This ghostly life I live

I love downtown. It's like eating a fruit salad with your eyes with your eyes closed. Not that I can eat fruit salad anymore, but it’s like that. One minute you’re walking down the busy streets and then you hit a wall, yes literally, and pass through into a whole new world. It takes a little getting used to, but once you get used to it it’s about the most fun thing you can do. Other than that, life is about as fun as the dentist.

If you couldn’t tell already, I’m a ghost.

My name used to be Thomas. I was 17 years old when I died (stupid car accident), and when I got the choice to pass on to the next life or stay here as a ghost, I chose ghost. I thought that would be pretty cool. You could haunt people, or just mess with them, you know, knocking over things and have them turn around and see no one there. Plus, being invisible was always something I wanted to try. And who knew what the next life would hold? Being a ghost sounded like the perfect option to me.

Idiot.

Being a ghost pretty much sucks. You can’t talk to anyone, can’t touch anything, can’t eat anything, and can’t even haunt people, because you literally can’t be seen, heard, or felt. You can’t even talk to other ghosts. How stupid is that? You can see other ghosts though, so I’ve seen a couple of fellow spirits since my untimely death 3 months ago, but there’s really not as many ghosts hangin’ around as you’d think. I’ve maybe seen 10 others. In three months. Talk about an endangered species. And every ghost I see doesn’t even acknowledge me. No smile, no wave, just wandering aimlessly looking depressed. We’re a fun crowd. Anyway, downtown is the only cool place to be, because at least people are doing interesting stuff. Like there’s this office building on Tobias, and let me tell you, the is some drama in that office. I didn’t even like drama when I was alive. I guess when you have nothing better to do other people’s lives become pretty interesting. Like a couple weeks ago I was in the office building, and there were these three co-workers talking about how they thought their boss secretly did improv at night. Boring gossip right? But I was so bored, I followed the boss home, and it turns out he does secretly go to improv at night! Crazy right? If only there was a way to tell these people their suspicions were correct. But there isn’t. And don’t think I’m creepy or anything for stalking this guy. It’s not like he can see me anyway. Ok maybe it’s a little creepy. But still.

Anyway, I’m walking down the street, and yes, ghosts walk, they don’t float, (although we do float if we jump off things like a building it’s pretty fun), and I’m trying to pick a building I haven’t been in before to pop into. I spot a tall glass building to my left. Usually, I don’t like glass buildings, because you can already see inside, so what’s the point? But I guess I could explore. Not like there’s a whole lot better to do.

I walk through the front door like a totally normal person and am met with this way-too-fancy lobby that has 50-foot high ceilings and one of those staircases that go back and forth all the way up. Only something seems off. Everybody is staring at the top of the staircase. As I look up, I see a man, probably early 40s, standing on the railing. He’s gonna jump.

Talk about a bad day at work. As people slowly realize what this man is about to do, they start yelling, at the man, at each other, and some lady is just screaming at everyone as she runs out the door I’m standing in front of. It always sucks when someone walks through you because you’re not ready for it and it feels like that feeling you get into your nose when it’s totally clogged, except throughout your entire body. Anyway, back to the man.

The dude is wearing a three-piece suit and has his hair slicked back. He looks so put-together and totally in pieces at the same time. He has this blank expression on his face that I used to see on some of my classmates' faces in school after one of those 90-minute classes. So tired, just ready for it to be over.

Surprisingly, this isn’t the first time I’ve seen someone about to take their life. Once, I was chilling on top of a skyscraper and this dude came up there. He sat on the ledge for like 45 minutes before one of his buddies came up as well. It was actually a really nice moment. I even shed a couple ghost tears watching them hug it out. But this dude doesn’t have any buddies to come to his rescue. Just a bunch of strangers screaming up at him not to jump. After a couple of minutes, two security guards arrive on the scene. They talk to the dude for a few minutes, and everybody gets really tense, frozen in places, like statues. Eventually, he agrees to come down from the railing and everybody continues on with their day, business as usual.

Well that was an interesting way to start the day, I think as I walk out the building. And in a weird way, I’m glad that dude decided to almost kill himself. I mean, I’m glad he didn’t, but it was entertaining. How messed up is that? I’m so starved for entertainment that the only thing I can think after something like that is, that was interesting. But that’s ghost life for you.

So yeah, if you’re thinking of becoming a ghost after you die, don’t. It sucks. And don’t even get me started on Halloween. Bunch of fakes.