The First Timeline

“ I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine.” She was most undoubtedly not fine but she was trying. It was her day off she was having a great time, a decent time at least. She slept in, then got out of bed to make her favorite breakfast, french toast with berries and whipped cream. She took slow; read a little, watched a movie, and noticed how nice it was so went to the gym and decided to finish out the night by going to sit in the park before dinner. It was empty at this time probably because most people were eating now, if she stayed long enough others would show up soon. She’d brought a blanket, bug spray, and journal so she could enjoy a nice meditation. As she laid out her blanket she realized just which bag she had, dug around in the small side pocket, and found her medicinal marijuana pen, the one shd been smoking for a week. It was going to be a nice peaceful time. Time to decompress from the shittiness of just… life. Feeling unfulfilled and bored. She didn’t have a bad life but she also didn’t have an extravagant one. It was just fine.  She hit the pen, once,  twice, three times then began her meditation. 

Picture yourself sitting in the sunbeams. You ground yourself, sending roots down into the Earth, to the core so you will be anchored for your trip. You return your attention to the sun feeling the light wash over you. As the sun beams fill you up, you begin to feel light, and weightless. Like at any moment with the next breeze you could just float away. You begin to float, still feeling your roots grounding you. You float past the branches, tree tops, and birds. Soaring closer and closer to the sky, to your purpose. You make it out of Earth, through the atmosphere, into space, floating past stars and rocks and plants. So far out you begin to see the horizons of other universes. You hit the perfect spot in space where these universes touch, intersecting with time and space and it fills you with all the wisdom of all your past and alternate lives. The weight of this knowledge and these experiences begin sending you back home. Through space, back into the atmosphere, back through the clouds. You float back down knowing you have the support of the roots to bring you home safely. Knowing they will return you to your spot in the sunbeams. Take your time coming back once nestled on the ground. Bring your roots back up slowly and come back into the now, the present. Wiggle your toes, then your fingers, and make the movements bigger and bigger, sending them up your legs and down your arms. When you are ready open your eyes. If you have some time meditate or journal on the messages and lessons you learned from your trip. Like and subscr-

She opened her eyes and took a moment to readjust her eyes to the sunlight. Then reached next to her for her journal, pen, and medicinal pen. She took another hit before turning her attention back to the book. She took a deep breath and began writing. She could, no should, do more to find a better job. She knows it drains her and makes her sad, but she does get paid enough to live, and that's enough right? She could also do better to connect with people. She feels a little isolated but everyone is busy. Otherwise, her life wasn’t bad. It was fine. She had some anxiety but everyone has anxiety and she’s not depressed. She gasps. She noticed her hand had a slight tremble as she was writing, which was now a full tremor. It felt as if her arm was vibrating, and it was spreading. She noticed her heart next picking up speed and ferocity. It was fast, too fast and so hard. She tried to take another deep breath but felt like she was fighting to get air into her throat past her tongue. Why did it feel so tight? There was a heat building in her gut and her head, she felt muscles in her arm and face twitching. Her eyes wanted to close. Am I going to faint? “ I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine.” She could still get the words out so she was breathing but something was WRONG. She tried breathing again. Tried to make the inhales and exhales deep and long. But she wasn’t any calmer, She tried grounding but could remember 5 things she could hear, 4 she could see or touch. What could she touch? When she moved her hand again and noticed the tremors more she panicked. The tightness in her chest increased. “ I’m having a heart attack. My arms feels numb I’m haing a heart attak. My face numtbh I’m having a stroke. I, I , I , I ,hHELP, HELP ME, NO HLEP ME, HHHH. PLESSSEE.” 

She couldn’t speak, not in a way that made sense to her anymore, but she had her thoughts. She had to call for help before she blacked out. She could feel the darkness waiting to set in. What time was it and where were all the people? The park was always full after dinner to her chagrin, but the one time she needed others, no one was here. She took her shaking hand and searched for her phone on the blanket again. She was able to somehow hold and punch in the code on her phone tapping at the keys slowly. Who could she call? Should she call 911? She wasn’t certain. She was high. Although medical marijuana was legal in this state, she didn’t have a medical card. It was illegal. But she was dying. Should she call 911? She felt tears building in her eyes, her throat got tighter, the heat and chills spreading up through her at the same time. As she moved to hit the 9, she felt her eyes fall shut as her body fell back.

The first thing she felt was scratching on her face. Something was touching her. Her eyes popped open as she lifted her hand to knock whatever insect that was off of her. She itched all over. She was sore. All competing thoughts all happening at the same time. She had knocked the bug off her face so she could focus on another thought. She opened and closed her eyes again and noticed it was dark both ways. As she focused more on what she could see she noticed the stars in the sky. There was no moon and no lights at the park. As she lay there in the grass she remember what happened hours?? before. What time was it? Her skin was itchy and realized she was in the grass having fainted just off her blanket. She felt like shit but she was alive. She sat up slowly, sore and still quite shaky from her ordeal. She could barely see around her. “ It would be nice to have my phone to help me see and search for my phone.” She felt around the blanket and surrounding grass for the phone, hitting many rocks, she hoped they were rocks, an insect or two, and finally the hard shape of her phone. She was shaking again, not larger tremors like before but still shaking. She hit the screen on her phone, the light jolting her eyes again, typing in her passcode and seeing the time 10:42 p.m. She got to the park around 6 so she’d been out for 3-4 hours. “But I’m alive and I think I’m fine.” She turned on the flashlight on her phone and began slowly gathering her stuff. Putting her journal and pen in her purse. Then taking them out to search for the car keys. She had the keys in hand, the journal back in bag, and bent over to grab her blanket. Using the light from her flashlight she slowly walked back to her car. Unlocking the door, she threw her stuff in the passenger seat, started the car, and drove back home. Once she made it into her driveway she felt the tension slip from her shoulders. The thought briefly of going to the hospital but was exhausted. She grabbed the items from the passenger seat, turned off the car, and shuffled to unlock her door. Going inside, she pushed the door closed, drop all her things on the floor, and fell asleep on the couch. 

The following day she felt heightened. Things didn't feel right, she was on alert. She walked to the bathroom to shower. As she looked up to grab her rag the thought surprised her ‘you could hang from here.’ She jumped almost falling into the counter. What the hell was that? Her heart thumped faster, breath growing shaky before she physically shook her body, stripped down, and got in the tub. She turned on the water letting the warm water soak her. She thinks about last night, and how lucky she was. “How am I alive?” Her body shuddered; she didnt want to think about the alternative. But she needed to try to find a cause, a trigger, and be aware of what to look for in case it happened again. She quickly finished in the shower and moved to turn the water off ‘one slip, you’re out and gone.’ She froze. Then slowly inched her way to the lip of the tub, sitting down and then lifting her legs out. Her hands shook, breathing quickened as she reached for her towel. “ Why am I thinking these things?” She was getting perturbed. She’d never had thoughts like this before and it was startling. She could feel the panic building in her body. She tried to breathe through it as she dried off. She felt weak as she walked back to her room. Instead of dressing for the day, namely work, she sat naked and contemplated calling out. Her gut was telling her not to be alone all day, but she didn’t have the capacity to do work today. The longer she sat the more her stomach turned, she felt bile in her throat, felt more and more she should just wrap the sheets behind her around her body instead of moving. Her stuff was still in the living room. As she got up she left like she was moving through concrete. She probably wouldn’t make it to the car like this so she had no choice but to call out. As she made it back to the living room she began seeing spots.  She was going down, again. She didn’t have to time to access the other symptoms before she was again shrouded in darkness. 

The darkness didn’t last. She’d been here before; where these universes touch, intersecting with time and space-filling you with all the wisdom of all your past and alternate lives. This is the space she pictured, or was taken, during her meditation. However this time she wasn’t tethered or founded or rooted, just floating in this spot. And she was being flooded by images. Images of her, or at least very similar to her. But, they were horrific. Image after image of cases frozen some in fear, some lids open life gone from the eyes, some covered in blood, just image after image of her death in various forms. She felt sick. Trying to squeeze her eyes closed but the images never dissipated. Eyes open and she felt as if she was being pulled into whatever image she was looking at. She kept wiggling, trying to turn back, remember the path taken back to her Earth. Yet, she was traveling towards the image of her, hands around her neck as blood pooled between her fingers. As she hit the ground she realized she was in a room and she was standing in the corner looking at Her. Her sitting at the table staring at a knife. A rather large knife as tears rolled down her face and onto the blade. As she took a better look at the surroundings she noticed it was a little outdated but kept nice. Her was outfitted in lingerie, lace a little worn in the cups, and slightly faded underwear. As she listened she heard groans from outside the room. She wanted to stay and watch her but she had to see what was on the other side of this door. When she entered the hallway she saw 6 more doors. She opened the first door to the right and saw another woman in a similar state to Her. Guant, visibly unhappy, just as scantily clad. As she took a look around the room she realized the only source of light in all three areas was lamps. There were no windows. She went back into the hallway, wanting to look in more rooms but needing to see where she was. ‘Maybe they don’t need windows here.’  She kept walking down hallways until she encountered a heavy door. She noticed the keypad but pushed through anyway. No one had seen or heard She thus far and she was anything but stealthy. As she continued down the hall she encountered another door as she pushed it open realized it lead outdoors. She looked around, almost directly across the street from a truck stop. She looked back at the building she came out of and noticed it looked almost warehouse-like. She watched as a man parked his truck and crossed the road to the building, going up to a window that reminded her of a ticket booth back home. She ventured closer and realized what was taking place: the man looking at images of girls, none smiling. Discussing fees making jokes “where do you find these beauties?” “You wouldn’t even want to know.” A giggle. They felt joy and she knew, Her was not here by choice. Her was about to make the decision to no longer be here by choice. She went back inside. Hoping to .. stop Her but also, her was suffering. She had no clue where Her came from, how long Her had been here, or what Her had been through but Her was he and She didn’t want to die or see Her die.  As she made it back into the room, She watched as Her took and deep breath took the knife into Her hands, and closed Her eyes.

She squeezed her eyes shut and saw more images again. She was once again floating. The image startling her the most now was a broken body on the pavement. Looking almost fluid-like, liquified. She was taken to that world at rapid speed. . She was in an apartment this time looking at They. They were sitting on the floor hunched over the coffee table writing quickly, almost sloppily. They spoke the words as they wrote. They: I’ve dreamt of death for as long as I could remember. Even in my happy moments, I thought of ending it all. Because I knew inevitably, the sadness, the darkness the ick would return and plague my thoughts. I can no longer fight and I’m sorry this will hurt you but it will free me.” They stopped writing. Walked to the door and unlocked it. Then came back to the table and folded the note. She watched as They then moved towards the balcony on the other side of the room. And knew it was about to happen. She watched as they walked over, swung one leg, then the other over the rail, inhaled then let go, falling  20 stories to the ground, where they became liquid. 

She felt the weightlessness this time. She saw the images and began noticing, they were all young, all images frozen in time. In no timeline was she ever old. She felt her stomach revolt. This was her destiny, to never make it but why? She feel the pain they all had, and understood they wanted to be freed from that but was every timeline so tragic. Was she never happy, at peace, or content in any? “ Are you any of those things in your own?”  She didn’t want to become one of these images. She didn’t love her life currently but she still wanted to live. She wanted to grow old. She cried, Was she doomed? Was it worth it to fight? “ YES”. But how? “We can figure that out.” We can try. I cannot, I will not end up here. Not at this age. I want the wrinkles, the gray hair, the journey. I’ll do whatever I need to, to ensure I get it but please let me go home. Please let me live, PLEASE!” 

It was black again. She heard pounding but could not move to it. She heard the door burst open next and a voice yelling “ SHE’S HERE, CALL AN AMBULANCE!” Much softer “ Hey sweetie, please open your eyes, we’re here, we’re gonna get you help but please open your eyes.” Hands she felt hands all over, on her neck, her wrist her abdomen, her face. She has a pulse, she is warm, her heart is fast, and she’s breathing. “Help is coming, help is coming.” She felt some strength come back into her form, allowing just enough power for her to lift her eyelids. She wanted to smile, wanted to quell the nerves of the co-workers who came looking for her. She wanted to tell them she would be fine and she would. She has to search, she’d have to work, she’d have to fight to ensure those thoughts never caught her. But she would. She had a chance to be the first. The first timeline that made it and she was determined to make it.