Gone Benji Gone

Today, day one, on starting a new novel. My publisher gave me a strict deadline to complete a final draft. I was asked to complete a horror novel worth at least 200,000 words. About 450 pages. A daunting task considering that it had to be delivered within three weeks. The payout was huge if I kept the end of the bargain. Hacksaw, my publisher, was in need of a big hit. A best-seller. They came up to me for this mega project with a sensitive time constraint. The end of year approaching, we are in the last quarter of the year and we are close to Halloween. Perfect time to release such a story and help myself and Hacksaw financially.

People have started to associate my work with the horror genre. I have the talent to write any genre I believe. I don’t want readers to tag me as a one-dimensional writer. But, here I am. My sixth novel in this category. The others four were mystery, suspense, thriller and drama.

It has been five years now that I own a dog. I love his company. Especially where I live in a far remote place. No houses to see. The closest neighbor is maybe a mile away. I am close to a forest and a lake. Lots of green space. To feel this calm, silence, peace, the sounds of the nature, no pollution, no vehicles, no traffic, etc. A paradise for a writer. Sometimes it would be so quiet that it seems scary. Feeling like you are the only human being on the planet. That is where my dog, Benji, comes into play. He really cheers me up. I feel like he listens to me and understands my feeling.

Benji, is a mixed breed mutt. I named him like the dog from the movie Benji from 1974. I love that movie and I saw it the first time in 1981 when I was five years old on a Sunday afternoon on tv. Great memories. Today, I am 44, and now that I own a big house, far from civilization, I decided to adopt a dog. I got Benji when he was only a few days old. So pretty much since his birth.

On a daily basis, everyday, three times a day, Benji and myself, we would go for a good twenty-minute walk. After each meal. At the same time, make sure he takes care of his daily business, and to not mess up in the house. I usually don’t enjoy routines but this was special with Benji. It was our time together. For me, it was like going out for recess time from school. In this case, break from writing most of the time. Even in cold winter days, we would confront the cold, the winds, the snow and get our workout completed.

I am at day twelve and I have not reached half of my novel! I am losing it. Not sure why I took upon this task but now it is too late to back off. If I do, Hacksaw will never deal with my work ever. I am quite comfortable with working under pressure. My focus for the next nine days will be solely on my draft.

I woke up today, it is day fifteen. I have stopped taking showers. I am skipping meals. I am sleeping four hours a day. I am at lost with words for hours at a time. The clock seems running faster than usual. Benji keeps looking at me with a feeling of abandonment. I try to cheer him up but I don’t have time. Not now. I need to get this done. I am telling Benji to move away from my working desk. He keeps crawling near my feet and that is a distraction. I push him away. I took him to another room and put on The Littlest Hobo. Maybe he will watch this great dog show and his adventures and let me work.

We are at day seventeen. I am at two thirds of my project. I have not left the house in days. I no longer have time to take Benji out for his daily activities. I got pressing matters to deal with. I am getting a few calls a day from my publisher. Asking about my word count. Asking about my progress. I feel a sense of harassment now. 

Day nineteen. I am forgetting to feed Benji. The house is a mess. Thank God I have food supply for a few more days. Benji seems distant now. He is lying in the corner of the living room. Behind the couch. I can’t see what he is doing. He is hiding from me, avoiding me, or wants to be alone.

Day twenty. I need to open the window in my bedroom even if it is a cold fall day. I need some fresh air. Benji has not left the house in over a week. I did not even have time to pet him. I am just filling his bowl with enough food but I forget sometimes. I am going to open the front door and tie Benji with his leash. He will get some time to be out without venturing in the woods. I will leave the exterior door close that has a mosquito net. I can hear if something happens. It is almost midnight. Should I take a break, a nap, or sleep a few hours?

D-Day!!! It is 4 AM. I have maybe twenty pages to write. My story is not conclusive if I stop now. I would not be happy if it was published in the current state. I slept two hours only. Back to my writing desk. It seems promising now. I think I will be able to finish on time. They gave me till 4 PM this afternoon to submit my final draft.

Last hour before the deadline! I have a few hundred word left and the end seems a good one for the readers. They will be surprised of the ending and asking lots of questions about the main character of the novel. It is 3:56 PM. Yes!!! Done! I will submit it by email. Oh boy! I felt like I was high on a drug. Well, yeah, the coffee. I think I drank eight cups of coffee today so far.

Now I can rest. Probably, I will now take a long break. I honestly did not leave the house in a long time. I did not answer calls, sms, emails, beside the one from my publisher. I love it when a plan comes to fruition. I am proud of myself. I will go take a nap now. A good four-hour nap. I want to be able to go to bed later tonight. I look like a zombie. After a good long nap, I will take a shower. I stink. It is horrible. How can I live with myself? I don’t know.

I wake from my nap. I forget about Benji! As I open the door, I realize that the leash is cut off, trimmed. By someone? Accident? Benji chewed on it? I screamed. I yelled out. I looked around the house. I am checking all the rooms in my house. No signs of Benji. I can’t hear him. I can’t feel his presence. Did he really leave me? It was only a few days I ignored him. It was a few too many days. Okay, it was more like over two weeks. I treated him like an animal when he is supposed to be my best friend, my buddy, a family member.