A day I Start Smoking

Until that day, I follow my own footsteps without realizing that I just follow my gut this whole year. I just like coldness. I hate the heat, even it took me five minutes before I ride my bike. "Knock, knock." "I'm taking a bath, thank you." Somehow I used to naked all the time in my room. It makes me calm which turn into an addiction. I avoid many people, but some guys confused while looking at my body. It looks like some cool guys that spent time in gym class and took scholarship from it since their grades are scum. "Who are you?" "Lorraine. We have met before in middle school." I don't have any memories back at that place. Maybe just follow the rules and cooling off without any exposures. "I don't know. How can you still recognize me?" "Haha. You're funny, three years not enough to change somebody." "Maybe." I still wearing my towel which is nothing shame for me. Often doing this since I was 14. "You wanna come in?" "Sure." "She lick her own lips, signs that she have some hots for me. I'm not a type of guy that have certain personality, I just try to be myself but somehow keep changin. She sit on my old sofa, like a sofa from barbershop. She enjoys it, maybe have some fetish to a tickleness. "I know what you think." She said it calmly. Sound that calm my heart from top to the bottom. I sit next besides her. Not prepare any kind of drink. This is my own culture. Taking some newspaper just to distract situation. "Berdie, isn't it?" "How do you-?" "Same old Berd. Asking stupid question." Well I don't really care about intellegence rate. It's dumbest think people carry on about. When it's high make them arrogant, when it's down make them shamed. What a sad thing is it? "What are you doing?" Lorraine bring some cattle and there are tea inside. It's already cold so we drink it from the same cattle. Thank God she has same freedom habit I have. Unhygiene, dirty, and honest. I read the letter from up to down, and up again. But sometimes something hold me back. It seems some words I read incorrectly. Or I thought something innapropiate with my desire. Happening since I was 13 and getting worser now. "Don't look at me like that." Lorraine just look down. I know it's sad a little. I mean who wants to be with unnormal people. I'd like to think realistically. Of course no one will want to be suffer with a person if he's not want it himself or herself. It's just dumb luck or something else. "Let's get outside." That's unique thing about me. I used to made decision that maybe look like I made it without hesitation. But in the end there will be some doubt hold me back to insanity; Eternal Insanity!

It's full of snow while that time. I open up the umbrella for nothing. Gladly Lorranie didn't protest about it. She used to be different back then. I start full of hatred. Not because of her or situation, but plain everything. There must be some word triggering something in my mind. "What's the matter, Berd?" "Nothing. Let's get some ice cream and movie." Two things that like a heaven for me. Nothing less than that. But of course nothing can heal nothing. "Lorraine?" "Yes sir?" "I have no money." I used to pretend to have nothing just to test a girl if they can buy me something. We watch an outdoor theater. Somehow there is some free soda and ice cream. Wonder who's that cocky present those to us. We all know people around here will just doing some kind things with some reason behind it. "What do you choose?" "Strawberry, as usual." Lorraine didn't laugh. Once again, we share same attitude. "How about you?" "Same." Nothing really special happen here. Just a couple that just sitting beside each other, with same boring personality. Maybe no one will believe this kind of thing. But it's not normal to admit it. "So what you majoring at?" What a common question. Not scared of those. "History." I answered it calmly, but we know each other since I know her subject as well,so I don't ask either. "Let me guess, this is your third time escaping from school." "How do you know that?" "Besides, I doing it now." Now we look stupid, asking questions we already know the answer. We don't care about these people around watching movie with random list. In Belgrum city, everyone is soliter person. So no wonder no one scared of horror movie. Even they all fall asleep. She smell as good as me. Proving she's not going out with random guys. Common thing happen, unshocking event for me now. There are a boy and girl as well. From their size, I can tell they are still around 13. I can make sure it's not more than that. The boy touch the girl's thighs. The girl not responding. I know something happen down there. We don't know we should jealous of them either about unspecific comparison. I see they both have some smoke coming out from their mouth. Lorraine look at me. Her eyes said, "Maybe we should have done the same thing." I respond back with my eyes, "You mean we should get on with it." She blink her eyes, as an answer "yes". But it's not happen that quick. Some journal from newspaper about health isn't that complex either. Our mind just make it out of control. Both of unnamed kid feel something confusing behind them. "What's wrong with you grandma-pa?" "Nothing." We both answering at the same time. Those little brats laughing intensifies. "HAHAHAHA!" Some people watching the screen turn out watching a real scene. Between adult men and women versus children. "You gonna regret this, little skunk." "Lorraine, which side are you anyway?" She's laughing but for sure it just spontaneous reaction. We all get back to the streets, pulling her hands back, walking fast like being catched by someone. Getting to my 515 apartment. Inside, we taking a bath together rushly. "Whose fault is this!" "Hey you're asking or just blowing out!" "SAME WITH YOU!" "Yeah we both same, you came here first!" We fight uncontrollable." I'm the first one outrageous. But the hash-horse quarelling started like a smoke bomb. "Here it is." "What here it is?" Calming down and start thinking about bad habit. "A dumb habit, eh...." "Whaddaya say?" Lorraine's accent start getting drunked. I know what she mean. "Let's get back to there." "You silly little girl." "This time we buy those lucki streeke whatever the name is." "Don't blame me then." "I DON'T BLAME YOU!!!!" Very unsure reaction with words. I get out and walking faster than her. She's not afraid of being left behind. "So where is-" "STEAL FROM HIM!" "Alright, fine then." From far away infront of us, there are two of them. "Hey, you gotcha!" Now we're like a robber couple. Very disrespectful. Getting blown out this day, tired of writting this. Lorraine starts try to smoke from it. "Shhhhh." "What are you laughing at?!" Lorraine scolded the boy and girl again. I know what they meant. uhh outta way out this pricked. Wrong way, but punched those different gender in a fair way. Knocked out!!!!!

Next day we wake up from our sleep. "Ready go again?" "Sure."