Do it again

In the name of everything holy, the only thing worth living for is love. Tim believed this down to the fiber of his genes, but only because of hearing it so often as a kid. 

“Now Timmy, don't go chasing money or power because the only thing that could ever truly fulfill you, is love.” Nan had said any time Tim mentioned his future goals.

“But Nan, don’t people love the rich and famous?” Tim had countered one day.

“Just let people love you.” Was all Nan said. He could never get much further in the conversation. No counter argument could change her mind. Even though Tim had always challenged Nan, he stood in front of a parlor, 21 and alone, knowing she was right. Nothing in the world felt like love did in a warm embrace. Nor could anything compare to the way its smell lingered on a pillow from a night bound together. 

“I miss you Nan.” Tim whispered twirling a braided bracelet on his wrist, adorned with a single pearl. “I wish you could be here because I’m finally ready.” The door to the parlor was tinted black, leaving Tim to wonder if he was being watched. Either by people or spirits, neither option settling his nerves. His family did not believe in places like this or people who did witchcraft or spirit speaking or whatever they call it. But Tim needed answers. He needed to know if the woman he loved was for him and if she would stay through thick and thin. It was this need that allowed him to grab the silvered handle and pull.

Inside the atmosphere was numbing, The walkway was dark and for a moment Tim thought he had entered an abandoned studio. Only the sound of Hindu hymns and a creaking ceiling fan gave notice of life. Although lights were on, the black walls soaked up any ounce of brightness. No sounds from the outside world dared to leak in. “What a wonderful place to be kidnapped” The thought crossed Tim’s mind as he met the eyes of a woman sitting in a velvet chair. He smiled despite his intimidation from the atmosphere.

“Tim.” The voice made him jump from his skin, for a moment he had imagined she was a doll from her stillness. 

Bashful at his edginess, he replied with a blush. “Yes, that is me.” He would pay a pretty penny to reserve this place just for himself for a couple of hours. Tim rolled his shoulders to try and relax. “Sorry this is my first time here and my first time doing anything like this.” He gestured to the room.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Real sympathy lacked from the woman's voice but it wasn't judgmental either. Tim watched as she stood and began rummaging through a cabinet. “Please have a seat.” She motioned toward the velvet chair, the only chair in the room. With his hesitation she elaborated more “I prefer to sit on the floor for these kinds of things.” 

Tim slid across the fuzzy red fabric, noticing the residual heat contaminating the cushions. “Do I pay now, or later?” 

“Later. Depending on what happens, I will charge accordingly.” The woman spoke clearly but it unsettled Tim. What could happen?

The woman slammed a deck of cards on to the table, as if sheer force would cleanse them alone. On the floor, she was seated at the table perfectly while Tim had to lean over his knees. “Love. You wanted a reading about love, correct?”

“Yes.” Tim replied curtly, watching as the woman nimbly bent, folded, mixed, and mashed cards that looked about ready to flake apart. All the while she was muttering under her breath. Tim could only make out his name and the word love. The performance was amazing but just as quickly as she had started, she stilled. Bringing the cards together one last time, holding them to her heart, and whispering a prayer into the center before gently placing them in the middle of the table. With a piercing gaze, she gave her next instructions. “Cut it.”

Tim reached for the stack, with a shaking hand and perspirant fingers. Touching the cards felt like a bad omen but he willed himself to do it anyways. At first they stuck together, turned to brick by magic as if asking him if he was sure. Then a sudden tremble separated the cards in his grip from the ones on the table. The woman swiped the bottom stack and made quick work. It started with two cards crossed in the middle, four others dotted the outside, and the last four went straight up the right. Tim couldn't make any sense of it. The words were foreign and the images elaborate. His eyes drew to the only things he understood, like the words Lover on the first card and Death on the last. Tim snatched it. “No, no, no.” He laughed nervously, studying the image further. Sure enough, there was the reaper with his weapon at the ready. 

The woman quickly slapped the card out of his hand. “Don’t touch that.” She scolded “You don’t know the meaning of death.”

The words were shattered glass in his heart. Did he not know? With the passing of his parents and Nan. “Death is the end.” He started, staring at the woman, a stubborn temper bubbling to the surface at her assumption. “It is not a choice because there is no way to prepare for it. It’s not worth packing a bag because all you can take is your sorrow. It’s the last moment when you realize all of your mistakes but you take one more breath knowing you can never fix them.” Tim’s intensity rose with each phrase but as he watched the woman's reaction he notice regret tracing her features and understanding lighting her eyes. Tim began to frantically scoop the cards together from his reading. “I need…” He trailed off as he struggled to get the cards to come together as nicely as she had. Instead the frayed edges clung to each other causing bends at the surface; distorting the images and warping their rectangular shape. Cold hands grasped his, freezing him in his frenzy. The tarot cards that had seemed ominous were now diminished to nothing but crumpled cardstock. “I need another reading.” Tim finally stated to completion but the woman did not move.

From her position she was looking up at him, shaking her head slowly. “No.” she refused, now carefully plucking cards from his grasp, Smoothing them out into a pile in an attempt to save them.

“I need a different reading.” Tim demanded

“You need to leave.” The woman refused him again, standing and taking his arm to guide him to the door. He didn’t struggle, he wasn’t known as a forceful man. Plus his Nan had always told him to respect the wishes of a woman. 

“I am paying for 2 hours! Just give me a new reading! I need to know if Angie and I are meant to be!” He shouted now, as he was being ushered to the door. It seemed to have worked this time as the woman paused, one hand on him, one hand on the door handle. 

“Fine, Timmy. You want a reading? Here's one for you.” She sighed as if preparing to unload something big. “You don’t need to prove your worth through money or popularity. So why not be yourself. Just let people love you.” With that, she swung open the door and forced him out. Before his feet could touch the cement, he heard the latch of the door bolting shut. But he didn't want to go back inside now. Instead her words rang in his head “Just let people love you.” Tim reached for the bracelet on his wrist, twirling it and searching for the beaded pearl but it was gone. It had been Nan’s. She wore it on a ring but Tim had it removed and pitted and strung. He hadn't taken it off for 11 years now always wanting her near to him. Had she used it to reach out from the other side? Maybe she had always been peering over his shoulder. “Okay. I hear you.” He said “I hear you.”