The Thanks I never Gave

I lay awoken, just before the dawn of the day rises from its comfortable corners, my gaze fixed on the bedroom’s ceiling for what it felt like an eternity. My name is Alexander Cornway and I have a problem. A tremendous, paramount of a problem. In just a few very short hours, I will have to get out of this bed and stare at the woman slumbering beside me. As she always does every single morning, she will yawn as loud as she can be---on purpose may I add, normally I would be asleep by that time, so she will place her corpse like hands on my back with a grin on her visage, I, as intolerant to the cold as I always have been, will bend my body in a number of ways, fighting back the shock to my system that my dear old wife loves to inflict on me. If I’m brutally honest, I will paint my face with this look of annoyance and irritation, blabbering some sort of witty remark, when in reality, I simply adore the fact that she kept that childish nature instill within her, even into adulthood.

   When that time comes, I will have to face the previously mentioned problem. The problem at hand being that in the ten long years after I married her, even to this very second, I still love her. And I’m not talking about the---I love her as my friend, or companion that I’ve lived with for such and such years and she has become a nice person to be around with---no, no, no. I still desire her! I yearn for her! I still find myself fantasizing--dreaming even about her when she’s not even around. I envy my own past self, because he will get to experience the emotional rollercoaster that it was to meet her, date her, and eventually marry her. I truly love her, and I never knew how to say it. How to verbally express my own thoughts and feelings to her--- and don’t get me wrong here, she knew all these things since the very beginning of our romance. She knew everything about me really, my wants, my desires, my hopes and dreams, what I hate, what I love and what I cherish. What I’m trying to say is, she knows me---and I just wish I could just let her know how grateful I am to her.  

That’s the very reason on why my eyes creep at the darkness of the room, why I can’t seem to catch the sweet nectar of slumber. How lucky I am to ever have a wonderful woman like her, and where would I be if I never would’ve met her? Those two questions have been revolving around my head constantly this night---every night to be honest, and although they are easy to answer, I can’t hope but ponder about them. She is a deem light beaming down the darkest of caverns, she is the lighthouse that guides the ships away from sinking to the bottom of the sea. She is my light, and only second to one, she is everything in my life---apart from the brat sleeping on the room next to ours, that is… I will never love anyone as I love her, and I realize that as long as I keep her memories close to my heart, I will keep her close to me---always.  

   The clock clicks, and time slowly flows, I now turned my gaze towards her side of the bed, my body slightly shifting to my side. I can’t say that she ever slept like an angel… Her loud snores and random moans that render you awake, were more than enough to scratch that thought out of your head, yet her silver hair that comfortably rested on the whiten pillow could easily make me think otherwise. Maybe she was an angel sent from above to bless me on behalf of my creator? But If that was the case… why? Why put me in this position? Why make me lay awake at night, embracing the bedsheets covers? Her side of the bed is still warm, even though she was always cold to the touch… I guess I do know the answer to these questions.

       The rays of the rising sun began to slither in between the gaps of the window shades. My eyes remained closed, as a sudden change of the bed became abundant enough for me to notice. I felt her hands intertwine around my chest, embracing me. I can smell the lilac lavender coming from her silver hair as it landed on the side of my cheek. I can’t hope but to feel my heart as it began to race, fast as jet breaking the sound barrier, I smile as I know this won’t last too long. Morning is just around the corner, and I know I’m going to have to wake up soon. Yes. I realize, I have been sleeping this whole time. It’s not my first time having this kind of dream, and God, I just wish it would last longer… Tears begin to be welled under my eyes, as I smile pleasantly at this whole ordeal.

  “I love you, Eli. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you in the end. I’m sorry, I never got to---”

“Daddy!” roared an innocent voice. A sweet melody bellowed around the room, as the wooden barrier that made the door, slammed open. “Daddy! Are you awake, yet?” Silver locks of hair bounce with each step, as the little girl made her way inside her parents’ room.

  “Hey, kiddo. What are you doing here so early?” I groaned, adjusting myself into a seating position, I extended my arms wide to act as a landing platform for the incoming rocket of love that headed my way. The little bundle of love launched herself into her father’s arms, a wide grin on her visage complemented her hazel eyes and the beauty mark on her lower left cheek. “God, every day you look more and more like your mother.” I said, as a warm smile paint itself on my face, “You’re growing too fast!”

She wrapped her arms around my neck, turning them into a strong lock, I swing her from left to right in a playful manner, ultimately placing her to my side.  

   “Daddy.” Rachel asks.

“yes, pumpkin?”

  “Who were you talking too?”

“What do you mean?”

 “Earlier daddy, before I came in, you said were saying. “I’m sorry” a lot.”

       “Ah, it was nothing, kiddo. I was just dreaming.” Rachel stared at her father, deep in his eyes.

  “Who did you dream about?”

“Oh, just someone who, I should’ve said Thank you too”.