You is the Reader

I don't think you'd know Cold until it bit you on the nose. Because that's exactly where it starts. It turns your bones to stone. See your frantic grasps. Grasping out for loose heat. Heat that snakes through your flesh and wisps away into that space. That cold that tricks. Disguises itself as a warm friend. Embracing you in a toxin to take away your taste.

I've been in the throes of Cold, dear reader. So chilling that you spend half the movie looking for a sweater instead of preparing for the ending. You know the one, potentially. Actually, yeah. I see it, right there at the tip of your nose.

The tip of your nose. There it goes. There you go. Down the Well. Oh well, now there is enough space at the fire for everyone. Oh, don't be so sad. It's not the end of your story. No, no. Just the end of the world.

A crackle of lightning shot out across Frost Jack's sky. Just as the seeds foretold. Who would have known, you were right. The Witch was right everyone! Cold is about to lighten up our lives. Take our bodies to the next plain, a hive mind. With one goal, to spread.

I promise I believed you! So it was at the end. I still did, doesn't that give me any ticket or key. I see the key, it's around your teeth. Oh my! Do I, don't tell me, I need to eat a-a-an apple! The apple farmer you just ate was my dealer. This sucks! Sucks, like you did before we threw you down that well. Am I right? I mean look at you! Beautiful eye, I can tell you've been eating your... flesh. Is it Cold? I heard somewhere it was. Death, couldn't be me. Wait, no! I meant Death Caps pair well with searing skin. I couldn't eat it personally. Too much umami and just hints of too much agony. But hey! you don't have to worry about that.

Can I, like, just sacrifice people in your name... or like be your little jester boi. What? Too weird? Dude you are a literal witch and as far as I'm concerned, the first zombie! That's super cool. You know I think you could be the most powerful Zombie. Forget this wasteland of rigor mortis. Command your army! Take me as your right hand. Like literally, I'll tell one of these walking shells that used to be my friends and family to hold yours It keeps falling off.

Yo! Yo, Reggie! what is up my Z? Do you mind holding this for our all-powerful leader? wink, wink Aw, thanks my guy. You look great dude. For sure Stacy wants you back, I mean you're the least amount of weight in your life. It's just falling off of you! All right, alright go get her. I call her mom!

Ha, Reggie, gotta love him, he'll guard it with his life I swear. If he eats it, you can eat me. Anyway, where do you wanna take over first? Probably not a place that a main base could be but maybe somewhere to get numbers. The Schools? Aren't they just one building with multiple layers…? No! What, that's actually crazy.

Oh, so it's multiple different buildings... they just are stacked on top of each other. I guess it does make sense, you have to climb more stairs when you get to higher levels of education. Is that why the college kids only come once every few days? I would too. Honestly, this is a great base location. Like, we don't even need to go anywhere else for numbers. We fortify it and have teams to go get food. Have smaller bases, not just to frighten but to trap as well. Give doomed heroes an easy-looking prize. Size up threats. Start Farming nomads! Potentially even... Nah you're right, I'm getting ahead of myself.

You wanted to see me Boss. Oh, the hand, yeah. About that, don't be mad but it got eaten. Let me tell you, it wasn't Reggie. You can't eat me! But you can eat yourself because I had the chef prepare a nice dinner for you. Before you see it let me paint you a word picture. It starts with a trumpet of noodles. Hot girl hair flip into a saucy, rich melted sharp cheddar cheese. Fried if you know what I'm saying. Bacon mixed slices of tender hand. A slight sting of cafeteria pepper flakes ignites your tongue with long-lost desire. Hopefully. Fingers crossed.

The time has finally come. I'm honestly disappointed but it had to happen sooner or later. I mean, I've given you everything but alright. No, go ahead and question why you still have me alive. I'll defend myself. First, remember that I'm the ideas dude. I've kept you full as promised and demanded. Are we low on Humans, Sure. I will give you that. You could also say that I've fed you random infantry Z's but you weren't related to any of them! No reason to waver though, I assure you. I came up with a new plan! You've heard. From who? Was it Reggie, cause I thought I had a friend? Excuse me a second as I rip this dagger of betrayal from my back Brutus... Anyway, the trap isn't for you. Just trust me!

Did you hear the news!? Sorry to burst in. Ooo, don't you look good! Who did you last consume? Someone unique, obviously. Good for you! Right, my news... I did it, no need to hug it out or throw a party or anything like that. Just a lot of renovation. No hiccups and no escapes either. Just a super simple reconstruction, a little rebranding. Totally my colors for this role. I'm so glad you're giving me the opportunity to live my dream of acting. I think Era would have liked me more then, instead of Steve with his snake or Jessie. We were best friends, meant to be more! Even her dog knew it.

I'm sorry that was too much. Well, if that's all. I will excuse myself now. Lots to do!