You're Going to Need This

A young woman with short dark hair and a sly smile held out a bright yellow piece of paper as Eileen and May walked past. She stared deep into Eileen’s eyes, then winked and said, “Here, you’re gonna need this.” Eileen barely had time to say, “uh, thanks” before May scattered the moment, like a wisp of smoke, with a fast stream of words. “So I know I said that tonight would be just us and we’d just hangout and catch up, but I sort of agreed that we’d make an appearance at Colin’s place.” Eileen furrowed her brow as May rushed on, “They just moved in so it’s just a mild little house warming thing, so I said we’d totally be there. Like we’ll pop in, make a thirty minute appearance, I’ll drive so you can have a drink, then we’ll sneak out and grab take out and a movie?” May’s hands were clasped together in front of her chest, literally begging Eileen to agree to the new plan that she really had no intention of agreeing to. Eileen took a slow breath and said, “How about instead…you pop in to the party” — “housewarming, not a party,” interrupted May — “Whatever, but you go, and while you do that, I’ll make dinner and rent a movie and you can meet me back at your place when you’re done.” May’s face contorted into an ugly pout and Eileen silently wondered why they were still friends. “No, seriously, you have to come. Everyone wants to see you. You came all the way out here to visit me, I can’t just abandon you when we’re supposed to be hanging out!” Eileen internally cringed at the “supposed to” remark. She knew May didn’t mean to make it sound like hanging out with her was either obligatory or a chore, but somehow Eileen always managed to feel that way whenever they got together. 

It hadn’t always been that way. They had met in second grade when May had volunteered to give Eileen, the new kid, a tour of the elementary school. May adopted Eileen into her friend group, but it wasn’t until they found themselves both in aftercare, the only two from their third grade class, that their friendship solidified into “best friend” status. Twelve years later, Eileen still considered May to be her best friend, but she could feel the ties that once held them so close together, starting to unknit. She tried to focus on May’s persuasive arguments, delivered like piles of junk mail, and realized that May had dug her heels in and would not be entertaining any counter arguments.

“So really, it just makes sense for you to come with me. It will save me from having to drive you all the way back to my apartment, just to turn around and come back to this side of town, and that Sushi shop we love is here, so we can totally grab that on our way home, and besides, everyone is really excited to see you!” Eileen doubted that last part. She had met May’s friends a few times over the past two years, but they were a very different crowd than she was used to, more align with May’s outgoing, fast-paced, down-to-try-anything personality she had adopted during her first year of college in Southern California. It didn’t help that the events of the last few years had encouraged Eileen to face inward, build tall strong walls around herself while finding refuge in books rather than people. “Oh shit” Eileen muttered. Thinking about books, she realized that she didn’t have one on her. She usually carried at least one in her purse in the likely event that she needed an escape from people. “Oh yayyy!!” May squealed, assuming that Eileen’s curse meant she had given in, which technically, she had, but not the way May thought she had. Really, it didn’t matter. May had gotten her way, and Eileen would be thrown into battle, minus her shield. 

Feeling exhausted, Eileen climbed into the passenger seat of May’s car. May was already ripping open the Wu Chronicles CD she had just bought at the downtown Tower Records and violently twisted the volume knob of her Honda Civic, effectively cutting off any further conversation. May’s celebratory whoop of delight as she pulled into traffic made tears spring into Eileen’s eyes. She quickly blinked them back annoyed at herself for being so sensitive, always feeling like a party-pooper. She gave herself a pep talk, rationalizing that she could up her social output for the thirty minutes they planned to be there. She practiced small talk in her head as they sped towards Colin’s house, wondering if people would rather talk about the declining Orca population and what might be causing it, or President Clinton’s acquittal by the Senate. Either way, she felt ready.

They had to park a few blocks away from Colin’s house, but even at that distance, Eileen could feel the music pounding, acting as a beacon for revelers and a warning for mopes. May did not even try to contain her excitement as she danced her way up the block. Eileen set her face in what she thought was a good approximation of a laid-back-person having an awesome time. She even tried a few dance steps, mimicking May, but quickly stopped realizing she only had enough energy for the face mask, not a whole body mask. Every time May glanced back at her she gave a wide, open-mouthed laugh, hoping that it looked mostly normal. Even before they crossed the house’s threshold, people were screaming May’s name. Entering a room with May always carried the energy of bringing a chicken to a dog park; exciting chaos that had the potential to devolve into violence. 

Eileen watched May flit from group to group until someone yelled, “MAY! KITCHEN! NOW!!” Eileen’s stomach dropped. The only reason to go to the kitchen was to drink. May promised that she wouldn’t drink because she was going to drive them home. Eileen would have been happy to drive them home, but they had brought May’s car which was manual transmission, and Eileen had never learned to drive a manual. Eileen pushed her way through the crowd, reaching the kitchen just in time to see May drinking straight from a bottle of rum, eyes closed as she gulped, blindly groping for the chaser Colin held out to her. Eileen struggled against the push of the crowd, trying to make her way over to May who grabbed a sweating beer out of a cooler as she effortlessly strode through the door into the backyard. Eileen felt murderous. She gave up the pursuit knowing that whatever she said would not change anything, but would definitely land her in a fight with May.  

Eileen drifted back the way she had come, ending up in a sparsely populated living room. It wasn’t much quieter here, but there was an entire wall of tantalizing books beckoning her to join them. Eileen instantly started scanning the spines, looking for short story collections — She had made the mistake of starting a novel at a party once, resulting in her one and only bout of kleptomania. Eileen selected a collection of short stories by Stephen King titled “Nightmares and Dreamscapes” and flipped through the pages, stopping at her favorite King short story, “Chattery Teeth.” Just a few lines in, she’s interrupted by a guy she vaguely remembers from her high school. “Reading at a party?! That’s just wrong man!” As she pauses to figure out what the correct response to his statement is, recognition dawns in his eyes. “Oh! Hey! We were in school together, right?” Then his face dropped and she could tell he was about to whisper, meaning he was about to bring up the one thing everyone seemed to remember about her, but she wished they would just forget. “Oh….yeah…your mom…..died…in that boat accident.” He mouthed the last few words like her mother’s death was just some hot gossip. Eileen was even less sure of the correct response to this comment, but he plowed ahead like a jack-knifed big rig on ice. “Oh man, I’m sorry. I know exactly how you feel…..my dog just died, hit by a fucking car. It just fucking blows to loose a family member, you know man?” Eileen blinked at him, then said, “Oh absolutely, man! The fucking worst! We tried so hard to train mom not to run out in front of the other boats, but that damn Sea-doo went zooming past and she just had to give chase! Fucking tragedy!” The kid stared at her with narrowed eyes, mouth hanging open and Eileen felt pretty confident that was the wrong response. The kid laughed weakly then started nodding and laughing harder, “That’s dark man. Good for you, ya know? Gotta laugh or you’ll just cry, am I right?” Eileen was now desperate to get away from this walking cliche, so she mimicked his fake laugh and walked away telling him to enjoy his evening, making a beeline for an armchair nestled in a shadowy corner of the room. 

— 

May hovered in the doorframe, quietly studying Eileen, curled up in an armchair, absorbed in a book. She felt a deep protective love that made her heart ache. Life was so cruel, so unfair, so harsh. May wanted to scoop her friend up and nestle her in her pocket and protect her from the world. But knowing that was impossible, she was determined to do the next best thing; surround her with people who would love and protect her as much as she did. If only she could just get Eileen to relax a little and show people who she really was under that stiff, prickly exterior. May felt, no, knew that Colin and his crew were just the remedy for Eileen’s melancholy. Fueled by laughter, dancing, music, shared stories - oiled by liquid courage and inhaled personality - Eileen could be coaxed to once again participate fully in what the world had to offer. 

May crossed the room to perch on the arm of Eileen’s chair. “Hey there. So I sent Evan in here to talk to you, did you see him?” Eileen sighed, annoyed that she was being pulled out of her book again. “Oh yeah, really charming dude. Turns out we have a lot in common.” May clapped and sang, “Yaaayyy! I knew you would!” Eileen narrowed her eyes making May realize that she had missed something. “May, he compared my mother’s death to his dog dying. Like, what am I supposed to do with that?” May cringed realizing that maybe drunk Evan was not the best ambassador. “Well, that can’t be all that you talked about. What else did he say?” “Nothing May. He congratulated me on being dark and left. Sorry to disappoint, but I’m really not in the mood for this, especially since this was not the plan.” Eileen could feel angry tears spring into her eyes and she clenched her jaw refusing to let them spill. “Oh, come on Eileen. This is supposed to be fun! Ha! Come on Eileen! Get it?!” May knew it was the absolute wrong moment for a joke, but the bowl she had helped pass around seemed to be making her decisions for her. Eileen sighed again and said, “You promised thirty minutes, but that was almost two hours ago. You insisted on driving today, so I can’t even drive us home when you finally do feel like leaving, and I’m really not in the mood to drink, especially since I haven’t eaten. I’m tired, annoyed, hungry and really want to take my contact lenses out. I don’t want to be a wet blanket, but you really did not set me up for success tonight.” Eileen felt her heart race as she confided these complaints that she usually swallowed, knowing that May was mostly drunk and probably high and would not remember this conversation tomorrow. 

Just then there was a commotion from the kitchen. Several people started calling May’s name. She ignored them, determined to stay present with Eileen, even though the alcohol and weed were already picking at the threads of their conversation. Eileen said, “You better go in there, they aren’t going to stop until you do.” May looked between Eileen and the kitchen several times, her indecision almost comical before saying, “I better pop in there real quick to see what they want, but I’ll be right back. Don’t move!” Eileen just shook her head as May bounced into the kitchen, yelling, “Heyyyyyy bitches!! HELL YEAH I’LL DO A KEG STAND!!!!” 

Eileen hefted herself out of the armchair, leaving the book abandoned on the seat. She slipped out the front door, pulling it shut behind her. Instantly she felt some of her tension melt into the quiet of the night. She then dug into her purse, pulling out her Nokia flip phone and the yellow pizza coupon she had been handed earlier that day. A plan started to take shape in her mind and she wondered if she actually had the moxie to go through with it. After several deep breaths, and a few practice runs, she dialed the number of the pizza place and held her breath until the same young woman who had handed her the coupon answered the phone. Before she could loose her nerve, she quickly outlined her plan to the young woman. The line was so quiet, she thought maybe the woman had hung up, probably thinking it was a prank call. Eileen was about to hang up when she heard, “Yeah, ok. It’s my last delivery before I’m done for the night, so yeah, I can do that.” Eileen released the breath she had been holding, gave the address to the young woman, then hung up to await her pizzas. Thirty minutes later a small car pulled up in front of Colin’s house. The young woman hopped out and handed a large pizza to Eileen. In a moment of inspiration, Eileen reached into her purse and pulled out a pen. On the lid she wrote, “Go then, there are other worlds than these.” The young woman, reading over Eileen’s shoulder said, “Oooh, a Stephen King quote. Nice touch.” Eileen felt inexplicably pleased that the woman knew the quote. Then as an after thought, she added, “PS May- I got a ride home. Have fun, I’ll see you tomorrow! —Eileen” Then Eileen placed the pizza on the doorstep and rang the doorbell several times before running with the woman back to her car. 

Once they were in the car, the woman said, “So, where’s your second pizza going?” Eileen gave her May’s address, then feeling electrified by the plan she had just pulled off, she asked, “So, any chance you’re hungry?” The young woman grinned and said, “Oh yeah, I could definitely eat.”