Wanda's Gifts

A rush of frigid air blasts me in the face as I look up at the sign “Wanda’s Gifts.” My shoulders drop along with my somber mood, and I pull on the door handle. The wind practically knocks me down, but I finally manage to shuffle inside. I feel foolish, but no one notices my grand entrance – get over yourself Marie, not that important. Ugh, I did it again. I really need to stop with this negative self-talk, he really makes me feel badly about myself. As the door closes behind me, I glance around and take a deep breath. There are vibrant colored crystals in all shapes and sizes. Some of them radiate such beauty that even on a desperate day one can appreciate their magnificence. My eyes wander to candles, books, tarot cards, jewelry, gifts, and more. What am I doing? This is ridiculous. I am here for sage, to sage my home, this is for my family. If there’s any truth in it, maybe I need to try.

My best friend Robin insisted I visit Wanda’s Gifts after I told her about the bad juju in my home. My marriage is breaking. We are fighting in front of our children. My heart feels heavy, and my pleas, love and admiration are never enough - damn him. He’s still drinking heavily at night when he’s alone, and I am endlessly worrying about him. I don’t’ feel safe. Why won’t he listen? Why does he hurt me with those names? Why is he laughing at me? No, I am not crazy. I just want to talk, I am worried. This is exhausting. My rage fades into to sorrow, the cycle continues. He had a bad childhood, he wasn't loved properly. Maybe he’s right. I am overreacting. I am a horrible mother, but I love my kids fiercely. I feel so broken. Why am I shaking? Breath. He is controlling my brain, take control and breath.

There are so many sage and incense sticks for burning. I have to approach the register with my rehearsed line, so I don’t sound as awkward of course “Hello – a friend, uh she sent me here to buy sage. I already have all the spiritual paperwork or whatever it's called, I just need some help with the sage.” Oh no problem he says as he begins to explain the varieties and purposes. I am catching words – cleansing, burning, smudging, healing.

Suddenly I feel a sense of calm and connection. I am no longer shaking, but at peace with this stranger. “I need the strongest smudge sticks you have. My home and my family are broken right now. There’s been a lot of fighting. The couple before we moved in the house ended in divorce. I heard a nazi soldier lived in there once. I really need your help, it’s bad.” Oh, I awkwardly overshared, shocker. My eyes well up as I watch the man scanning the shelf before finally settling on two sticks and places them in my hand. I shiver with a whimsical feeling as he nodded and muttered “good luck.”

I wander over to crystals, they are so beautiful - some even glimmer. I feel a sense of gratitude for the great gifts from our precious mother earth, I am feeling peace. The store’s door just swung open and a man and woman walk in. I quickly look away and I feel the pit plummet back down my throat and hang in my heart. There goes that peace, this energy healing nonsense ugh. I made it this far, pick some stones and get out.

I see the man that walked in more clearly. He’s wearing a camouflage jacket. Heck, he looks like he doesn’t care much about his appearance, doesn’t even try. His hair and beard are begging for TLC. Why would he be in here? Now he is chatting and laughing with the owner. This is so weird. I wonder where the other person went? Was there another person? Maybe I am crazy. Stop wallowing and judging, find some stones and embrace burning prayers, right. Jade for luck, citrine for happiness, clear quartz for healing, and finally angel aura for truth and forgiveness, that sums it up

I need to get out of here. Camo Man just chatting away with my only way out. As if this isn’t overwhelming enough. They look over. Finally.

Why is camo man walking this way too? Great.

“Excuse me, I do not mean to sound so brood but, just wait here. I want to get you something. Listen, I know you do not know me, but you need to heal. You have heard of an aura? We all have one, but yours is broken. I look over at the man behind the counter and he nods his head in approval. The camo man hands me a few small stones – “amethyst, black tourmaline, and obsidian for protection, onyx for strength. Whatever it is, you need to heal. Protect yourself from what is hurting you, you can mend those holes. Carry these stones, sleep with them, you will find strength and protection.

I am flooded with feelings but no words come out. I feel shame by my judgement. I feel humbled by his kindness. I feel gratitude for his generosity. And then I felt safe as I lunged forward opening my arms. I held camo man and sobbed. I finally lift my head and take a step back. He smiles and waves goodbye to me. Slowly, I make my way to exit the store. A young girl looks over to me with fear in her eyes, I am walking out with a smile after sobbing with a stranger.

I shuffle out the door laughing with that whimsical feeling again as I yell “You can’t make this stuff up, that was amazing!” I carry the crystals in a pouch with me. That scruffy camo man saved my soul. No more holes in my aura. I walked in there for the first time, and I walked out ready to be the stronger, protected me. They knew exactly what I needed. I needed Wanda's gifts.