Boom

The finale, the drums beat passionately and dramatically, the euphoric feeling of the bass hitting your chest and lighting up your brain through your ears as the crowd roars and the almost perfect nostalgic feeling washes over you as you soak up these final moments of unity before everyone goes back to their normal mundane lives of being slaves to the system.

In this moment, however, you are alive.

In this moment, we are all one and our hearts all beat the same.

The only thing is… the lights onstage went out and the moment ended about 15 minutes ago.

The speech before the last song was played and heartfelt moments shared between the crowd and the idols flash through my memory on repeat, though fleeting, as I stand there in a daze staring at the aftermath of the show. Plastic cups, glowsticks, confetti and beer cans litter the GA lawn I stand on, from people who came here and made memories with loved ones, just as I had the year before with mine.

My gaze shifts as the last stragglers begin to pour out behind the bulk of the crowd, I wasn’t ready yet… to rejoin the masses and go back to the way things were in the real world. I just wanted to- no needed to escape and soak up this fantasy a little bit longer.

The technicians who made it all possible began to trickle out onto stage to clean up and clear out for the night and security began to search the lawn for anyone who had not yet left, but there I stand, silent and still as I look down at my spare ticket in hand and then to the sky…

“Were you watching with me? Did you hear the speech ? You would’ve loved it.” I said aloud to the empty air around me, tears welling up in my eyes.

Just under a year ago I lost my best friend Scott.

He passed away from either an accidental overdose or suicide, we are still trying to figure it out.

There were no answers, only questions and speculation from friends and those who had once been a part of his life. We had held a small memorial in his honor, there was no funeral, no burial or cremation, and no obituary… There was only a fake gofundme created by one of his crazy exes to turn profit off his tragedy.

Scotty’s dad had passed away the month before him leaving nobody to bury him besides his mother whom was actively struggling with addiction, who even if she had the funds to, probably wouldn’t even bury her own son and bring him that one final peace.

I tried reaching out to everyone time and time again for updates, and to set something up so that we might possibly even bury him ourselves, but I kept getting the run around. It felt like I was the only one who truly cared and I was alone in this.

By this point I couldn’t even see the ticket I had saved for him as the tears left my eyes, I was half expecting him to text me one day and apologize for scaring everyone.

The band I came to see was our favorite band, who we had come to see the year before.

It was the last memory I had of Scott smiling before everything went downhill for everyone.

We were part of a friend group of 4: Scott, Alicia, Myself and my Fiancé.

Scott wasn’t the only one struggling during this time, Alicia had been kicked out of her home and was going through a rough period, and my apartment had gotten broken into and left my Fiancé in the ICU for 3 days needing reconstructive surgery.

Scott was our glue through all of this, always the person to take care of others before taking care of his own needs, a truly beautiful soul.

He took Alicia in for a short period while she figured it out, eventually moving in with her now boyfriend, Kevin.

When my apartment had gotten broken into he was the first person to pick up the phone and got Alicia to come sit with me at the hospital all night. That night I had to call police to get my cat and an overnight bag from my place.

He was the first person there with me besides my Fiancé’s mother who flew in from Ohio when he got out of the hospital to come help clear the rest of our stuff out from the apartment.

The police escort never showed up so we kept the U-Haul at his place and he picked us up the very next day to bring us back, this time with an AR-15 in case the police didn’t show again. He was truly an angel of a person.

This memory triggered another one of just weeks before when we were chilling at his favorite spot near the woods drinking a couple of cold ones talking about the future, not knowing he wouldn’t be in it.

We decided together after a few jokes about it that he would be suited for position in security, as he was already a protector and physically fit for the job.

A couple years back somebody he hardly had contact with anymore reached out and told him they had been raped and within the same week he beat the guy up and recorded it, extracting a public apology from him.

One of the parties we had gone to, someone showed up and tried to sexually harass one of our friends and he picked the guy up and threw him out the door to the hotel and even managed to keep me calm so as to not get in trouble myself.

Scott was always protecting all of us.

I wished in that moment, standing alone like this that he had been here to hear that speech. To feel the magical moment, where I could turn to him and say “Don’t ever give up on yourself” and “Thank you” for all that he has ever done, to just show him there was light at the end of our dark tunnel.

By this point security was shining a bright light on me, and I quickly wiped away my tears. “Excuse me miss but I’m gonna need you to leave the venue.”

A wave of embarrassment washed over me being found in such a state, I hadn’t even realized how much time had passed since everyone had left.

The clock now read 12:03am and my ferry had already left and my phone was on 1%. “I’m sorry,” I sniffled “Um, is there anywhere I could plug my phone in just long enough to catch an uber? I wasn’t paying attention and I think I missed my ferry.” I explained.

The security had an expression of pity on his face as he called out over his walkie “hold the boat we got one left” almost instantly he got a response back “copy that.” he turned back to me “if you run you can make it, just try not to take to long… here.” he handed me a napkin to blot my face.

I thanked him, glancing at his vest.

Allied Universal

It was the company Scott was going to join before he passed away.

See Scott ? Another protector just like you…

I thought to myself, how this is exactly how he would’ve handled this situation- with kindness.

This interaction brought me some comfort as I sprinted my way to the ferry in time, leaving behind the final memory of my former friend.

If only I could keep reliving this moment, where I can see you again…

And from that an idea planted a seed in my mind that would come to fruition.

About a month had passed since the concert and I was walking the city streets to my train. I was running 5 minutes early and was eager to begin working this new job.

I had quit my old one after I found a course and completed my certification so I could earn more money to get me and my Fiancé into a new apartment.

I walked down the subway steps and tapped my transportation card against the reader, shimmying through the turn-styles to patiently wait for my train. I was headed to the Amtrak station on my way to New York for my first gig.

I arrived with time to spare and made my way to the staff locker rooms where I quickly strapped up my boots and buttoned my jacket, throwing my bag into the locker grabbing only my scanner and a water bottle I had brought with me.

This was my very first job by myself after training was complete and I was so excited to be on my own.

I glanced at myself in the mirror, smiling lovingly at the sight before me “Hello again my friend, are you ready?” I said silently to myself adjusting my black and highlighter jacket with a big Allied Universal patch on my shoulder.

Today I would be manning the doors for half the set and the entrance to the seats closest to the stage just in time for our favorite band, where I would find myself doing a lot more than just checking wristbands and scanning tickets,

I would be doing meaningful work helping people just like us and reliving that one last memory of him smiling beside me again and again…

until next time my friend.

“https://youtu.be/QlV0-ufSFzw”

In loving memory of Scott Snyder Jr. may you find peace in being remembered through me.