Nemesis

“I didn't see you there,” I gather up the momentum to smile, fishing for the enthusiasm that I always showed whenever we met.

“Are you okay?” He raises his eyebrows.

“Ofcause I'm okay, it’s just nerves.”

“Are you nervous for me? You know that I am already a winner right?”

The arrogance in his voice makes me glad that I entered the contest, he needs something to humble him.

I suddenly feel the urge to pull out of the contest...As if that would be possible. Then I feel a surge of hope, that perhaps my name would not be the one that gets called.

Maybe they will just call his name,and I wouldn't have to tell him or to face what I did.

What did I do wrong again?

Oh!Going for a healthy competition against my friend or used to be my friend.

He was supposed to support me, and to encourage me to enter.

Theny heart drops as his situation registers in my mind again.

What if my name is the one that gets to be called? How would I face him?

But my name will not get called. There is absolutely no way. I did the report at the last minute.

Or perhaps he is just showing confidence and enthusiasm.

“I know that there is a high chance of you being a winner, but we'll never know.”

“Don't be negative, we both know I am thee winner.”

“I am just glad that I am going to receive this money. I am going to be free, at last.”

The smile reaches his eyes and I look away.

“Are you sure you are okay?” He asks in his usually genuine way, the soft voice and purest look that I have always known.

My guilt builds up. Waiting to explode, I drown myself in wine to extinguish it.

“I’m great.”

“Your energy doesn’t feel like the one that I am used to, you are acting strange.”

“You know, I feel guilty that you decided not to enter the contest. I feel like it is my fault.”

'Ofcause, I decided,' I say in my heart.

All those other participants from our company and other companies were just chance takers, which was the reason why he didn’t ask anyone else for this favour, just me. His friend.

He didn’t have to say it in many words, but he knew that that was exactly what he was requesting of me, to forfeit entering the competition, just so that he could get enough money to cover expenses that piled before him. After all, we were friends, and friends are supposed to do that for each other. Right?

I had always known that the prize was going to be ours mine or his, there has never been any in between.

He looks at me and smiles, I smile back, thinking about how his reaction is going to be when he discovers that this whole time, I have been fifty steps ahead of him.

Serves him right I suppose, for being the biggest backstabber.

I can’t help it however, as a little feeling of guilt ripples through me.

He doesn’t seem to be edgy and he doesn’t look guilty.

Maybe I should leave, incase my name is called. Hopefully, it won't. It can't be possible.

But I worked much harder at this research than any other before,to show him that he should never underestimate me.

I look at him and keep on shaking my head, sometimes hearing what he says and sometimes zoning out of the conversation.

“Are you okay?” He keeps on asking about every twenty minutes, but he still gets the same reply.

My intruding thoughts do their jobs to their best ability.

But if he was my friend, he was really my friend, he wouldn’t have made me pity him for everything, and in that way, he wouldn’t have made me decide to not enter this competition.

I did it out of spite ofcause, but that is not the point. I might not even win of cause, at least if he wins right now, he would appreciate it more, he would know that he deserves it and there was a little competition.

Perhaps I should have told him when I decided to enter, so that he would ensure that he worked harder. I had an unfair advantage.

I don’t understand why she even considered herself to be one of the best candidates.

The words continuously ring in my head.

His nerve! It absolutely didn’t need a psychic to know that they were talking about me.

Why would he speak to someone else in hushed voices when there was just the three of us?

What’s worse is that he is supposed to be my best friend, there was supposed to be no secrets between us.

For the first time, I notice all the traits in him that I have never noticed before, like his shallowness, arrogance, how he speaks to people sometimes and the way in which he gossips suddenly puts me off, and I wonder if all these have always been there, or if they have just surfaced.

My name gets called, he raises his eyebrows, and before we could both really register what is going on, I look away and my feet subconsciously carry me to the stage.

People murmur congratulations as I approach the stage and I nod in response.

I feel my heart banging on the door of my chest and making my ribcage rumble.

He is my friend,no matter what, I should have done better. He needs this more than me.I should've confronted him or asked him nicely. I should've talked to him. He is my friend.

He is my friend, and I would never discuss h with anyone in jushed voices. He knows that. Serves him right for pretending.

He is my frien, who is always available when I need him.

I wobble towards the stage, tripping a few times on the way. I turn and see all the faces of people looking at me, and completely appalled by the thundering sounds of hand clapping as they deafen me.

“This doesn’t look like the smile of someone who had just made one of the biggest breakthrough.” The presenter half jokes.

I scan the crowd a little, looking at the faces, avoiding the direction where there is a possibility that my eyes might meet his.

A question plants itself into my mind.

'What if he wasn’t talking about me?'