Diary of me dumping Sugar

January 1, 2024

Dear Diary. My New Year’s Resolution is to give up sugar for a month. I thought I had eaten all the Christmas chocolates and sweets, and the boxes of Purdy’s chocolate I’d bought as extra gifts just in case, but today I found a box I’d put for safekeeping in the closet behind the linens on the third shelf. (The boys can’t reach up there yet!) I meant to give them to my sister when we visited her today, and I had them in a bag by the front door, but Bonbon, the terrier rescue, we gave our five year old son, Jamie for Christmas, ripped it open and chocolates scattered everywhere. Fortuneately, we were able to rescue them all, except one, before Bonbon could eat any of them. While Jamie held onto Bonbon’s collar, my husband Brad and Kyle, my three year old son and I searched everywhere.

Brad and the boys gorged on them, and the boys were jacked up on sugar at Jenna’s, and somehow her Christmas tree got knocked over. I could see she was relieved when we left.

I’m sorry to admit that I popped that missing chocolate in my mouth, when the others weren’t looking. And worse, I let the suspicion fall on poor Kyle, who’s adorable, but immediately looks guilty even when he isn’t.

January 2, 2024

Dear Diary. I admitted to the kids this morning, that I took the chocolate. I only did it, because I felt bad about the blame going to Kyle. Jamie had been making him confess, when I went into their room in the morning to get them out of their jammies and dressed. That scallywag, Jamie, would fib in a heartbeat if he’d taken it.

“But Mommy. You told us a resolution is like a promise, and you broke your promise,” Jamie said and he started to cry, which meant Kyle joined in; not real tears, more like I-want-attention-too wailing. Brad poked his head in to see what was going on, and asked Jamie what was wrong, and Jamie told him, he couldn’t trust me anymore because I couldn’t keep a promise. Brad told him it was just Mommy’s silly resolution, and it wasn’t as important as a real promise, and that Mommy could still keep real promises. Of course, Jamie was confused, and Brad explained it would be like if he made a resolution to hop on only one foot all day, he probably wouldn’t be able to do it. So the two tykes were making a go of hopping, but didn’t last long.

I was feeling down because I’d messed up on my resolution yesterday, but after coffee without sugar (hooray for me!) this morning, I decided that there’s still thirty days left in January, which is as good as a month, so I’m on board again.

January 8, 2024

Dear Diary. Brad told me, I’m mad to give up sugar at this time of the year, and that I’m depriving him and our two kids, and he complained they’re being forced to suffer. But he’s the one who said I need to watch what I’m eating, when I was trying to fit into an old pair of jeans before Christmas. I’d like to see what he’d look like, if he’d been preggers twice and had his insides stretched to hold, develop and grow a baby.

I told him, that he can take Jamie and Kyle out and eat all the sweets they want, just not in the house. Jamie heard him say that, and launched himself onto his daddy’s leg and then Kyle joined him on the other leg, and they begged, until Brad took them out to Delicious & Devine Desserts.

I am pleased to say no refined sugar has passed my lips since Jaunary 2^nd. Don’t I deserve a reward, but sweets have always been that for me. Evenings are the hardest, so I’ve been putting my jammies on at eight, so I won’t be tempted to run out to the store.

January 9, 2024

Dear Diary. Mom came to visit. She wasn’t invited. I love her; she’s a lovely grandmother to the boys, but sometimes she drives me around the bend. Today, she had the gall to tell me I wouldn’t keep Brad if I didn’t look after my figure, as if he would be that shallow. And what century is she living in, if she thinks a woman needs to keep her man or vice versa? I suppose it’s a sore spot with her, since Dad walked out on her when I was sixteen. But they wer fighting all the time, so it was just as well. Certainly my life became calmer and both of them were much nicer to me once they separated. Ever since Mom thinks she needs to micromanage my life; as if she gets to use me to replay her own life. I look at Jamie and Kyle, and hope I never do the same to them. You won’t be surprised, but after all that, Mom complained that I didn’t have sugar for her tea or any cake or cookies for her.

January 10, 2024

Dear Diary. I told Mom yesterday Brad wasn’t so shallow he’d throw me overboard if I gained weight. I didn’t admit Brad had suggested I watch what I eat, but he meant the binging that was getting out of control. For a week, he’d kept a record of my binging episodes, and showed it to me. I won’t go into the particulars of the list, but there’s a lot of hidden binging he didn’t see. I think he thought it would shock me into eating more reasonably, but he didn’t expect me to go cold turkey on the stuff, but that’s the only way for me. Divorcing myself from sugar. Ha ha. You might wonder why I’m focusing on sugar. Last year, my GP told me I’m at risk for Diabetes Type 2. I tried to reduce and eat healthy, but the more I tried, the worse my cravings got and it made my binging worse. I tried to explain this to Brad, but he didn’t understand. The boys are young, and think it’s exciting that Daddy takes them out for treats. I love that they’re too young to know I’m depriving them of sweets at home My blood sugar, I’m checking ever day is normal, and I haven’t eaten any refined sugar, for nine days now.

January 11, 2024

Dear Diary. I had my first visit with Emma, a nutritionist counsellor. She was impressed with what I have done so far; eliminating sugar from my home and diet, and she was especially pleased that I’m writing this diary. I thought she’d put me on the defensive about my eating habits, and be like Mom, telling me I’d weigh five hundred pounds, if I didn’t shape up. While talking to her, I had this amazing insight. I had gone to that appointment, not only expecting to be shamed, but more importantly, feeling I deserved to be shamed. Emma encouraged me to continue writing to your, dear Diary, and to explore my relationship with food and weight. I’m optimistic, and even Brad is impressed that I’m keeping my resolution. He’s apologized for calling it silly. Jamie and Kyle asked me if I’m feeling better. My darling boys; I hugged and kissed them extra. I could binge in secret, but I could never keep them from being affected by my behavior.