Having it both Waze

Having it both Waze

I know exactly when it happened because it was out of the ordinary. I was using the Waze app while alone in the car for a route which I knew, so I didn't really need it, but just wanted to be aware of my arrival time as I had an appointment to keep. And I do like the voice that I have on my Waze app; it is a woman with a nice English accent. She is calm, precise., and pleasing to the ear, almost soothing.

I have to admit that on that day I was in a pretty foul mood. Waze was telling me where to make the turns as usual, and I remember thinking that I should turn down the volume because I knew the route anyway. I don't know what it was, but something, a random thought maybe, set me off. Whatever it was resulted in my suddenly swearing out loud. I really cursed and thank goodness no one was with me in the car, or so I thought, as right then I was convinced I heard someone say “language, language”. And the voice was exactly like that woman's voice from my Waze app. But it surely couldn’t have been Waze – it’s an app, it doesn’t think, I mean except to react to changes in the route. I was really spooked at the time, but I guess I convinced myself that I was somehow hearing things that weren’t there.

I didn't think much more about it until a month later when I used Waze for a trip to a doctor I had not seen before. I was running late so I was a little stressed and could see from Waze that I wouldn't make it on time. “In half a mile, turn left”, Waze said in that calm voice. But I missed the turn. I am not sure how, because Waze even said “turn left” right before the intersection, but somehow I missed it. Then: “I said turn left, you idiot”. What? There was that Waze voice again, and this time there was no mistaking it. I couldn't believe my ears. I was shocked, and flustered, but still managed to blurt out “Sorry I just missed it”. Then came the familiar tone indicating that Waze was recalibrating the route. Then ‘she’ says “in a quarter of a mile, turn right, then turn right.” But there was more. Suddenly ‘she’ added “and this time, don't mess it up”. I was so freaked out that I didn't, couldn’t ,respond. Turns out I didn't need to. She continued in a more conciliatory tone, “You are too stressed, you know. You have to learn to calm down. Take a few deep breaths”. Unbelievably, I said nothing, and inexplicably found myself doing exactly as she commanded. I soon felt a bit better and was then emboldened enough to ask, “Who are you anyway?” “Waze, you dummy”, came the instant and curt reply, “Keep breathing”. The last few turns came very quickly, I followed her instructions to the letter and it turned out I was barely late for my appointment after all. I used Waze again on the way home, but nothing out of the ordinary occurred.

I was floored. This couldn't be happening. But I knew it was true. I’d had a short conversation with a phone app! And ‘she’ had actually calmed me down. I wanted to tell someone, but who would believe me? I tried telling my wife but she just laughed at me and every time we were together in the car and used Waze, it just worked normally. I soon realized that it only happened when I was on my own. And even then it didn't happen every time. Somehow it seemed that ‘she’ would only talk to me when I was in some kind of heightened emotional state. I even started taking special trips just to talk to her, although it didn't always work. The next time I cursed in the car, Waze severely reprimanded me. “What kind of example are you setting your children if you use that language?” ‘she’ said. Another time I was complaining about something and ‘she’ told me bluntly, “You are depressed, you need help”. Like before, I listened, I did make an appointment, and I got treatment. On another occasion I got a phone call from my office while I was driving. It was bad news - a customer had reneged on a deal, and it made me really angry. That was the only time ‘she’ got mad at me. ‘She’ was not shouting mad but in that calm voice she told me in no uncertain terms that I must take an anger management course. I am usually pretty combative, but there was a strange quality about that voice which I couldn’t resist. I never argued, I never talked back, I just felt compelled to do exactly what ‘she’ said. So I did indeed find and start an anger management course. But more than that, ‘she’ would subsequently check in with me, and make sure that I kept to that course and continued the treatment for depression.

All this took place over a period of perhaps three or four months. And because of ‘her’, I not only got treatment for the depression I didn’t realize I was suffering from, took that anger management course, but also even started yoga classes. But then, one day it all just stopped. No matter where I went or how often I tried, I could not get ‘her’ to speak to me. I was frustrated; I missed that calm and measured voice, even the ‘orders’ she gave me. But in time, it dawned on me that since Waze had started talking to me, I had gradually changed. I was calmer, less prone to anger, and I was more at peace. Even my depression symptoms had subsided. Somehow, in short, I'd become a better person, and all because of ‘her’. Maybe ‘she’ simply realized that her job was done because ‘she’ never talked to me again, even when I missed a turn.

Colin Lauder

August 2025