I didn't want that

Ivory said no she swore she did. But he didn’t listen. She didn’t want to give but he still took. She SAID NO and he still did it. She never told anyone. Who would listen to her? She’d helped victims before. Held classmates as they sobbed. It’s never the victim's fault. Not even the girls that get paid are to blame when someone does it to them. Why does it feel different for her? Why does it feel like Ivory deserved what happened? Maybe she led him on, that’s what he said happened. He said she could have prevented it.

Ivory sat in the shower, the water was scalding hot and her dark skin was burning. She felt dirty and no matter how hard she scrubbed the feeling of his hands wouldn’t go away. Ivory heard a knock on the bathroom door.

“Ive? Are you okay? You’ve been in there for a while.” Ella, her younger sister asked

“Yeah… I’ll be out in a sec.” xxxx, Ivory hadn’t realized how long she was in there. Trying to avoid attention she shut off the water and quickly threw on a hoodie and sweatpants. When she walked out of the bathroom her sister was still standing there. The eleven year old was smarter than Clay or their parents gave her credit for. Then again that might be because they weren’t looking for the same type of “smart”. She always seemed to know when something was off. Hell, the girl stopped being as touchy when she saw how uncomfortable Ivory was.

~...~

Ivory wasn’t ready to go back to school yet, she couldn’t miss any more days since she pretended to be sick all of last week. HE was there. Probably acting as if he did nothing. Even the idea of seeing him made Ivory want to throw up. After dropping Ella off at the middle school Ivory headed to Gamorah East High, where he is. The only thing keeping her going was her refusal to let him win. However, that only lasted until she saw HIM standing at her locker.

“I’m so glad you’re back, I’ve been so lonely since our little escape on the roof two weeks ago” He spoke like he wasn’t the only one who enjoyed it. “You know after class I think we should meet up behind the school.”

“no,” She mumbled “ please let’s not” She didn’t want him touching her again, though maybe, maybe if he was focused on her he’d leave other girls alone.

The bell rang before he said another thing to her. But he grabbed her hand and dragged her to the first class of the day. Leaning down he whispered in her ear.

“You know no one would believe you, do you know how quickly I can make your life a living hell if you don’t give me what I want”

Ivory wanted to cry, wanted to scream, that he had already done that. Here life was already hell. But that would be exactly what he wanted, for her to make a scene.

As her classes went by she couldn’t focus on what her teachers were talking about. At some point she ended up in a group and when she looked up to see who she was working with he made eye contact with him. Five minutes till the last class is out and she has to meet up behind the school. Five minutes of bliss. Her group is saying something but she isn’t paying attention.

“[Ivory] Ivory, does this weekend work for you?” Someone asked, they seemed annoyed but Ivory couldn’t care less.

“Huh, oh yeah sure. That sounds good to me.” Three minutes, students are packing up and putting their seats back into the rows they started in. Two, the clock sped up that had to be the case. Ivory wanted it to slow down. One, Ivory texted her sister letting her know that she won’t be able to pick her up from school.

The dreaded bell rang. It told the rest of the student population at Gamorah East they were free. It told Ivory she was trapped. She decided to stop by her cheer locker. Maybe he forgot, maybe he stopped wanting to be with her. 

Her sliver of hope was short lived as he started to follow her to the girls locker rooms. He grabbed her arm before she could walk in. Making it seem as though he was the caring boyfriend he pretended to be he pulled her into a hug. 

“You know, so many girls would call you lucky, I mean having sex with the captain of the football team” He started “Oh don’t go playing victim you know you’ll enjoy it, just like last time” Ivory couldn’t speak her voice was closed up. Please, she thought, I don’t want this.

Just like it didn’t matter the first time it wouldn’t matter the second. “Come on now you know you shouldn’t make your boyfriend wait. It’ll just get me more excited” Just hearing him say that made Ivory feel bile rise up in her throat but she choked it down to keep herself from throwing up on him. She almost did when she looked down. He grabbed her hand and she followed him as he dragged her behind the school. She could feel the other students staring as they passed, they thought she wanted this.

She kept saying no, and as always he refused to listen.

“Shhh you know you like it” 

~...~

Ivory was tired; she didn’t think she’d ever been this tired before. It was a different kind of tired than normal, more drained than sleepy. When she looked at her watch she realized she had to go to gymnastics. On the drive there she turned off her music and tried to put some kind of mask on. The gym was the one place Ivory knew he wouldn’t be. As she pulled up to the gym she saw a truck that looked like his. It was too similar, maybe she’d been wrong, god she hoped she hadn’t been wrong. While she freaked out she got closer to the truck hoping it wasn’t his. Soon enough and to her relief she could see that the bumper was missing the dent from when he crashed it into the school, it wasn’t HIM. 

The bag that held her practice clothes across her chest grounded her as she said hello to her coworkers and teammates alike. When she got changed she glanced at herself in the mirror and saw the weak girl she really was. Someone who only wanted attention. She tugged on her leggings . Pulling up her braids into a ponytail she headed out to the mats. She could see younger students learning handstands and cartwheels as she stretched, normally Ivory would have gone over and helped the coach. But today she just didn’t have the energy. It was one of the many things he took that she hadn’t wanted to give.

~...~

Being at home wasn't any better than being at school. He could just show up and her parents would welcome him in with open arms. They loved him, he was a good influence to Ella in who she should date. A few weeks ago Ivory would have agreed with them; he seemed better than any of the girls or guys Clay brought around when he was in high school.

Ivory started picking her skin. It was a habit she’d picked up from the first time he took from her. When she heard a knock on the door she started to panic, what if it was him? It had to be him. 

“Oh, Bianca dear, it's so wonderful to see you” Ivory heard her mom welcome, “Clay’s not here right now but come in, take a seat.”

“Actually Mrs.West I was here to talk to Ivory” The twenty year old explained. She knew SHE KNEW! Was all that was going through Ivory’s head. He must have told Bianca just how weak she was. 

“Well if you can get her out of the girls room she’s all yours”

Maybe Bianca would keep Max away from her.