Coming Home

The Christmas lights were still in the window. They were switched off and sagged under three months of accumulated dust. There was something cold about that, Kelly thought, as the Paramedic wheeled her to the gate. It had cast her house in an uncanny gloom, like it had been abandoned and left to time.

Which, she had realized, it had. She could remember the last

time she had been in the house, although it had been somewhat chaotic. There were flashes of her nephews running around trying to grab as many items as they could to take with her, hairbrushes, night clothes, toothbrush. Nathan, her older brother, stood at the window, the Christmas lights had been blinking in time to his fraught words,

“She can’t breathe properly!”

  There had been so many faces, lots of people dressed head to toe in green who had said things like ‘Can you hear me, Kelly?’ and ‘we just need to put this in your arm, you’ll feel a sharp scratch.’

 She thought she could remember Nathan hurriedly lock her door as she was wheeled into the ambulance and follow her but the nurses had been emphatic in her misremembrance . Nobody had followed her; nobody was allowed to follow her. That had been the standard throughout her stay in hospital. The nurses would appear at the foot of her bed periodically to say Nathan had called and asked if she was ok, but no, he was not permitted to come and visit her.

Christmas Day had been a real chance to get together for the

first time in months and she had been looking forward to it. Thinking back, it was probably the adrenaline of having to make food for three extra people that had got her through.

“Are you sure you are up to this?” Nathan had been quite

concerned.

“Look, it’s fine. I’ve looked online and I’m allowed up to five

extra people to come visit. Besides, the boys tell me you are a terrible cook.”

Kelly knew now that she hadn’t quite fully understood what her

brother had asked, he had been taking note of her niggling complaints when she had called to check in.

“I’m just tired, it takes a lot of effort to find things to do

in lockdown.”

She would laugh lightly, blame it on the amount of gardening she

had been doing. It was hard work digging and planting.

“I’m not coughing and that’s the main thing, isn’t it?”

Nathan had noticed her on Christmas morning, she had leant on

the sink to try and get her breath steady. A concerned eyebrow had been raised.

“Honestly I’m fine, but if it puts your mind at rest I’ll call

the doctor after Boxing day. Let’s get today out of the way.”

Kelly had fixed a smile and carried on but it had crept up on

her, the realization that she was only using half her lungs, or so it seemed to her. Panic had forced her to try and breathe more deeply, and anxiety had made those breaths seem more shallow. Finally, halfway through her meal, she had to put her cutlery down and put her hand to her chest.

“I can’t seem to catch my breath.”

 There had been lots of things she had looked forward to in

the coming year. In a fit of gardening madness, she had planted snowdrops. Which she could see had bloomed, and were now starting to wilt. The tete a tetes under the window were still going strong though. It gave her some satisfaction to know those lockdown days weren’t wasted and she had managed to grow something out of them. Even if the last three months had been devoid of her care. Although they looked a little anachronistic underneath the window, which had the words 'Let it snow' stuck on it in gel letters. The garden looked like it had not seen snow for a while now, the small lawn beside her path was a deep green color. Its leafy blades were creeping onto the concrete; she would have to get the lawnmower out as soon as she returned to full health.

The paramedic had gone up the path to unlock the door, leaving

her sat in the wheelchair at the gate. The sun seemed to burn more harshly than the florescent strip lightening of the hospital ward, and it was a lot more warming on her skin. Still, she was grateful for the blanket that was wrapped around her legs. There was still a chill at the end of her fingertips.

“Gorgeous day, isn’t it?”

  He smiled as he walked back to her. He had been very cheerful on the ride back. He had sung new songs from the radio. It jarred with her as the last time she had listened to the radio there was nothing but back to back Christmas songs and carol services. He had talked to Kelly about his wife, who was in the middle of a massive declutter.

"I can't find a bloody thing!" He laughed.

Kelly was dreading the amount of tidying she would have to do to

catch up on the last three months.

He smiled at her as he walked toward her. He was wearing

mirrored shades that reflected her gaunt frame back to her. She managed to smile weakly in return.

The doctors had advised a slow return to normality, but in her

mind a list was already beginning to form. Firstly, those lights would have to come down. She only hoped Nathan had managed to clear the rest of the decorations and clear the plates from the table. Then, perhaps a cup of tea and a chance to sit in the garden. She could now see the fence border as she was wheeled up the path. She had planted primroses along there last autumn, one of

every color she could find from her rare visits to the garden store. Of course they all looked like the same brown seeds when she had put them in the ground. Now, they had bloomed into a rainbow of color.