Forgiveness

Dry leaves rustled in the chilly October wind, the rust colored dead leaves on the ground blew in all directions as the wind constantly shifted. Despite gray clouds in the East, the setting sun in the west turned everything a brilliant shade of gold. It was as if the weather was playing a war, trying to decide if it wanted to stay gray, dreary, and depressing or it was attempting to brighten the last moments of the day with sunshine and promise of new beginnings for the next day.  

Amethyst shrugged her jacket tighter around her shoulders, despite the sunshine it was still a chilly day. She had parked her car beside the baseball diamond at the park in the Blissfield Park and was walking along the path towards the playground. She had grown up here. So many memories had flooded her, in the back of the park was a softball diamond. There, she played so many softball games. If she remembered correctly, she had won a lot of those games too. She stopped at the playground entrance. So many changes and updates had been made. She was glad for it. Alot of the equipment had been old and was beginning to rust when she graduated the high school there. A chain link fence surrounded the park, she supposed it was for keeping the younger kiddos safe when they played on the playground, so the adults that watched them didn’t have to worry about the straying children wandering into the parking lot where vehicles came and went.  

For today, the playground was abandoned. She glanced at her watch, it was five o’clock. Most families would be sitting down for dinner. She should be home with hers, preparing dinner for her children. Her mom offered to keep them for the night, being it was a Friday night. The boys were excited to spend the night with Nana and Papa. Boredom of being home alone had led her to the library to work on her homework for school, and then here to the park on this late October afternoon. Amethyst sat down on one of the swings and began to swing.  

Even though she had many great memories in the sleepy, quiet little town of Blissfield. Heartache flooded most of those away. As she swung, she allowed herself to think of her graduation night. That night that had allowed her to make her decision to leave Blissfield to attend nursing school at University of Michigan and then accept a job at the prestigious U of M hospital in Ann Arbor where she had lived for the last several years until she decided to move her kids back closer to home to be closer to her parents and their farm. After moving back, she began helping her dad train horses and found her love for horses and show jumping once again. She has even began training herself for the show circuit in the next summer. Amethyst hadn’t been to Blissfield since. Even thinking of it now, her heart ached from that painful memory. Her high school sweetheart, Ryan, had decided he was going to dump her before leaving for college. Telling her that he didn’t want to feel tied down, even with a long-distant relationship. He wanted to spend his college days living the free and single life. They had been best friends for as long as she could remember, until their freshman year in high school when he had asked her to the junior dance and kissed her at the end of the evening. Amethyst had been secretly in love with him since middle school and was absolutely thrilled when they began to date. They had planned their future, even going to separate colleges. So when he had decided to do that, Amethyst had been blindsided by it and it made the heartbreak even worse.  

Tears welled up in her eyes at the memory of it. As she gently swung back and forth, her heart felt heavy. Even after all of these years, her heart felt like it was breaking into two pieces all over again. Last week she had been at the feed store buying feed for the horses at her parents farm when she had ran into Ryan. He had been doing the same for his horses. He had asked her to meet him so they could talk about things. For the life of her, she had agreed to the meeting without even thinking about it.  

So here she was. Sitting on the swing, waiting for Ryan to show up. She stopped swinging when she spotted a figure walking towards her from the parking lot. He was tall. A lot taller than she had remembered. His strawberry blond hair had lightened, but in the October sun it was golden with red hints. He was wearing a black Carhartt coat. His summer blue eyes lightened softly as he approached her. Amethyst’s heart skipped a beat at the sight of him. Even though he had broken her heart, she still felt some love for him.  

“Hey,” he said. “Do you mind if I sit next you?”  

Amethyst smiled small as she said, “Yeah.” 

He sat down next to her. They sat in silence for a moment. She assumed he was getting accustomed to her presence, just like she was. They just sat. She moved gently back and forth on the swing, letting the toe of her shoe dig in the dirt beneath the swing. After a few moments, she stole a glance at Ryan. To her surprise, he was staring at her. His eyes were clear, with concern, and possibly regret. Amethyst wasn’t trying to jump to conclusions, but a tiny part of her held some hope.  

He spoke first. “Listen, Amethyst. I know I owe you an apology. What I did had been wrong and you, of all people, did not deserve what I had done. Especially without an explanation.” He paused, waiting for her to speak. She didn’t say a word, unsure of what to say. Ryan spoke again. “I was young and stupid, you know. We had barely graduated, and the guys were all talking about how they already had plans lined up for parties and football and just not being tied to one person. 

“At the time, I thought it was a favor to both of us. I didn’t want you to feel like you were being tied down. We were so young, Ame.” He paused, then kept going. “It hurt like hell, what I did. But honestly, it didn’t really hit me until I had moved into my dorm and you were the one person I wanted to talk to, to share that experience with. I don’t know how many times I started to call you and knew that you would never, want to see or hear from me again. I had talked to your mom a few weeks after college began and she had told me how devastated you had been, that you had left that night in tears and had heartbreak all over you.”  

Amethyst studied him. She could see the regret on his face. After a moment of silence, she spoke softly. “I never hated you, Ryan. I was very heartbroken, yes. However, hating you never crossed my mind.” 

Ryan drew in a shaky breath. Amethyst could see the relief wash over him, he closed his eyes. Then he opened them and spoke, “I never married. After you, I think I may have tried dating through the years, but none of those became anything. After the third attempt at dating and it failed, I realized I was still in love with you and I just kept looking for you. So I just pushed myself at vet school, came back here, and opened my equine clinic.”  

Amethyst smiled. “You always wanted to do that. I’m happy for you, Ryan. I really am. I just want you to know...I forgave you, a long time ago.”  

“Thanks, Amethyst. It means alot to me to hear you say that. I hear you work as a nurse at U of M in the ER. That’s awesome. I’m proud of you as well.” Ryan said. “I also hear you’re also back in the show circuit. Have you signed up for any shows this season?” 

Amethyst shook her head, “No. I’m just getting back into training. I haven’t found the perfect horse yet.”  

“Well, maybe we can go horse shopping sometime.”  

She smiled. “I’d like that.”  

It wouldn’t be something that they could fix overnight, Amethyst realized. It would take time to build this relationship back. She knew he would have to meet her children, she thought to herself. That would be the deciding factor. They lost a father when her husband died in a car accident when her youngest was just a baby. Three years, she had been doing the single, widowed, mom life. But, she knew that Ryan would adore them no matter what. His smile was as bright as the golden sun. Somehow, even the dreary, gray clouds could dim his smile.  

“So, how has life treated you after all these years?” Ryan asked, glancing down at his boots as he dug them into the dirt.  

Amethyst smiled softly. “I have three boys. Charlie, Derek, and Landon. They are my world. I married after college, we were married six years before he passed away in a car accident.” 

“I’m sorry to hear that, Amethyst.”  

“Thanks, I accepted it and focused my life on the boys and trying to help them move on as well.” Amethyst said.  

Ryan grinned and shook his head as he spoke, “That’s amazing, you have three boys.”  

“Yeah, they are pretty great.”  

A comfortable silence fell between them as the sun began to set lower. The park lights came on and the wind got chillier. Amethyst reached over and took Ryan’s hand. She rubbed her thumb on the back of his hand.  

“Look, Ryan, I am not ready to start dating.” she spoke softly. “However, I would like to see where this goes. I have missed you so much through the years, and yes, I got married and started a family. I am a big believer that life offers us second chances, and I think this is our second chance.”  

Ryan lifted her hand and gently kissed her fingers. “I have waited this long, Amethyst. I will wait as long as you need me to, I promise.”  

They stood up and walked to their vehicles. His truck was parked next to her Jeep. They stopped in front of the vehicles. He surprised her by wrapping her into a hug. Amethyst accepted his warmth and leaned into the hug. It was so familiar, she could feel tears filling her eyes as her heart finally felt like it was home. It was unsure to her what the future held, but she was sure of one thing. As of today, it was brighter than ever and for that, she was ever thankful for believing in second chances.