WHY TODAY?

WHY TODAY?

Today…

It’s cold this morning. I’m going back to bed once Logan leaves for work.

I am ready to crawl into my heated blanket.

In, June.

Crazy.

To whom it may concern:

At five o’clock today Amy has an appointment with Sharron Rossi for a check-up. Just to see how she is doing. This is how she is doing…

She is playing the game. Trying to stay ahead. Or at least keep on an even track. It won’t sneak up behind her that way. Hopefully.

She is much better at it than before. Before she just wanted to quit. (Amy is super good at quitting things) As she is at starting things. For instance…

She is going to drive the car today. Be it only to the Y. She is going to get in, turn on music, and go. And then come back home. Just, to say that she did it.

Wrong.

She fell asleep. And then she got lost again. Now she is here.

On the outside.

Listening to the water and watching the hummingbird’s drink their sugar water. A goose!!! It’s babies!

Shoo shitters…

Shoo!!!

And out from behind Diamond, was a light pink almost white, peony flower. Three quarters the way open. Out of about thirty buds this was the only, one that was open.

Epiphany…

Jason has an appointment today with a wellness advisor to discuss his diet. (High blood sugar.) The American way. His appointment is in Chelsea. The perfect time to lay the flower.

Peace out Linda.

Two birds, one stone.

Today was a hot day. Tomorrow is going to be even hotter. Then storms with a cool down. A typical pattern. We didn’t exercise. We instead went and learned that Jason is a few points away from being diabetic. The American way. It surround us.

***Newsflash***

The baby is growing, and he is healthy. Cesarean is the plan. To make sure that Justine does not go into labor. Strong heartbeat. Good, weight. Nice. Mama is doing okay. She is very tired. Having some slight cramping. Doctor’s feel good. Positive waves. She can hear the birds. Whoosh!

Come on daylight...

(It finally got here) The bright sun. And what does she see?

A dozen or more red, peony blooms. With some more white ones to follow. Maybe pink. I don’t know. I call them pink and white. Jason calls them red and pink. (Men Are from Mars)

BEAUTIFUL

Speaking of…

It is going to be another beautifully, hot day today. But this time it is bringing some thunder and rain. That’s not until later on this afternoon. The hummingbird’s are out in full force this morning. That’s what Amy will do! She’ll stay outside until Jason gets home. Better out, than in. And then when he gets home we need to grocery shop. Exercising is out of the question today. We need to go into Adrian. Fruits and veggies. NO POP! Whole wheat bread, maybe. (We are changing our diets.) Less of this. More of that.

Good for Jason.

Amy wants to change another thing up too. She noticed last night as she was writing that she really doesn’t want to do it anymore. She doesn’t want to have to plan it. She is so tired of planning this book, these books, whatever. She needs to come to grips that she is not going to find what she is looking for. That she will always be lost.

Lost…

Today, I am miserably unhappy. (Jason will agree with that.) He tells me that I am…

I am…

Whatever you say-I-am.

I just want him to go to bed just so he can wake up to go to work. I want Logan to go to bed too. I want pure, fucking peace. All I want to do tonight besides sleep is write. And put on my headphones. (With the music on)

Angry again.

I tell him that if he doesn’t read the book he may as well leave. Because if he doesn’t read the book, who knows what could happen. Fuck.

It is even beginning to scare Amy.

Omg…

She needs to pay attention. Be alert.

Lol.

In a perfect world.

She saw something when she woke up today.

Hmmm…

What is that up there? What does she need to pay attention to?

She doesn’t remember.

Not a clue.

Literally.

If she doesn’t finish what she started, she will never know how to end it. That leaves for a lot, of long nights and short days. That is why she must not to forget to leave a clue. Because when she forgets to leave a clue she is to be simply put, lost. LOST…

(Thank you Nate for showing me a way)

Today.

Amy went to the new Pilates class, and a new interval training class. Something she has yet to do. Pilates...

All about balance.

Balancing on a ball.

Lmao.

And on a platform.

Next…

Interval training.

A good workout. A good teacher. Same teacher for both classes. Something Amy wants to do regularly on Friday’s. And, on Saturday’s. Two more classes fo take. But only if she can stop being so damn, sore. It’s terrible today. It’s been a week ago tomorrow and it is not getting any better. Hair of the dog. (8AM sharp.) Interval training again. (9AM sharp) Flow yoga.

Both with Colleen.

A good way to start the weekend.

I woke up thinking of the boys. Good news for Trevor and Justine. The baby is healthy. And Logan is busy with work. Now that summer is here he is also busy with his bike. He is now in a “group”. Lol. A motorcycle group. Boy, when I was young I used to think people that rode were all big and bad and tough. Funny, funny.

Still though.

Omg.

2:49.

She is stretching from the right hip, down. Lmao. Her heel, is sore. Nothing is simple. Lol. Onto today.

This moment…

Sunlit Glow.

A new candle. A nice smell. With the hints of fruity-fruits and coconut. It’s in a jar that has a picture of a VW bus with surfboards painted on the glass. A beachy smell. Summer is close. Next week as a matter of fact. Highs in the upper eighties.

Perfect.

Ok.

It is time to wake Jason because we are going to spend some time at the Y this morning. Yep. Two classes beginning at 8AM sharp. The first class is interval training. About fifty minutes of a crooked step workout. High stepping on platforms. With weights.

The second class was a flow yoga class.

FYI..

On the way to exercise today Jason said that he didn’t want to be with only “the older crowd” because he remembers the previous classes that we checked out. (soup can aged people) No offense, but we have been exercising regularly, and Jason didn’t want to be lifting light weights. Lol. More to follow…

I told him that this is a nice workout, and we could do this before a relaxing bit of yoga. Lol. Yep. It even sounds nice. Flow yoga. Well, he went. A little under duress, but he still went with.

Okay.

Lol.

From 8 AM sharp until 10AM on the button, for two hours, we were listening to loud bounce music and stepping up on platforms. I ended up stepping in place because I didn’t dare step up high with my hips the way they are. She in no way trusts her balance. So, she makes do. She steps on the ground with hand weights. Six-pound, hand weights. (Jason grabbed 13lb hand weights). From that moment on all Amy could hear was Jason, breathing. HEAVY. Probably wishing for soup cans. It kicked, his, ass. Mine, too. Arms, legs, hips, and back. Head, shoulder’s knees and toes. Knees and toes…

All she can think of is wow.

Wow…

Wow.

Very difficult.

But awesome.

This is/was hard on Jason. I see it, saw it, know it. He is probably going to be sore tomorrow. Amy surely will be. She started to feel the pain last week. That’s why she wanted to go yesterday and today. Thinking it is going to relax her muscle’s. Maybe help her to sleep. She’s been up. She can’t count the number, but it’s been too long. She’s wired now. No joke. She can’t sleep when she is wired. Example…

It’s 2:57AM and she sits at her desk thinking.

They were too tired to get changed to go into the steam room yesterday. Amy really wants to today in hopes it relaxes her muscle’s. The “soup can” classes kicked their butt’s. Colleen is a great instructor. Amy needs to re-coop. Tomorrow is another day for the sauna. It’s a Sunday so it doesn’t open until noon. That gives her the time to really figure out if she wants to go or not. Lol. We’ll see.

Her arms are even sore.

Hair of the dog.

Hair of the dog.

Speaking of..

Diamond is sleeping in the chair next to her.

So loveable.

Saturday afternoon…

Something feels weird.

Ok.

We meet Logan for breakfast in Adrian. As they are eating their breakfasts Logan and Jason start talking golf, and eventually it got to where they had to make a tee time.

They love golfing.

Amy sometimes goes with just to ride. This was going to be one of those times. We made it perfect by inviting Trevor to go with. Great. Yay. A family outing.

Wrong…

Justine wanted to go.

Okay.

Let her go. She is part of the family now. no problem. More bonding time. Take Amy’s place. She needs to get out. I’m sure she is homebound being pregnant and all. Fine. No big deal. Amy stays at home. She can write. Or pick flowers. Maybe Justine would like some to make her house smell good.

She needs to have dinner ready anyway being that they were going so late in the afternoon.

So…

Everyone is over.

She was short, rude, and she didn’t even make eye contact. She didn’t even eat. She doesn’t like hot dogs. All Amy could do was give the back of her head a blank stare. Trevor even noticed. He saw it. They made eye contact even. He knew. Needless to say Amy was in the other room for the rest of the evening. Wanting them both, to go home. She was tired anyway. She took a hot bath and went to bed. Woke up. Fell asleep. And woke up again.

Freezing, the whole time.

Now she is here. Yawning. And sitting at her desk, wanting to go back to sleep. For there is a melatonin in her case now.

11:11

AM.

A nice number to land on. Good things come to those who wait. Maybe. She woke up about 9:30AM. The bed was empty, and she could hear the water. A perfect time for her to stretch before she goes outside to think about last night and how uncomfortable Trevor and Justine made her feel in her own home. It doesn’t matter whose home it is. I am his mother. I am. I am still sitting outside.

Ahhh…

Today is going to be a quiet day. It’s calm. She feels like a hermit. A day to be in nature. (On the porch) Off the porch, the flowers are big and blooming. Perfect time for picking. Peony flowers smell so, wonderful. Too bad that they die so fast after being picked.

Yah.

But still.

They smell good for only a moment anyways.

Guess what Amy did…

She played outside all, day today. She came in but once or twice. Jason mowed the yard, and it looks gorgeous. (The grass in her yard is so green) And Amy cleaned birdseed off the porch. This is an every day project. If it’s not the squirrels it’s the cardinals. Chirp-chirp.

Which is better than any tweet-tweet.

She went out into the yard only a few times. Cathy with a K was out, so Amy asked Jason if he would go to the storage room to drop off the cradle. Ya know, the storage unit is close to the Y. She should have gone to the steam room. But nope. She was too sore to think about it. Lol. She mainly stayed on the porch behind the shade today putzing in and out. WEERORR!!!

(Nala)

Scratching at the screen to get in.

Amy goes back out, and Cathy with a K is in her yard. Mumbling something or other about the cats, and how she didn’t want to bother me.

Well…

Stay to your side.

GO AWAY!

GO AWAY!

Now.

4:17AM.

I’m frustrated. It’s too much. Too many words. Not enough letter’s. It’s all about the letter’s. It always has been. I do forget sometimes though. And it’s all right here in front of my face. The plan, the idea’s. Just sitting. Doing, nothing.

11:11.

When Jason gets home we are going to go to the Y to go swimming. I don’t know about Jason exactly, but Amy wants to go in the pool. (and sauna) Jason may play basketball. Who knows, whatever floats his boat today. Today Amy is going to swim laps. She noticed this morning that her neck can turn even farther to the right. Not left.

(Her dizzy spells have gone away too.)

Knock on wood.

4:51PM

She did it. They did it. They went to the Y. Note to self...

No more going to the swimming pool on Mondays. Mondays will be weights or nothing.

The pool.

It was awesome.

At first.

Adult swim. 16 and up.

Empty.

Did laps.

Look up…

Kids, kids, kids. Basketball and noodle, galore. Pushed us, right out of our invisible lane. It was about that time anyway they were there about ninety minutes. Kind of a waste. I am not old and bitter, maybe. I’m aged and want peace.

And you have poofy hair, says Jason. Out of the blue.

Wtf?

How do I take that?? Let it go?

Amy has always had an issue with her hair. Jason knows that. I was poofy. She had just washed it and it was beginning to dry. It, was frizzy. Why does he have to say anything about it at all? Why???

Because.

Anyway…

It’s 12:59PM. She slept a couple of hours and then she woke up and went for the coffee pot. Now she is here, and Diamond is in the chair right next to her. Breathing.

Jason should be up. He’s not yet. I haven’t heard the alarm go off…

There it goes!

He’s up.

Time to start another day.

It’s Tuesday.

Today is a day to go to an exercise class by herself. It's at 10 AM.

Active, Together.

That is what it is called. Sounds like a senior class to me. No offense. No judgements.

Almost.

Not, yet. (soup cans)

Speaking of…

Purple.

I don’t know how heavy the purple weights are, but that is what I use. I will look when I go to this class this morning. Whatever it was it gave my arms a good workout. I know that because they were sore, up until I got into the swimming pool and swam some laps. Or maybe it was the steam room. Whatever it was, she feels better today.

Seventy-four for a high today. Beautiful. But it’s tomorrow that Amy is looking forward to. Tomorrow it is going to be in the mid-eighties. And sunny. Lol She will suffer through today first.

Until tomorrow...