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Coming of Age Middle School

For the third time, Reilly’s phone slipped off the table and hit the floor, with a dramatic thud that seemed to say “you failed!” once again. She sighed, picked up the phone, repositioned the selfie circle light attached to it, and checked the timer on the photo setting. Carefully this time, she leaned her phone at an angle she thought would make her face look skinny. 

She swiped the mode to “Portrait” setting, and mentally prepared herself for her best smile in 3,2,1…..

Finally! A picture she can work with. She had been setting up her Facespace account for days, and the picture of herself was the final touch. 

She had worked meticulously creating her profile. Her hometown was boring, so she filled in a more exciting one several towns over. Her job was nonexistent since she was only 14 and couldn’t drive herself to one, but she filled in “Accountant”. Why not? Seemed like a cool job. And she was getting good at making a perfect account here, so “accountant” was fitting. 

It took two years for Reilly’s mom to finally agree to let her have her own Facespace account. 

“You’re too young! You see everyone you know in school anyway!” she’d tell her. Over and over again. Reilly was tired of the same excuse. 

“Mom. ALL of my friends have had their own accounts for YEARS now! I’m THE most uncool kid in school because you’re so overprotective!” Reilly had argued back. But, to no avail. The answer was always no. 

Reilly’s mom told her the Internet was a dangerous place and blah blah blah. Reilly knew how to be safe, not give out personal information to strangers, all the things her teachers have been telling her for years. They even had a program at school about “The Dangers of the Internet”, and Officer Richard (who was Gary Richard’s dad), came in and presented an entire PowerPoint presentation on the topic. It took up Reilly’s whole Algebra class so she felt it was definitely worth it. 

When she went home that day, she told her mom about the program, and promised on her dead goldfish Barry’s grave that she would be safe online. Still, the answer was always no. 

Until now. 

Reilly stared at the picture she had just taken. The Portrait mode had blurred the background of her bedroom wall and poster of a kitten with a donut. That was probably a good thing. She made a mental note to get “cool” posters. 

The picture still wasn’t right. She opened it in another app, PicEnhancer. She set the filter to brighten her skin, darken her eyelashes, and shrink her nose. There. She stared at the new image of herself. Something still seemed off. She saved it, then opened it in another filter a user had created. It was called Moonlight, and gave a darker background, making her face stand out more. The blurred kitten and donut were completely indistinguishable now. Her hair looked lighter against the dark background. Better. 

Reilly tapped “save”, then saw another filter on the home screen to the app. This one was called Starlet, and made puffy full lips. She adjusted the shade of her lips to a light red, and adjusted the flush of pink on her cheeks. While she was there, she dragged her cheekbones higher. She felt a little giddy with excitement. Her picture was starting to look so amazing! She wondered how many friends would like her picture. And if Nick would comment on it. He said “hey” the other day when they passed in the hall, and Reilly felt her heart begin a gymnastics routine in her chest. She managed a “hey” back, complete with an almost imperceptible head nod of casualness. She was trying to sell the nonchalant acknowledgment of his existence, and in doing so, tripped over nothing just as he rounded the corner. That was a close one. 

She was finally ready to upload her picture and activate her account. She felt a rush of adrenaline as she uploaded her picture into the Profile Picture spot on the page. Done. 

Wait. 

She scrutinized her picture. No. Not good enough yet. 

Her chin looked ginormous in this photo. She went to another app, FaceErase, and shaved off the bottom part of her chin. In lifting her cheekbones earlier, her chin started to look disproportionally bigger. But now it’s fixed. Only…only now her right ear seems off. With another swipe over her phone, she minimized the size of her ear. That made her eyes look bigger. And that looked so Disney Princess! She swiped again and made her eyes bigger, and changed the color from her boring grayish blue to bright, almost turquoise blue. Just a little more darkening to her lashes and brows, and there! Perfect! 

Reilly hit “replace” on her profile picture and added the new and improved version of herself. 

She gazed at her picture, and thought how stunning she looked. 

She wrote her first post. Then deleted it. Then rewrote it. Then deleted it. She wanted to sound equally cool and unphased by the whole thing. She wanted to avoid sounding like she JUST started an account, even though she did. She thought of something brilliant. 

“Hey new account here, had to. You know, locked out of my other one. Add me here!”

Now people would think she had to start this one because an old one got hacked, and they just didn’t know she had one before. Then the “friend spread” would happen. Facespace would start suggesting her page to friends of friends until she grew her list to a respectable size. If she requested friends, they’d see she was just trying to add after being locked out of her old one which was totally cool. 

It was starting already! Notifications on her profile picture liking it. Friend requests on her list. And oh! A comment! 

Reilly clicked her picture and read the first comment. It was from Amy, in her science class.

“Gorgeous grrrl!” 

Reilly smiled. She felt gorgeous.

Another comment! 

“So pretty!” From Megan, who rides the bus with her. 

Reilly decided she could get used to this. She stared again at her picture and grumbled because it was time to go to school. She’d have to keep her phone in her locker til lunchtime, which would be pretty much an eternity. 

***

In homeroom, Reilly looked around wondering who saw her new profile picture and account. The first bell rang, and she gathered her books to make her way to English. 

“Hey. Saw your new Facespace account,” Nick said from somewhere behind her. 

Reilly turned and immediately turned four shades of red. 

“Oh! Yeah, I uh, had to make a new one. So annoying,” Reilly said, kicking at a rock that wasn’t there. Obviously, since they were in school. Stop being weird, she told herself. 

“Yeah, it looks pretty cool. But, I almost didn’t know it was you. I mean, like, the picture and all,” Nick said, his eyes narrowing a bit and seeming to look closely at her. 

Did he mean he liked her picture? He’s talking to her now, so it definitely got his attention. Maybe he realized how beautiful she was after seeing the new picture she created?

“Well, I guess I just wanted to say…you know, the Internet is dangerous, Reilly. You might not like who you see. 

“You mean ‘what’ you see?” 

“No. I mean ‘who.’ See you around,” Nick said, as he walked away noticeably shaking his head. 

Reilly stood there, as the late bell rang. She didn’t go to English, but rather to the bathroom. She stood at the mirror, and looked at her face. At her small eyes. Her big nose. Her short eyelashes and crooked brows. She thought about what everyone else sees when they look at her. 

Reilly walked to her locker. She took out her phone, and saw she had 52 new notifications from Facespace. She opened the app, went right to settings, and deleted the account. 

The internet IS dangerous. And maybe not in the way Officer Richard presented. 

November 21, 2023 19:51

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13 comments

Michał Przywara
21:38 Nov 23, 2023

Heh, this is great :) I don't know how you managed it, but it's both adorable and funny on the one hand, and crushingly sad on the other. Fitting in - or forging meaningful connections with peers - is something teens have always struggled with, but never before has technology been so readily available to sabotage them. Doctoring an image of yourself can be fun, but if the underlying message is “you're not good enough” it's also horrendously destructive. “And she was getting good at making a perfect account here, so “accountant” was fitting...

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Nina H
23:21 Nov 23, 2023

Thanks for the kind words, Michał! You’re right, fitting in as a teen is a timeless struggle. I like how you termed it though, that they can be sabotaged by technology now. I’d like to think they have certain resiliencies too, as the whole thing evolves. It was definitely much easier being a kid before the dawn of social media! Thanks for reading!! :)

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S Fevre
17:28 Nov 28, 2023

Great take on the theme, thought provoking. I learned a think or two about just how people edit their pictures, scary! Could really feel the teen ambiance, the relationships, the desire to fit in.

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Nina H
19:08 Nov 28, 2023

Thanks so much for reading! Yes, there are so many ways to change yourself these days! (Or others, but that’s a story for another prompt maybe!) 😄

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Chrissy Cook
03:44 Nov 27, 2023

This was a really neat take on not only kids using social media, but how photographs can very quickly become far more fictional art pieces than any painting! You also did a great job, as all the comments so far have mentioned, of capturing what it's like to be at that awful, awful middle school/early high school age. Very well done. :)

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Nina H
20:27 Nov 27, 2023

Thanks so much Chrissy! 😄

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AnneMarie Miles
16:46 Nov 25, 2023

More kids should read this!! You captured the insecurity and doubtfulness that young teens feel so well. And the pressure to make yourself look a certain way. I loved the FB-Myspace combo. I remember spending hours making my Myspace profile look "perfect". Those likes and comments can be addicting when you're young! Nick seems like a good guy. Really hope my daughter has a wise peer like him to help guide her. Thanks for sharing this cautionary and very relatable tale!

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Nina H
18:22 Nov 25, 2023

Ah, the MySpace heyday, where I think you could even add music to your profile?!? I hope this social media generation will learn to value themselves for who they are, not a version they create! I’d like to go back to this and maybe make it longer. There’s certainly more that can go into the struggles teens are up against now. Thanks so much for reading!!!!

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AnneMarie Miles
18:45 Nov 25, 2023

Yes I remember the music and even adding entire music videos 😂 but yes, this story could go on and be built up a bit more if you want! The teenage emotions are so complex. I could see a lot coming of this. Sadly, I could see the MC being bullied online.

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Chris Miller
17:26 Nov 23, 2023

I feel sorry for kids having to navigate this stuff. I can't blame them for wanting to get into it but it is so dangerous. I like the way that you suggest that it's real relationships that actually matter.

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Nina H
23:14 Nov 23, 2023

Thanks Chris. Yeah, they easily fall into the trap of online popularity vs real life connections. Self-image is a tough hurdle!

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08:20 Nov 22, 2023

Interesting ending. I thought there would be a conflict with other people, but it became more of an issue with self esteem with all the filters and AI apps that can tweak our pics to look better than reality. I can imagine teens at home spending hours adjusting their profiles, and then being afraid to go to school the next day. You wrote the tech part in the beginning really well ! I find it hard to write about characters using technology and social media.

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Nina H
13:47 Nov 22, 2023

I think I wanted to highlight the inner conflict with herself, how she viewed her appearance, and ultimately deciding it wasn’t “her” after all. It’s amazing what a picture can morph into thanks to apps!!!

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