Please Stay

“Please don’t do it. Don’t leave and go off somewhere. I know your state of mind is not stable right now, and you are hurting, and your perception of things are the absolute worst right now. But the grass isn’t always greener. The grass is green where and what you make of it.

I fear that if you leave, you will end up on a bad path or worse. It may seem like the best thing to do right now…give up…to leave…but it could become unsafe and a path that could be difficult to come back from if you do at all.

I don’t mean to be a downer, but I know you and I am not saying you are stupid or anything like that…because you are not. I’m saying that you are trusting, and you have a huge heart, and I would hate to see anyone take advantage of you in any way because I love you so much.

If you stay, I will help you in everyway I can…we all will. We can help find you someone to talk to, we can help find you in-house treatment if that’s what makes you comfortable.

Don’t worry about how…we will make it happen. I don’t want you to worry about that, all I want you to focus on is getting better. You are and always have been a terrific person and I understand you aren’t used to feeling this way. With effort on your part, I have no doubt you can feel this way again.

It’s not going to be easy, but you have a great support system and I have every confidence you can heal and look towards a future. If you run away, you are running away from your problems and they aren’t going to go away, they will only follow you. The best way to deal with them is to face your problems and fears. You are stronger than you think you are. You can beat this.

Now I see the look on your face, you look so sad, and you doubt yourself. I understand why you would feel that way, I was there when we thought we lost you. I know things can be better but always remember that things can always be much worse.

Now I know it doesn’t seem fair and it isn’t, but life isn’t always fair. We all have various levels of situations in our lives and what is effective, what makes us stronger with each situation is how we manage them. Every situation is not the same so you can’t rely on the same tactics for everything.

Please don’t misunderstand me, I sound harsh, and it can be a rough climb up this mountain, and you are thinking that it’s impossible, but it’s not. It’s totally possible. I know you can do it…you are stronger than you realize, and we will be with you along the way. Baby steps. I know I said you are strong twice, but it’s true.

I have been doing all the talking and I want to hear from you. What you’re feeling, want you want to do to get well, what you want for your future? Yes, you can still have a productive life. Talk about anything you want and afterwards we will design a plan for you.

Don’t be embarrassed, I am not here to judge you. No one should judge anyone, no one is perfect, and everyone has demons, skeletons, and embarrassing issues in their lives, they just don’t announce them. People like to talk and point out all the good things in their lives making others feel like everything is perfect, but nothing is perfect. They have the bad with the good like everyone else does.”

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“Yeah, ok. I hear you yet I am skeptical. I find it hard to talk about myself, but I will give it a shot. I don’t know where to start because everything is garbled in my head and spinning like a pinwheel. I am devastated, and I can’t make sense of it. I was completely blindsided.

My accident nearly killed me, and my wife left me because of this wheelchair. It’s all too much to bare. So, I don’t see how I can get my life back. I don’t feel like me anymore.

Yes, the doctor said it’s possible I can walk again, yet it’s possible I won’t walk again. I have seen videos of people going through physical therapy who have lost their ability to walk again, I’m not as strong as they are. I feel it’s a waste of time for me to just find out in the end that PT isn’t working, and I’ll be in this chair for the rest of my life.

Because of this accident I lost the job that I loved. I don’t have money…I don’t have a wife and I don’t have a life.

You asked me what I want for my future…I want my old life back. I know that’s impossible. So, I ask you what kind of future can I have?

So, you plead for me not to leave but being around here has constant reminders of all the bad. Where was I going? Not sure, but I was just going. What was I going to do? Not sure. How was I going to get there, I thought I would go to San Francisco and ride my wheelchair down the hill until I get to the bottom. Yeah, not really, but that’s how I feel.

I don’t know what to do with all these things swirling on inside me. I feel restless, foggy, angry, and my chest tightens up making all this extremely uncomfortable. I lost hope when my wife left me.

How am I going to come back from all this? I was always skeptical about psychiatrist’s…they talk to you and then give you medicine to help you cope. He can’t possibly know what’s going on in my head and people believe this stuff. I am not sure about it. I don’t want to take meds and then feel like a zombie.”

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“The psychiatrist can help you. It’s not like you’re thinking. They care and they will help you. Please trust me. I have a friend who is a psychiatrist and I told him all about you and he will be glad to help. He works in a facility which is top notch for behavioral health. He pulled a few strings and got you a bed for when and if you decide to go down this path. I will be there the whole way. Many people have troubles like you do and who have come to terms with themselves and now they lead very productive and happy lives.

Please give it a chance.”

“Ok, I’ll give it a try…for you.”

“No, do it for yourself.”

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Six Months Later

         “Happy Anniversary! It has been a year ago today that you started on your journey to better health, happy life, and a great future. How do you Feel?”

         “I feel good. I still have a way to go, but I am glad you talked to me. I am understanding the process and I am not skeptical anymore. These doctors have a tough job trying to understand behavior in people and what’s going on inside their head and then put them on the road to recovery with much success. I have learned a lot this past year. There are few people who didn’t make it through, and that is sad, but many people are doing very well.

         I got a job I like, and I have been saving for when I get a place of my own. Wheelchair accessible. I am still doing physical therapy and although it’s a slow process, the doctors are hopeful. “

         “That’s terrific! I knew you could do it. I am so happy for you.”

         “Thank you. I owe it all to you.”

         “No, you owe yourself. It’s nice to see you smile again.”

                                                 The End