Solitary Animals

TW: Physical abuse

      I'm exhausted and hungry, my paws are dragging. The lights are blindingly bright and the sounds are loud and stressful. The pain is excruciating but tolerable just like it has been for five years. I should be used to this. I should be 'tamed'. but instead I retaliate and growl and paw at the trainer which causes a reaction of the whip hitting my face multiple times. I growl and jump back on the ball that I was balancing on and wait for my next cue.

"Welcome to the circus folks," the announcer said, “enjoy the show as you see the set up and performance of these exotic animals perform wildly crazy acts.”

The crowd cheered in response. And the show began.

Jumping through a fiery hoop, balancing on two bouncy balls while my brother Aba jumps over me.

After the show we get led to our cages. I'm not eating at night because of the little show I put on out there before the show started but it's something I'm used to. there has to be someone who wants to rescue us, right? I lay down and close my eyes. My dreams are filled with the forests I saw when we were on the road. Feeling the grass and the wet dirt under my paws is something I want but something I may never get.

The whole week had the same performances, the same lights, the same sounds, the same trainers. There was never anything different. The last show a group came into the circus holding papers. The owner of the show appeared at the barrier where he was asking them to leave. The crowds were watching this unfold. Some of the older people and their grandkids left not wanting to be involved. I simply looked but I ended up walking to one of the men that was there. He took a slight step back but nothing noticeable. He smelt like the other animals and forests. He looked at me then looked back at the owner who was trying to call one of his workers to grab me. 

There was constant back and forth between the owner and the group of people holding up the papers to the barrier. The trainer put the prong collar around my neck and led me away from them. There was something about them that gave me hope. Maybe it was the paper the man was holding up or the stern voices the people used to talk to the owner. Or maybe it was just my imagination and these people could just be another circus trying to buy me or Aba or the other animals for that matter. Either way I want to believe.

The people with the papers did end up leaving which was very disappointing. Quickly the trainers packed us up and the equipment. The show was over the people who were still in the stands watching the doors from when the people came in and left they were quickly rushed out and the stands taken down. They were in a rush to leave. It was not only in the air of worry but the trainers and the owner’s heart were racing like there was a finish line to get to. Aba seemed just as confused as we shared a look.

And before we knew it we were on the road again going to another place that we have been before. This was my life for five years. This is where I will always be. 

Soon we arrived at another spot and they began to set up the show later on so they tried fitting in some practices with us and the lions to make sure we had it down. We compiled but I could not get the smell of the man being intoxicating as he had the scent of freedom. But we were long far away from them. One of the lions attempted to attack the trainer that was asking her to jump over another lion. She eventually obeys when he orders her back up onto the table. This circus process is the same and it never changes. It is a repetition which can get tiring but this is what I do. It is not what I was born to do but this is what I do. I need to understand that before my hopes rise more than they should for a tiger bound to the chains of abuse.

Aba hurt his paw during one of the shows he got burnt from the flaming hoops. So the trainers sent him back to the cage and were going to see how he was for tomorrow night's show. So I performed with one of the lions and it went as smoothly as it could. And the same thing happened again. The people barged through the door with handcuffs and papers, this time they were telling the crowd to leave the premises. The elephants that we performed stopped. A couple of the women from the group took the peanuts out of their pockets and handed them to them touching their trunk when they came close enough. They have leashes and long guns. Some of the trainers were trying to hide or run away but were caught. Me and Aba were placed together in order to save room for the others. The cage has grass and hay. It was amazing bliss. Aba was still hurt but also enjoying the grass. We had no idea where we were going but it was a long trip. When we arrived at the huge building there were smells that were buzzing in my head. Chirping sounds from the blue sky were loud and joyful.

A couple minutes later there was a sting in my leg but after a little while my eyes were getting heavy and the sound was fading. I tried lifting my head but I’m not completely sure if it was enough energy to keep my eyelids open. I tried communicating with Aba but there was no response. Was I dying? What is my end? No, it can't be. I just need a little cat nap.

: May continue it just not sure how to go about it.