A MEAL FOR THE HEART A MEAL FOR THE TRUTH

One year ago, I was set free from prison and returned to Harbor Bay to seek forgiveness for what I did. That didn't turn out well. Forgiveness was the last thing these people wanted to give me.

I was almost killed by the brother of my late friend Willow. I wanted to kill myself because I couldn't stand the pain and the hatred. My mother stopped me.

My mother told me her forgiveness was her love and protection for me. She was the person I always needed. She also told me I need to learn how to forgive myself.

We left Harbor Bay never to return again. We traveled many miles to the town of Wind cove village.

I've been struggling a lot over the past year. Nightmares have come and gone. Coping with the deaths of my two best friends has been an on-going struggle.

The anniversary of the accident is coming up. Eight years and the pain only gets worse. Talking about what I did is painful.

I talk to my mom about it all the time. Now I'm talking to a therapist about my guilt, about forgiven myself and my attempted suicide.

I've opened up a lot the her. It feels good to let it all out. My therapist Dr. Megan tells me over and over again I need to find peace and the only way I can find peace is to let the people of Harbor Bay go and learn to set all the pain free.

I told my mother this and she said "Dr. Megan is right. If the people of Harbor Bay want to live in the darkness let them."

Both my mother and Dr. Megan are right. I'm happy living in Wind cove village. I met many new people. I also found a passion for cooking.

Me and my mother cook together every day. We even have our own vegetable garden. We sell our vegetables at the local farmer's market.

I'm also taking cooking classes at the local community school. Wind cove village is the type of community that always has your back.

Me and my mom were the new people and the whole community took us under their wing. They taught us how to make a vegetable garden and where to sell them. They also taught us how to love one another.

I've come to love Wind cove village and my love for cooking has taken me out of the bad place I was in.

One of the people I met is a guy named Blake. I was so nervous to be around him. I didn't know how to talk to him.

I spent seven years in prison, alone all by myself. I talked to no one. It was just me, myself and I. How am I supposed to talk to Blake?

I always ran away from talking to boys. Even before the accident, I was extremely shy. Willow and Amalia weren't. They were boy magnets. They always encouraged me to be like them.

They taught me how to talk to boys. Sometimes I never felt beautiful around them. Oh God! more memories are popping up in my head with that the tears start to fall.

I remember that night so vividly. Me, Willow and Amalia were at a party. We were dancing and having fun when the boy I had a crush on came to the party. I was so nervous to talk to him. Willow and Amalia encouraged me to go talk to him.

What did I do instead? I went and drank. I needed liquid courage. I drank way too much and ultimately did the unthinkable. I will blame myself every day for the rest of my life for killing my friends.

If I hadn't drank that night. If I had the courage to talk to my crush, Willow and Amalia would be alive. That's the reason why I can't talk to Blake. I can't be anywhere near him.

I caused too much pain. I don't want to cause any more pain. I blaming myself for things I haven't done. Maybe it's not blame but guilt. Either way I can't be anywhere near Blake.

I go to my happy place, the kitchen. I cook whenever I need to forget about my life. Cooking releases all the negative thoughts I have.

My favorite food to cook is pasta. You can do anything with pasta. I also love to sing and dace when I'm cooking.

I'm cooking, dancing and singing when I feel someone touching me. I jump. I turn around and see my mom. My mom gives me this look when she knows something is wrong.

I face my mom. I tell her "I'm fine mom. Honestly, I am."

I know my mom doesn't believe me. But I need her to know I can handle this. I need to know if I can handle this myself.

I get back to cooking, dancing and singing. This is so freeing. The smell of the food. The movement of my body. It makes me forget about what's coming up.

"By the way Blake has been asking about you." My mother tells me.

My face goes pale. I stop whatever I'm doing and face my mother. "I knew something was bothering you."

I can't be near Blake. I will only hurt him." I turn back and finish cooking.

"You are doing it again. You are getting into your head believing you are not worthy to be happy and not worthy to be forgiven. Blake and these people are not like the people of Harbor Bay and you know that."

It's not easy to see past what I did but it's like what Dr. Megan said I need to find peace considering tomorrow is the anniversary of the accident.

I whisper to my mom "Tomorrow is eight years."

She tells me "We will get through it together. Tomorrow will be like any other day."

My mom is right. I'm happy here. I do need to get past what's in my head. We finish cooking together. Me and my mom sit down and eat. We talk about everything and anything.

I'm taking my mother's advice. Today is going to be like any other normal day. I do want to pay my respects to Willow and Amalia. Me and my mom built a memorial in our back yard to honor their memories.

I got up early took a shower and got dress. Me and my mom ate breakfast together. Now the two of us are standing in front of the memorial. I say a prayer for Willow and Amalia. I tell them I love them.

I feel happy I paid my respects to Willow and Amalia. Me and my mom are heading to the farmer's market to sell our vegetables.

I got the vegetables in my hand. Me and my mom walk out of the house and get into the car. My mom starts the car and drives off to the farmer's market. We wave to our neighbors. They are good people.

I look out the window, the breeze blowing in my face, the smell of the ocean and there is Blake with his mouth-watering smile waving at me.

I dick out of view. I see my mom shaking her head in disappointment. We arrive at the farmer's market. My mom parks in the usual spot. I get out of the car and grab the vegetables. We walk to our stall.

I begin setting up. I see my mom watching me. I know what she's thinking. But this is the best way. I need to focus on getting myself better,

My mom begins to put the vegetables on the table. I help her. My mom doesn't say a word to me. Her look says it all.

Customers begin to come to our table. Blake is one of them. I stand behind my mom. She moves away. I move away too.

I help other customers while my mom helps Blake. I begin taking to a nice lady named Carol. She makes me laugh at her crazy jokes. Carol pays for vegetables. She says one more joke than leaves. I wave bye to her.

I see my mom coming to me and she is angry. She pulls me aside and tells me "We are turning over a new page in our lives. We should make the most of it. You especially. Be brave and take a chance."

I look at Blake picking pumpkins. I wonder if he can handle the truth of what I did. I ask my mom "You think if I tell Blake the truth, he will still be my friend."

My mom grabs my hand and tells me "Give him a chance. He might surprise you."

I nod. I walk over to Blake and I ask him if he wants to come over for dinner. Blake happily accepts.

My mom looks at me and smiles. I walk to my mom and hug her. I tell her "I'm walking home. I need to clear my head."

My mom always has good instincts. So, if she believes Blake can be trusted, I believe her.

I go every word I'm going to say to Blake. The truth is hard but this is what I need to do if I want to have peace in my life.

The walk home was good. Now I begin to prepare dinner. I'm making my favorite food, lasagna. I take out all the ingredients and begin preparing the lasagna.

Half an hour later I take out the lasagna out of the oven. Perfect, I let the lasagna cool off. Next, I put the garlic bread in the oven. Lastly, I make the salad.

I check the time. Blake will be here soon. I take the garlic bread out of the oven and set it next to the lasagna. I begin setting the table.

The bell is ringing. That must be Blake. I straighten my clothes and take three deep breaths in and out. I'm ready.

I open the door. Blake is standing there with flowers in his hand. I say hi to him. He hands me the flowers, yellow roses.

Me and Blake walk together to the dinning room. I tell him I made lasagna. He smiles at me. "My favorite." I hand Blake the knife and ask him to cut the lasagna.

Blake hands me a piece and gives himself one. We sit down and begin to eat. Now here comes the hard part, my truth. I tell Blake "I need to talk to you about something important." He nods. I begin to tell Blake my truth.