Road to Nowhere.

[Author’s note: While the historical context of this story is real, all named characters are fictional]

This was not anyone’s idea of fighting a war.

They were once a proud part of the Los Angeles Mounted Rifles. The militia from a city full of rogue former Mexicans, Southern immigrant farmers, and outlaws. No wonder they tried to leave the Union, and the state of California almost had its own civil war because of it. But turns out wars on the frontier weren’t like what you see in stories. For two months, this city was on its own with everyone from the Sheriff to the city’s lone newspaper was all clamoring for succession until Federals came to guard the armory. There was no showdown or gunfight in the streets, the blue coats and the militiamen simply stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. Eventually, everyone just went about their business and ignored the proverbial elephant in the room.

Now James and his sons were the ones getting ready to go. They were not fleeing as they even put off their journey, thinking the whole time the war would be over by the time they got as far as Texas. But now harvest was in, and the farm was left in good hands while the war seemed to drag on. James and his wife Sarah did not know what the Federals intended to do in town, and they were torn between going to war and defending this farm. James did not like the thought of that, waiting for something to happen while his friends in town simply threw around fighting words and pretended to be enraged about Federal actions.

All that was why James was now finally packing a saddle bag. He did not want to think of what he might forget to bring, as that weight would hurt on the long road. They were only taking necessities and what little money they had. Sarah had been worried they may run into Yavapai Indians when they passed through Apache lands or run into Federal patrols. James did not know what they would tell them, but they would tell them anything but their true purpose and travel incognito. This could make buying supplies difficult but the road to Texas was empty.

Now James was out in his field testing his rifle and his aim. James had neither the time nor the money for bullets to get good at marksmanship, but still he was angry with himself that he did nothing to practice during the long summer had he could not even be sure this gun worked correctly. He fired repeatedly and it appeared that either his aim or his sights pointed to the right of the target but there was no way to fix this before leaving.

James was later down the road making arrangements with his neighbor about managing the farm. James did not want to think of the long goodbyes and the exact moment he left his wife and wondered if he and his two sons should simply sneak away when others were not looking. James thought of how much time all this was taking when the war may end before he reached it.

On the way home, James went over his travel plans where he and his two sons would take the best horses and rifles and ride in a straight path across the desert all the way to Mississippi where his brother lived. James cared nothing for his brother, but both were Successionists and James reckoned that he would enlist in whatever regiment his brother was in.

When he got back, he found that a bull had got loose and had to rein it back in. By the time that was done, they were losing daylight and the rest had to be put off until morning. James did not want to go to bed, he wanted the matter to be settled. He got into bed, lay there dozing, and believed he fell asleep. He moved around feeling the dirt move under the blanket beneath him.

James suddenly came to his senses and looked over to his son on the other side of a dead campfire. For a half second James wondered how much of what just happened was a dream, then he realized all of what he dreamed of happened weeks ago and James and his sons were already in Texas. The long day spent in limbo before his dramatic adventure was long past.

James had many different versions of this same terrible dream. In all of them, he was called away to fight in some emergency but was stuck dealing with mundane things before the adventure could begin. The dream simply went on like that until he woke up. James never had nightmares, but this dream was worse than a scary dream as he knew it was true. James had gone out west seeking to conquer the wilderness and be his own master but ended up as a farmer again anyway. James joined the militia in every town he lived in thinking he would defend, only for nothing to ever happen to James or anyone he knew.

James wondered if the next iteration of his dream would be him waiting in camp for orders or arguing with his brother again about some small matter as they usually did. James also did not know if the Mississippi state militia would even take them since they were not from that state, but James did not share that worry with anyone as his wife and sons might suggest a different plan. Sometimes James thought he and his sons should just skip the middlemen and fight their own little war without telling bosses nothing just so James would not have to deal with other people. Of course, James knew that would likely either go nowhere or simply be suicide.

James adjusted his position under the blanket and tried to get back to sleep but saw the gray of the dawn starting and realized he wouldn’t fall asleep again before he had to get up. James was just too tired both from the road and from boredom to do anything more than lie there and ponder.

James always wanted to have an adventure like one sees in stories but never saw any of that in all his travels. For a long time, James sought after what separated the people who had adventures from the people who lived boring lives like James, but only on that day when he spent an eternity staring at Federal soldiers that he understood. The secret to finding adventure was that there is no secret, some people are just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

James now kept his eyes half open as there was too much light and warmth to pretend to be asleep anymore. James dreaded that his whole life would be what it had been so far: Nothing but farm work and long deserted roads leading to nowhere.

James heard his son Emmet move around and rise to wake his brother John. James was facing the other way and did not move knowing they’d assume he was still asleep. But soon John came over to try and wake him to offer breakfast and James took a deep breath in to maintain the illusion he had just woken up. James rolled over a sat up to eat. Soon they were back up and back to packing, but a swift packing not worrying about the order of things. Within a quarter of an hour after getting up they were back on their horses and meandering down the road. Still a long way to go as Texas was big and they had to cross the whole breadth of it.

They were now leaving the dangers of Comanche and Apache country and entering the dangers of the Confederate nation at war. They had heard nothing of the war on the lonely road and James and his sons could not say whether any of the cities in Texas and beyond were still free of the Union until they got there. James feared more to arrive at Dallas and learn the war had been settled already, but he also feared he was joining a phony war with armies engaging in meaningless drills while men in pretentious offices argued in circles.

James knew he would regret leaving his wife behind with her parents in California. They would have all been better off if he had stayed and let other states solve their own problems. That was a sentiment that James never spoke of to anyone, as James was at a loss to explain why he really was on this road to fight in this war.