THE UNTHINKABLE

Sometimes a high school going girl may fall for a man, who may be too mature for her. Some girls may not have the best fathers and as a result, do not have the role models they deserve and need. They may make one silly mistake, fall pregnant and this is something that cannot be fixed. This is permanent and hopefully, they will be able to raise the baby and give the child a loving, stable upbringing the child deserves. Some moms are strong and capable of walking this rocky road of single parenting alone. If they are sensible, they will not make further mistakes in their lives and may even meet a wonderful and loving husband down the road. Even though this is a mistake that can never be fixed, life could be happy and joyful again.

However, there are far worse mistakes that could be made. Crimes could be committed that can never be undone, an incident may take place that one will never be able to fix. A life-changing event that is permanent and so damaging that it cannot ever be undone. Where the person will never see the light of day again. 

At times when we have a burden weighing us down, we know for a fact that our problem will eventually be resolved again. It may take two days, it may take a week or a month or even a few months but at some point, it will be resolved. Most of us will wake up in the morning, drunk with sleep, lift our head from our pillow, think briefly of where we are and what the day may hold in store and remember the problem still weighing us down. Once it is resolved and we no longer have it hanging over our heads, we will be able to wake up with a lighter heart and jump out of bed, joyful and happy once more. We look forward to this day.

For others, who have made a very bad decision, poor choices, had a moment of insanity, there is no happiness to look forward to, no relief that all has been resolved. Their soul will never again find peace or know joy ever again.

This is the typical day in the life of an inmate …

The tiny window cannot be opened as it has a bar and screen covering it. The glorious sunrise cannot be witnessed from inside. I wake up, pull the toilet paper out of my ears because I do not wish to hear the noises and sounds that go on around me at night, I roll my feet over the side of the bed and realise that this is not a nightmare. This is not a bad dream. This is my reality. For some this may be a few years, for others it may be for the rest of their lives. They wake up to the same routine day in and day out, every day being the same.  

The first chore is to make the bed, it needs to be nice and crisp. Sit back on the bed and wait for count. Once everyone in the dormitory has been accounted for, it’s time to get an available toilet as quickly as possible. After going potty, I stand up and get my foot ready because now I have to flush the toilet and run. The toilets here shoot water up at you and spatter out of a toilet used by so many others is no fun. 

Next, I go and fetch my toothbrush and head back to the splattered toilet area. There is water everywhere and toothpaste spattered on the excuse for a mirror. The place is disgusting. The toothbrush feels like one’s finger and the toothpaste has no flavour. The next item on the agenda is to get dressed. Everyone has a uniform that looks the same. 

All dressed, it’s time to get to breakfast, all walking in a straight line.  In the chow hall, there is a tray to be collected in the hole in the wall. I get my slop and as soon as I sit, it’s time to eat. Boiled egg, 2 pieces of toast, some watery grits, eat, eat, eat, hurry hurry hurry, only have a few minutes. Food finished in three minutes, walk over to the dustbin, throw away what needs to be thrown away and place my tray back on the counter top. 

It is now 6.30 am. Once back at the room with a still made bed, I sit down and wait for work call. It’s time to do ground keeping and choose a tool to use. Today I have chosen a spade and I need to find a spot in the compound where I can dig.  It’s hot so I find a shady spot under a big tree and chat with friends. After about five hours, count is being done. We put the tools back into the shed and head back to the dormitory. We get back on the bunk and after count, it’s time for lunch.

The long walk to the chow hall is again made where I collect my food.  It is normally a peanut butter sandwich. The bread is stale. Eat, eat, eat, hurry hurry hurry, have only a few minutes. Once back in the dormitory, everyone needs to wait for everyone to finish eating and then we get released for work again.

I fetch my spade only to do it all over again for the next few hours, either digging or hiding and chatting in the shade. When work call is over, I put my tool back into the shed as each tool needs to be accounted for and then I go back to the dormitory to get ready for supper.

Once the tray is collected, eat eat eat, hurry hurry hurry only have a few minutes. Due to the heat, there are flies everywhere. I’m trying to chase the flies, eat as quickly as possible and being shouted at from the side to “hurry hurry hurry”. Tray handed in, I’m out of the chow hall. We eat to live and survive. It is not meant to be an enjoyable meal, sitting with friends and have meaningful discussions or asking to pass the salt.

During the summertime when it is daylight saving, one gets yard time. During this time one can walk around outside, talk to friends in the same compound, make a telephone call or go to canteen. When it starts getting dark outside, the yard is closed and everyone stays inside for the night. During the winter season, the yard time is considerably shorter. 

Once inside, one needs to sit on the bunk again for another count to be done. Some venture into the day room to watch television. The day room has metal picnic tables and in a very high and far corner of the room is a tiny little television set in a box bolted to the wall. 

One can then decide on whether to take a shower. Some are hyped up from the day and it’s getting loud in the dormitory. It’s then a time to perhaps unwind by reading, writing a letter, listen to music or playing cards. The long evenings are the most difficult time to get through. This is the time when one has too much time to think. Thinking of how things could have been done differently. This is the time when the regret builds and the depression sets in. Life on the outside continues. The sun will continue to rise and the sun will continue to set, each day. 

“Lights out” and everyone crawls into bed. The toilet paper is rolled up and goes back into my ears so as not to hear the sounds that surround me. Every part of my body is covered to avoid the insects from sitting and crawling on my skin. Eventually, I fall asleep and the next day is the same as the day before. 

This is a day in the life of a prisoner. Some crimes are so evil, that the prisoner will never see the light of day again. They have been sentenced for life and others have death row hanging over them. This will be their home for their remaining years on earth. Once their sentence has been passed by a Judge, no amount of crying or regret will ever be able to change what they have done or the circumstances they find themselves in. They will never be able to fix this mistake.