Sensitive Subject: Cheating, Divorce, Near Death
Friday, January 1st, 1982
Happy New Year, Mrs. Chrissy Ramsey-Hopkins, newlywed (yay, eye roll), New Yorker (blah) and I’m still trying to get used to it all.
Well, here I am a 30-year-old married woman sitting in the middle of the bed with her legs crossed, writing in her diary like a teenager, how pathetic.
It’s been nearly seven months since Robert and I said “I do” in Santorini, Greece. Robert and I met our senior year in college, and 6 years later here we are as husband and wife. I am happy about the experience of being a wife I guess, but my family is over the hill in love with him. He is very successful, very humble, and pretty funny. We may have a bright future ahead of us only time will tell.
Sunday, January 3rd, 1982
They say, “You never know a good thing until it's gone.”
Boy, do I know a thing or two about this statement. Words have power but in this case, these words hold true to how I truly feel.
Exciting News, Robert and I are planning a trip to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico in March with a few of our friends. I hope Kenny doesn’t bring his wild twenty-year-old girlfriend Rebecca. I mean it's cool if you want to date someone ten years younger, however, make sure she's mature and can hold an adult conversation.
Not your business Chrissy!
Moving on again........
I want to lose 15 pounds before we go so I can at the very least wear a one-piece bathing suit and not look how I feel...Awful in every sense of the word.
Anyhow, Life is good.
Keeping the Peace
Friday, January 8th, 1982
I know it's been a few days since I last journaled; I have been extremely busy trying to get used to my new living arrangements in New York which is totally different than Philadelphia, I miss home. I am also getting in tune with my role as a wife, maid, doctor, stripper, lawyer, counselor, chef, and seamstress, I didn't realize I had to play so many parts in my new position.
I’m a bit exhausted and a little down in my spirit. I just received word that my ex-boyfriend Marlon Ellis is in critical condition after suffering a heart attack. I wish I could go see him, but I’m sure his wife Stacey would not like that at all and besides, I’m married now so it's really none of my business, right?
I’ll just say a prayer and wish for the best.
A Heart for Love
Saturday, January 9th, 1982
It's so hard for me to write because I have been crying all day. I received an update on Marlon’s health and it's not looking too good for him. It's so unbelievable because he is only 32 years old. I have been trying to hide my tears from my husband I don’t want him to know that I’m crying over my ex-boyfriend, well, not over him but his condition. I really just want to go see him so that I can be at peace with it all.
But again, I will keep my distance and remain in my place.
Gosh, this really hurts!
Sunday, January 10th, 1982
Ok, I made up my mind, I'm calling Marlon’s wife today. I've been practicing how to approach the situation when I call and I don’t see anything wrong with checking on my sick friend. I will call with a very concerned and peaceful voice and say “Hello Stacey, how are you? I heard about Marlon and just wanted to know if you needed me to do anything? I am here for both of you.”
Nope, I better not, that lady is going to blow flames through the phone and I really can’t blame her.
I realize that I rubbed her the wrong way when Marlon and I slept together the night before their wedding, but I apologized and told her it was a mistake. I mean gee whiz; he still married her so what's the problem. Am I wrong? I don’t know, but I want to check on my friend, that’s all!
Monday, January 11th, 1982
Today I have been thinking about Marlon nonstop and no matter what I did I couldn’t get my mind off of him. What's crazy is I wasn't thinking of him in a compassionate “I hope you get better” kind of way; it was more like an “I can’t wait to be with you” kind of feeling. Weird I know, besides, he may not even make it out of the hospital and we are both married so there is no way we could be together.
My husband and I had a date night this evening at a very romantic restaurant called Brasserie by Niche. The night was absolutely fabulous, with delicious wine and food, beautiful conversation, and the perfect atmosphere.
However, all I kept thinking about was the time Marlon and I had a French-themed picnic in the park. It was the most amazing time as we laughed and talked while planning our future together. Marlon was easy to talk to, he didn’t require much and all he talked about was how the world needed more love. He was such an amazing boyfriend and an even better friend.
But again, these are only passive feelings. I am simply reminiscing on how kind Marlon is as a person not because I’m still in love with him, no way!
Friday, January 15th, 1982
So much has happened over these past couple of days. I finally told my husband about Marlon’s condition and of course he said exactly what I thought he would say “Pray for him, he has a wife and I’m sure she’s taking great care of him, stay out of their business.”
You know what, he’s right. Why should I continue to be worried, I’m not with him, he’s Stacey’s responsibility.
Ok, let me be honest, I tried my best to stay out of it, but then something just came over me and I had to do it! I called Marlon’s wife.
I dialed the number, it rang, she picked up, I said “Hello Stacey, it's Chrissy” and click, she hung up. So, I sat down feeling sorry for myself knowing I had made a terrible decision but what could I do about it now.
Gosh, I am even more anxious than before, now what?
Please don’t leave a message at the beep, beeeeep!
Saturday, January 16th, 1982
Last night I had a very vivid dream about Marlon. He was asking me to come to visit him so that I could “fix his heart.” So, I grabbed my purse and hopped on a plane to Philidelphia where we are both from. I rushed to the hospital as soon as I landed. Upon entering Marlon's room the doctors informed me that his wife had left him and I was now in charge of all the decisions. Then I woke up. What does all this mean? Does Marlon need to hear my voice?
In My Dreams
Thursday, January 21st, 1982
For some strange reason, my husband has been questioning my past relationship with Marlon. The other day he asked me how long we dated, then asked if I was fully over him. However, his most recent question threw me for a loop, he asked me if Marlon and I continued to sleep together after we had called it quits. It's really weird that he feels the need to ask me these things even though Marlon is in critical condition, I’m puzzled.
I answered the questions but I definitely bent the truth. Some things you have to keep personal, right?
Friday, January 22nd, 1982
A close friend of Marlon and I called to inform me that Marlon is now in stable condition. He mentioned that Marlon whispered my name to him but he didn’t want to respond because Marlon's wife was in the room.
Wow! Maybe my dream was true, Marlon really does want me to come and visit him.
I am so happy he is stable!
Thank you, GOD!
Dream Come True
Saturday, January 23rd, 1982
I did something bad today, I called the hospital pretending to be Marlon’s sister. I was so nervous when the receptionist answered the phone that I blurted out the first thing that came to mind when she asked how was I related to him. The funny thing about it is, Marlon doesn’t have any sisters. So, “Ms. perfect receptionist lady decided to do her job correctly today by asking me a million questions, then she had the nerve to call Marlon's wife so that they both could make a fool out of me together. I just hung up, another failed mission.
Saturday, February 30th, 1982
Bad news, Marlon's status is back to critical condition. His friend said that the doctor referred to his condition as a “broken heart.” Now of course he was speaking in the term that his heart isn't functioning to full capacity, but I took it as a “broken heart” from our break-up.
The doctors said that if he doesn’t receive a heart donor within the next couple of weeks, they will have to pull the plug.
Oh, the tears I have running down my face as I write this. I need to see my friend, this is terrible!
True Broken Heart
Monday, February 1st, 1982
Ok, it's now time that I am honest and straight to the point. I am in Love with Marlon. I always have been and always will be. We had a bond that was unbreakable, we were great friends, and lovers, we protected one another and were simply the perfect match.
The only reason we broke up is that we allowed people to brainwash us into believing that we were too young to be in love. They would say, we had our whole lives ahead of us or there are so many people in the world, you never know who you might bump into and we took their advice.
Well, now look at us, both married to people that we settled for, no true love just companions.
This is sad, and on top of all of this, my best friend is dying and I can’t express to him how I feel. When I had time to say something, I allowed fear to get in the way. Now time is running out and there is even more standing in my way!
A week before I got married, Marlon called me and poured out his heart. He told me that when we broke up, it really hurt his heart and he didn’t feel like he would ever be able to mend it. He said that he loved his wife but he knew the day of his wedding that he was still in love with me but he married her anyway. I was stunned by his words and all I could do was cry and apologize to him because I had made the decision to move on with my life.
As we were hanging up the phone, Marlon whispered “You’re breaking my heart.” and I hung up.
I now wish I had listened to my gut and screamed at the top of my lungs, “I Love you more.”
So, when I was told that he had a heart attack, I felt horrible because I know the real reason his “heart is broken,” ME.
I love my husband as a friend, not a lover, but my love for Marlon is everything Love could ever be plus more.
This felt great to get it off of my chest.
Monday, February 8th, 1982
My husband and I have been fighting so much lately it’s a mess around here. I think we need some time apart for a while. I plan on going back to my hometown in Philidelphia for about a week and maybe this will help put us back on the right track.
I’m also excited to go in order to be closer to Marlon, maybe I will get a chance to see him.
Midnight plane to Phili
Thursday, February 11th, 1982
I made it back to Philidelphia, I am so happy to be home! Hopefully, this time away from Robert will bring us closer together and I will grow stronger feelings for him. Honestly, I don’t think I really want to have strong feelings for Robert, I think I’m over him. Sad.
I talked with Marlon's brother and they are remaining hopeful that Marlon will receive a heart donor. I am also hopeful that I will get to see him soon.
I have the urge to just show up at the hospital and take the chance of running into Marlon's wife. The worst that would happen is me getting kicked out of the hospital. I think I’ll take the chance; it would be worth the risk.
Nope don’t do it, Chrissy!
Saturday, February 13th, 1982
It’s the day before Valentine's and the doctors have decided that there isn't anything else they can do for Marlon. They are suggesting that everyone come up to the hospital to say their last goodbye before they take him off the ventilator. I am a complete wreck right now; this has to be the worst day of my life. I need to see him and express how much I love him. At this point, I don’t care who's there, I have to talk to him.
For so long we allowed people to stand in the way of a love that was truly made in heaven. But not anymore, today, I am going to see the love of my life even if it causes me the greatest embarrassment of my life, I don’t care!
Marlon, here I come!
Girl Go Get Your Man
Sunday, February 14th, 1982
The most amazing thing happened last night at 11:59 pm. I went to the hospital and Marlon's wife had just left. As I was entering his room at approximately 11:45 pm, the doctors allowed me to come in and say my last goodbye. I poured out to Marlon and apologized for not telling him how I felt sooner. I expressed my true feelings to him as I caressed his face and kissed his hand. I then took a deep breath and said goodbye, for now, we will meet again, and then we will be together forever. +
As I turned to walk away, there was a loud beeping noise that echoed throughout the room. The doctors ran into the room and looked over Marlon’s vitals only to find that he was breathing on his own. This is a true miracle explained one doctor. Marlon’s heart had begun to mend itself and function in its normal range. By 12:05 am on Valentine's Day, the doctors were able fully to commit to saying that Marlon would live and that he was now in the mode of healing.
This is a miracle!
Thursday, November 25th, 1982
Hello, it's me Chrissy Ramsey-Ellis, yes, my last name has changed to the one I always wanted! I am so excited; words could never explain it!
When we last talked, I had bogarted my way into the hospital to see Marlon as the doctors were basically pronouncing him dead. Well, prayers work and mine were answered. Marlon is alive and very well might I add!
Once he was able to get out of the hospital, he made the decision to call it quits with Stacey and I did the same with Robert. This second time around, Marlon and I did not waste any time or worry about what others might say or think, we got married immediately!!
I am extremely excited to be with the person I know I was meant to be with and Marlon feels the same.
So today on Thanksgiving, we have so much to be grateful for and we have made it our daily routine to live life to the fullest and not worry about naysayers!
As for Marlon's heart condition, it turns out it really was simply a “broken heart,” but I managed to fix it!