The Dog Ate My Christmas Tree and the Murder

“Are you going to the holiday party tomorrow?”

“Which one? Everyone and their grandma seems to be having holiday parties this year.”

“You know the fun one.” 

“Can you be more specific? I haven’t had fun at any of these parties.”

“The one that Jack and Janet are having you know at their house. The house they just bought a few months ago. It is sort of like a house warming and holiday party all in one.” 

“I don’t know. I might be busy that day.”

“You don’t even know what day it is. Come on. You might find love.” 

“Please. That is a long shot and I have given up on finding love. I will take finding lust over love any day of the week. Besides, the dog ate my Christmas tree and I have to get another one.”

“Wait. Your little teeny tiny dog ate your big old Christmas tree? That tree has to be 6 feet tall so how can little bitty Rambo eat your tree?” 

“Well, Rambo might be small but she is fast and can jump high. I was in bed reading and all of a sudden I heard a crash in the living room. I knew that it was too early for Santa and plus I don’t have a chimney for him to shimmy down so I ran and got my baseball bat. I had to be armed and dangerous. Like the movie. Okay, not like the movie but anyway, I go in the living room and I see the tree on the floor and Rambo eating the popcorn I strung on the tree which were on the top branches by the way. So, now you see how she ate my tree.”

“Okay, that is not exactly eating the tree. She only ate the popcorn off the tree.”

“Stop laughing. It is not funny. It took me almost an hour to put that tree back together and put Rambo in time out.” 

“It’s not her fault you know that dogs will eat almost anything, especially Rambo. And why is that an excuse not to go to the party?” 

“I really don’t want to go to another boring holiday party where everyone is going to be asking me if I have a date and when I say no they look at me with a pitiful looser look and volunteer their cousin, Vinny’s or John or whoever’s number for me to call or they will grab someone single across the room and drag the over and introduce them to me and smile like they have accomplished playing cupid and we are supposed to fall in love have ten babies and live happily ever after.” 

“Dam girl, all that? But, I did hear that Rodney was coming and he is single and cute and has a good job working with the state.”

“See that is what I am talking about. There you go. Perfect example. You know that me and Rodney are just friends. That is all we will ever be. So, that is why I don’t want to go.”

“How dare you say Rodney is not cute. He is very cute.” 

“You date him then. But so you will shut up I will go okay.” 

“Good. I didn’t have to wear you down too much. So, the party starts at 8 so I will be at your house around 6 to get you together. Any idea of what you are going to wear?”

“I have no clue. But, I am sure you will help me. Hey, you’re not bringing Martin with you?”

“No, he will be out of town.”

“Come on girl, pick something. The party starts soon and you aren’t even ready.”

“I am trying to get this dress on. I think I gained a few pounds. I don’t remember this dress being this tight. Come in here and help me.”

“Suck it in. What have you been eating?”

“Stop it. Just the usual. Okay, maybe some extra cookies here and there.”

“How many did you eat? Okay, I think I can zip it up. “

“Ready?”

“Ready as I will ever get. Let’s go.”

“Hopefully, Rambo won’t eat your tree while we are gone.”

“Stop it. Me and Rambo had a long talk and she knows better now.”

“I don’t understand why you named that little tiny mutt of yours Rambo.”

“I was trying to be funny. You know she is the opposite of Rambo. She would not hurt a fly.”

“Yeah, only a Christmas tree with popcorn.”

“Shut up.  Let’s go.”

“Are you sure this is the right address?”

“That’s what they told me.”

“This neighborhood looks sketchy to me. OMG was that a rat?”

“Where?”

“He just ran right across my foot almost. That fat blur over in the corner by the garbage can.”

“No, that is probably a little mouse.” 

“Let’s hurry up and find this house before some other varmint runs over my foot.”

“Oh look it is over here. That white house with the blue lights outside and Santa.”

“Well, are you ready for this?” 

“As ready as I will ever be.” 

“The door is open.” 

“Where is everyone?”

“I don’t know. Are we in the right place? Check the address again. This is weird.”

“Wait, I think I see people down the hallway. Yeah, they are all down there. I wonder what is going on?”

“One way to find out. Let’s follow the crowd and go and see what’s happening.”

“What’s going on?”

“Someone is dead.”

“No, that can’t be right.”

“I am telling you there is a dead body on the floor. There’s blood and the person is not moving. We gotta get closer to see who it is. I can’t  see a thing. You’re pushy. Move the people out of the way.” 

“Hold on. Let me ask this woman next to us. She’s closer than we are.”

“Excuse me, Miss, what is going on? Is someone dead?”

“Yes, someone got stabbed to death. The knife is still in his chest.”

“Who is it?”

“A guest I think.”

“You said it was a man. “

“Yes, it's a man. I can’t tell who it is.”

“Come on Kami, we gotta get closer to see who it is.”

“Oh look. Look who it is.”

“Oh damn.” 

“Yes dam is right. Who would want him dead?”

“Yes, who would kill Rodney? He would not hurt a fly.”