Auf wiedersehen…

“Goodbye darling, I’m sorry but…”

She seemed to be getting upset. She was almost in tears. Then she walked out of the house. She was leaving me. I felt like weeping but I couldn’t.

Why had she gone? Why had she abandoned me? What had I done wrong? I had so many questions but she didn’t explain why she was going. I always tried so hard to communicate with her but usually I felt she wasn’t even trying to communicate with me.

Perhaps I knew in my heart that one day this would happen. My happiness couldn’t last for ever, could it?

Mmmm. Yes, I will certainly never forget that day, the first time my mummy left me all alone on my own in the place where we lived, the house. I was only 3, I think, and she had never left me all alone on my own before. I didn’t know what to do. I looked in all the rooms of the house to see if she was hiding somewhere but there was no sign of her. Then I looked in all the rooms again but there was still no sign of her anywhere.

Now I was on my own. Everything would be different from now on. Everything.

The day was a normal day. Just a normal day. Nothing special. I woke up before mummy did and went into her room to wake her up. I was really starving and I wanted my breakfast. I really wanted it. We went downstairs. I sat in the kitchen waiting. She watched me eat it all up and said, “Good girl. You are a good girl.”

I thought it was a normal day but it turned into a day that wasn’t normal at all. She left. Had I been naughty? Would she ever come back? How could I survive? I was sure that I hadn’t been naughty. I thought she loved me. I thought she would always love me. Why had she abandoned me? What had I done wrong?

I tried to play with my toys but I couldn’t. I tried to go to sleep but I couldn’t. I tried to watch television but I couldn’t because I didn’t know how to turn it on.

I liked to play with my toys in the morning…happy because I knew my mummy was watching and she was laughing because she knew I was having fun. I often used to go to sleep in the afternoon, relaxing on the sofa…safe because I knew my mummy was there and would be there when I woke up again. I watched television in the evening sitting on my mummy’s knee and I felt warm and safe even though I didn’t understand anything on the television and often fell asleep.

I can remember when grandfather left. He suddenly left. I was looking down and I could see two strange men carrying him out. He wasn’t moving. I think he was asleep. He never came back and I don’t know where he went. It seems a long time since he went away. He never came back again. I wanted him to come back to us. Mummy was sad. I was sad. It seems a long time ago. I was younger then. Thinking about it now makes me want to weep but I can’t.

I still have lots of memories of grandfather even though it is a long time ago. Some of them are happy. Some of them are sad. When he was lying in his bed I used to sit on his bed and he would smile at me. Sometimes he would sing to me. I don’t know what he was singing but it was lovely. I would have liked to be able to sing to him but I couldn’t. I can still remember those songs. I would like him to come back and sing some songs to me. Sometimes he was coughing very loudly. I suppose that was why he never spoke to me but just sang. The coughing was very loud. Mummy looked worried when he coughed. He never told me that I was a good girl but he sang to me.

Mmmm. What now? What next? Nothing to do. Nothing. So I sat by the window looking out through the window and trying to see something through the window. I was looking for my mummy but I couldn’t see her. I kept looking and looking…and looking.

I couldn’t go outside. My mummy only lets me go outside in the garden when she is with me. I love running round in the garden especially when it is sunny. I love smelling the flowers and chasing the butterflies. One day I tried to eat a butterfly but mummy was cross and she wouldn’t let me. She said, “Naughty girl.”

Mummy did get cross with me when I did something naughty. There was that time when I did a wee on her favourite cushion. But that was a long time ago.

My mummy often tells me that she loves me and what a beautiful girl I am. I love her very much. I try to be a good girl. I really do. But sometimes I can’t help being a bit naughty. I suppose that she has left me because she was fed up with me being naughty all the time. That must be the reason. It must be my fault. It is all my fault.

Suddenly I heard a noise outside. A footstep. Somebody was there. But who was it?

I heard another sound. The door was opening. Who was coming in? I was scared. Really scared. Really, really scared.

But it was my mummy. My lovely mummy. She picked me up and cuddled me and I purred loudly as she stroked my back and my tail. She took me into the kitchen and gave me a big saucer of food. It tasted so good. I felt confident. I felt good. I was happy again. My mummy was back home.

I thought she would explain everything but she didn’t……...