Love flies free

She enters the room to see an overwhelming mound of clothes piled up on the bed from the days before when she still hadn't felt up to doing them. Dishes wrapped around her room already littered with snacks she had devoured and didn't have the care to get up and throw away. She felt as if everything around her was ganging up on her, making her feel weak and tired. Did it matter if the laundry was folded? Would it be fine here a few more days? The twins ran around the house laughing and running together around their mother as she stood before them contemplating her life. Why did this task seem so daunting? Wasn't this her job, to do the laundry, cook and clean? But it's starting to feel so repetitive she thought to herself as she sucked up air into her nostrils so hard it's all she could hear and released it into the world with the same audible sound whooshing from behind her teeth. This was her way of motivating herself to get over her mindset and focus on the task again. Feeling at odds with herself, she decided to turn on some music to help lift her mood and make the job a little lighter. She sees her favorite song on the homepage and clicks it to get to work. As the tunes are playing, lifting her spirits, she folds each piece of clothing with lovingness and care. Taking her time to flip the pants and shirts right side, making sure the socks were matched, and making a pile for each person in the family. As she started to come away from her everyday awareness, she felt a calming peacefulness come over her. She loved her family so much and enjoyed doing these things for them, but sometimes it just felt as if it was nothing but a chore. She felt as if her family had just expected her to do these things and they were disappointed when things were not done a certain way or upset if they had to do something for themselves. She realized she had always just done everything for them, and that's what they were used to. Her thoughts wandered and wandered as she moved from moment to memory in her mind replacing one with another. A little white shirt caught her eye and brought her back into her moment in time. She reached into the basket, releasing a hard audible breath of air. The shirt her husband had just bought was stained all along the front. "Oh, god! I must have missed that," she groaned to herself because it was already washed and it was too late to get it to come out. Disappointment began to well up inside of her. She was in control of the laundry and she had let it go to the point it was in piles and baskets all around the house and now she had missed this stupid stain. Tears just fell from out of her eyes, She felt as if she wasn't enough for the family. Anger and resentment crept up slowly as she didn't feel like all that she was doing was enough and the family always needed more. She grabbed onto herself and huddled on the floor next to the bed. She was just going to let it out she decided as cries of hopelessness and wanting to give up surfaced up inside of her. She felt her body shaking violently with each harsh breath in and out as it was muddled with whimpers of pain. She thought of all her failures at this moment, each time she had felt low or not enough. Her hair was matted to her face and the clothes all around her she had laid upon were becoming wet as well. She snapped back into her reality again. She lifted her head looking around to see if anyone heard her, the girls could still be heard in the living room screaming and playing away. She felt embarrassed by her actions and by some of her feelings. She hung down her head and knew she couldn't help how she felt, but still held herself accountable. "I have got to get it together!" she whispers to herself, trying to calm herself down, she takes a full breath of air in and closes her eyes. In the silence, she feels a change around her, a shift in the energy in the room. She opens her eyes as she lets the air out and expects to see one of her toddlers looking back at her, but no one is standing there. The feeling is growing and becoming overwhelmingly stronger. She picks herself up off the floor and plops up onto the bed staring back again at all the clothes around her. Just as she was about to pick up a towel, a song starts to play from the speakers and it causes her to whip her head straight towards the screen. The song is such a deeply emotional song she's hit in her stomach hard with her feelings of grief and sadness. The song is a reminder of her losing her sister earlier that year and the lyrics mirror every deep emotion she has ever associated with this loss. Uncontrollable sobbing pours out of her as her cries now sound like wails pleading to make the pain all go away. All she can think about is how much she misses her sister and how it was so unfair to lose her in such a way that it's taken all the enjoyment out of everything. Gathering herself back together as the crying starts to subside, she picks up another piece of clothing to fold and just stares at it. She feels the presence coming around her again. She can't describe it as only but a feeling on the inside knowing someone is there. Maybe it's an angel? She thinks, Or her sister? It's drawing her attention outside to look out the back window. She gets up from the bed and walks over to the window in wonder of what this feeling is trying to tell her. It's a strong, pulling feeling of a deep knowing, knowing that something wanted her attention. As she looks straight out into the backyard, sitting on the fence is a red cardinal. It hops around once or twice, almost as if to acknowledge it knows she's noticed it. And then another cardinal flies to meet up with it. She sees the differences in the birds one is bright red and the other is lightly colored the same color, a male and female! They dance around a couple of times and fly off. That was weird! She starts to question the feelings she has just received but decides to get back to her laundry. She laughs out loud as she thinks about how ridiculous it sounds for a bird to want to bring her peace. Just then, the two birds fly back to their exact place on the fence and look towards the window. "Oh my god!" She runs back over to the window feeling as if the birds seem to know she's there watching for them. The male then takes off and flies into the tree branch directly above the window, so close she can see each one of his markings and feathers. This is amazing! He is beautiful! Such a vibrant shade of red and black mixed together he was hard to miss. Inside she felt the most peaceful and loving feelings she had ever felt looking towards this creature. "Thank you." She said aloud to it. She smiled and knew what the bird meant. She knew then at that moment the message was clear it's sometimes the things that seem so small that make such a huge impact in our lives. She picked herself up with the strength the bird had given her within through the feelings of peace and love and she finished the laundry with a smile in her heart and a song in her voice. She knew her sister was watching over her, loving her more than she ever had.