taking an effect on my attention of my surroundings. Suddenly, I felt the need to run anywhere as long as I wasn't here anymore. I started running, the rain hitting my already-soaked face and getting in my eyes. I kept running, adrenaline flowing throughout my body. I felt numb like I always do, I kept running, my lungs hurt, and my legs were getting sore, but I didn't stop. The thought nibbling at the back of my mind grew louder. I deserve this somehow, I deserve everything bad that's happened to me somehow. Even though I don't know what I did to deserve it, I knew I deserved the pain, the betrayal, the anger, the sadness, the abandonment. Everything I've gone through has to have been deserved, I keep these thoughts to myself so I don't bother others, and I do my best to help them while they are struggling, but somehow, it seems I always mess up. No matter what I do, how I try to get to know someone, half the people that I know hate me for no reason, and I don't know why they seem to hate me for who I am. It hurts, but I won't tell them that, they hate me, so they won't care. I can't tell anymore, who actually cares about me? Does anyone really care? Or are they faking it to feel better about themselves? Are they using me, pretending to like me, talking behind my back, spreading rumors? I kept running, my lungs hurting, my sides having a stabbing pain in them as the wind gets stronger. My legs felt weaker and started hurting, but I kept running. As I kept running, the resonating thought grew louder. I deserve this, The pain, the sorrow, the death, everything, and it's all my fault. All the pain I feel is my fault, the heartbreak, the enemy's, everyone hating me for no reason, it's all my fault. Eventually, my legs gave out, and I fell onto my knees, sliding on the slippery grass, my sides felt as if I was being stabbed, and my legs felt like rubber. my lungs burning and my throat dry, I felt the rain slide down my face. I was soaked, my clothes sticking to my body like a lifeline. I looked to the sky. "why won't anyone help me?" I muttered with an angry tone, "Why does everyone hate me?" My tone surely was sad now. I knew I was alone, well, that's what I thought anyway. "Hey, are you ok?" I heard a woman ask. I opened my eyes and looked at the woman, She was wearing a baggy black jacket and regular blue jeans and was holding an umbrella over her head. She was around my height of 5 feet 5 inches, her eyes were a piercing deep blue, and her expression was worried. I stuttered a response, "Oh y-yeah, I'm ok." It felt like I could feel her disbelief, and I felt embarrassed. then she said, "Alright, I know that's not true, but I know, just from looking at you. not everyone hates you, ok?" I stood up, my legs feeling weak like they might give out again, as I responded, "How would you know that?" She said, "Well just talking to you, I don't hate you." I sighed, "Well you don't even know me, or who I am, who I could be." She scoffed, "And? I never said I did, I just said that I don't hate you." She said this with a more playful tone, clearly trying to show she's friendly. "Well," I said, trying to think of a comeback to see if she was lying. But I decided to just accept it, "Well ok then." She smiled "What's your name?" I felt surprised, did she want to get to know me? "Im Isach, and yours?" I saw her smile, and my cold face started warming up. The wind stopped howling, slowing down, and the rain remained falling as harshly as ever. "my name is Samantha." We exchanged numbers, went home, and eventually, she texted me. we talked, she helped me, and the storm passed. over the week, we talked more and more, the days seemed brighter, and I felt better day by day, the bad thoughts remained, but they seemed smaller now. I don't think they will ever go away, and there will be plenty more rainy days, but right now, I'm ok. One day at work, 2 weeks after I met Samantha, I saw someone get hit by a car, I was walking on the sidewalk; the day was sunny, and the birds were chirping. Then I heard a honk, I turned around and saw someone running, abruptly being redirected down the road, he slid, blood being smeared on the road. I saw the person jump out of their car, and the person on the road lay there, not moving. Were they dead? I ran to the person, grabbing my phone to call the police for an ambulance. I knelt down to the person. I recognized him. My friend Kyle. I turned him to his side, the recovery position, and heard someone on the phone say, "911, what is your emergency?" I responded "Someone's been hit! and they are unconscious, the driver ran away!" I heard her say "Is the victim still breathing?" I checked, I held my head to his chest, and I heard him breathing, but it sounded weird "Yeah he is but it sounds weird, and a bit labored." I heard her say "Ok what is the street you are on right now?" I look up for the street signs, but I couldn't read them "I can't tell! its too far to read, do I leave him to check?" The officer replied quickly "be quick, run quickly." I sprint back and I see the name "It's Jesse street!" I sprint back to Kyle. "the officer said, "An ambulance is on its way. But please stay on the line" "Thank you!" after around 3 minutes I noticed Kyles chest stopped moving "He's not breathing." The officer said, "If you know CPR you need to do it, do you know CPR?" "I know how to do chest compressions but I'm not legally certified." She spoke immediately "This is life or death" I did everything I could, but he died there. he drowned in his blood, and I felt like it was my fault he died, that I didn't do good enough, I stayed in my house as much as I could, only going out to go to work. Eventually, things got better, and Samantha helped me. Every step of the way, Samantha was there.