Say What

Dialogue

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

“Grr. Damn it. What? What's wrong? Why are you swearing?”

“. . . .”

“Take a deep breath and tell me why you're swearing.”

“Water. All over the floor. Everywhere. Burst pipe. I don't know what the hell to do . . . Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

“No, wait. Swearing isn't going to help anything. There was a thing they gave us when we moved in to call twenty-four seven for maintanence. Where did I put that?”

“I don't know.”

“Call up the main office. See if anyone's there.”

“Okay.  . . . .No one's answering . . . I got the machine.”

“Run over to the main building and find someone who can help us. Run.”

“Okay.”

~

“He said you needed me?”

“That's the cleaning lady, you idiot. We needed maintinence. Could you call maintinence, please?”

“Yea. I can start mopping in the meantime. Hello? Yea. We got a burst pipe in house five an we need you to come over. Woo. We need your help, like, now.”

“Thank you. Did he run?”

“Yea, he ran.”

“How do we turn off this water. Ok. Go outside and pull what? I don't see it. Ok. I see that. I got it. Okay. Whoa. At least the water stopped.”

“This is all your fault.”

“Mine. Why? What'd I do?”

“The water bedeii.”

“It's a burst pipe, not the bedeii.”

“Let's see what maintanence says.”  

“Yea. Let's see what maintenance says.”

“Man. At least the water be stopped.”

“Got to work on cleaning it out.

“You got to throw some of this shit away.”

“Let's not get into that. Ok?”

“If it's wet and ruined, throw it out.”

“But, after a few days, it'll dry.”

“Yea. Dry and mold and stick. Throw this stuff out. You don't even know what half of it is anyway.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Whatever. Let's work on drying this before we get into that. Open the fucking garage door.”

“Ok.”

“At least that'll get some of the water out. You got a mop?”

“I got the whole cart with me outside.”

“Good. Let him mop it up until fucking maintenance comes.”

“He said they'll be here in ten minutes.”

“Get some towels, too. All of them.”

“Ok.”

“I'm the one who'll have to wash them in the washing machine anyway.”

“You won't let me.”

“You don't know how. Move this shit outside at least.”

“What's the forecast?”

“Who gives a shit. All your crap's already wet anyway.”

“Ok.”  

“Finally, maintenance is here.”

“Let's look. Where's it coming from?”

“The bathroom.”

“It's the bedeii. For some reason it burst.”

“I told you it was the fucking bedeii. Goddamn it. Why can't you use toilet paper like any other person?”

“It feels nicer and then my hands don't get dirty.”

“We should get rid of them. They're a pain in the ass, literally.”

“I'll have to bypass the bedeii to make the toilet work normal again until someone else can fix it. I don't know how to fix this bedeii.”

“Just get the toilet working. Idiot.  We need to throw all this wet stuff out.”

“I'll go through it. See what's salvagable.”

“I fixed it. You can't use the bedeii, but I'm going to turn the water back on and see if there are any more leaks.”

“Please God, tell me there aren't.”

“No, it looks good. Have whoever installed the bedeii come and see if they can fix it, but for right now, you're set.”  

“Thank you and both of you can go home. We'll take care of this mess.”

“We will?”

“Yes, we will.”  

“I'll be back to clean on Thursday.”

“Call if you have any more problems.”

~

“Look, this is the guy who installed it originally. He's going to tell you what's wrong.”

“Great and can you tell him to throw away the smelly shit in the garage while you're here. He won't listen to me.”

“Or me.”

“Well, I'm the expert. So, we'll need to cut a few feet from the tube your dad bought.  Get the tape measure out.”

“Why did it burst in the first place? What did my idiot boyfriend do?”

“Well, let's see. I see he had the bedeii on hot.”

“Hot? Why hot, babe?”

“To relax me.”

“Well, because it was so hot, the plastic burst.”

“My boyfriend is an idiot.”

“It's actually a very common mistake. Not hard to fix. There. Now, keep it on cool. If you want to relax, fill up the bathtub.”  

“How much is the bill?”

“Nah. Don't worry about it. You bought the tubing and it's still under warranty. I'll just take the broken stuff and throw it out.”

“Want to get some stuff in the garage, too?”

“I'll go through it. Jesus, you're a nag.”

“I clean this house every day and I have a beautiful car and I can't keep it in the garage because this is where you chose to have your man cave. Clean. At least if you have a man cave, keep it clean.”

“Then, I couldn't use it or find anything.”

“Idiot.”  

“Besides, I like to listen to 90's alternative rock while you like to listen to '80's upbeat stuff.”

“They're called headphones. They sell them at a lot of stores. Idiot.”

“I think you two can work that out. I'll turn the water back on and make sure there aren't any leaks. There aren't. Again, this is on the house. If you have any other problems, let me know.”

“And remember, only cold water.”

“Yes, Dad.”  

“Go through this shit and throw it out.”

“One thing at a time. A lot of it's salvagable.”

“Idiot.”

~

“Let's see. These were instructions from my woodcarving teacher who's passed on about how to make a cowboy. I broke three knives making that cowboy and still have the wooden cowboy, but I'm going to keep this, since it reminds me of my instructor. This is a pillow from my ex-fiance. She broke up with me because I was irresponsible with money, but I still have some love for her in my heart, so I'll keep this so I can remember her.”

“Are you going to throw anything out, you idiot? Like, this. This is trash. It's unsalvagable.”  

“No, that was a project I did in third grade. See, it had to be cymetrical and I tried to make a Jewish Star and it didn't work.”

“Third grade? This is trash. Trash. Make some new memories.”

“I will and I'll keep the stuff I make new memories from too.”

“It's trash! Idiot!”  

"No, not trash. Memories. Memories."

"It's wet and moldy memories."

"But they're my memories"