Psychic Meteorology.

Because I can or maybe it’s we can or I plural can.  It’s hard to explain cause it’s easy.  It’s so easy a dog could do it, but dogs can’t do it because dogs mirror humans and most humans can’t do it or, that’s wrong. Goddamn it, it’s easier to show you than explain it to you.  

    Let’s try it a different way. You can see auras, right?   You can’t.  I thought everyone could see auras.  Ok, well, feel by this table, can you feel that?   Really?  We’ll start by using divining rods.   Ok?   Go get your divining rods.  You don’t?   Who doesn’t have divining rods. . ?   Ok, you got any old metal hangers?  You got any old pens you don’t care about?   Good.  Go get them.  I’ll wait.  

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     We’re going to unwind the hangers like they did in the bad old days.   Where are you from?   Mars?  The bad old days were before Roe V Wade when they used hangers for abortions.  Yes, I know:   I don’t play bridge though, so I don’t know about trump.   

    Untangle and unscrew the pen.  It’s in the middle of most pens, top of of some. But, we’re going to take out the spring, and take out the white thing.   We’re going to do the same thing with the other pen.   Keep track of the first white thing or we’ll have to disassemble another pen.   Now take the other white thing out.   Good.  Put one white thing on the bottom of each hanger.  Good job.  Now, bend the tops of each hanger and hold the white parts while I walk towards you.  

    See, the hangers bent.  Now, look at the hangers and look at me.  Can you see it now?   A little?   Good.  People don’t go from preschool to graduate school in one day.  Now, put your hands around an imaginary ball in front of you.   Good.  Look at the energy between your hands.   What do you see?   Some electricity; that’s good. Now, put your hands by your heart.  What do you see?   Orange.   See, you’re experiencing fear or creativity.   Yes, you’re doing great.  You went from seeing nothing to seeing your aura.   I don’t know if you can.  Look at my aura.   What do you see or do you see anything.   You can’t?   Try.  I bet I can understand.  

     See, that makes sense to me.   Now put your hands back around the chi ball.  Oh, chi is . . . Look it up in a dictionary later.   Spelled C H I or QI.   Great Scrabble work, 

Q I.   But, move your closer hands together.  What do you feel?   Good.  Move them wider than you had them to start with.   What do you feel?   Now, bring them back to where you had them originally and say, “Nam Myo Ho Rang Gay Kyo:” a yang chant.   What do you feel?   Yes, I hear it, too.   We made it rain.   Now, put your hands in these bowls of water.   Because it clears the energy.   Now, say, “Om Nama Shivaya,” and feel joy and let’s see what happens.  There’s sun and no rain.  Oh, yea, anyone can do this anywhere.   People who are masters can make fog, hail, haboobs, all that stuff.   Right.  No, because if we did that we’d be fucking around with ecosystems, the government would order us/hire us to do this and it wouldn’t be our secrets.   Think about what they used to do to the witches.  Think about all the farmers who’d be angry with us.   Imagine people from deserts threatening us to go there.  Imagine being worshipped and then unworshipped if we couldn’t reproduce it 100% of the time.  We’re 90% affective, not 100%. 

    Christians would accuse of of using Satan’s powers to make this happen.   The press would destroy us.   Think how happy “The Farmer’s Almanac,” would be with us after their books go out of print.   Who needs an almanac when we have a rainmaker?   Oh, and what if it’s 70 degrees and they want it to be 80 degrees?   What if the MLB wants to make sure there are no more rainouts in the MLB.   Suppose a spoiled child want snow days for a month.  Should we give it to them?   How much money is worth losing inner peace?   $100?   $1,000,000.00.?   Does it matter?   Someone will always be upset with us somewhere no matter what the weather is.  

     And think of all the homeless meteorologists.   How will they feel about this?   How will these storm chasers respond?   They’ll sue us or kill us so they’ll still be needed.   Everyone wants to be wanted, but not too wanted.  Think of all the celebrities who can’t walk out their own doors with cameras everywhere.  Be happy experimenting with it as an occasional hobby.  

      No, you shouldn’t start a “Meet Up Group”.   “Mums the word,” but don’t tell your Mum either.   Just enjoy the feeling of the energy between your hands.  Go to your local library and look up chakras, meridians, Eastern Medicine, Qi/Chi, electric mediumship, auras, and check out other things in the 300’s.   Ask the librarian.   They’ll roll their eyes, but take you right there.  

    I can recommend some churches and communities, but don’t talk to anyone about this who hasn’t been going to these services for less than 10 years and never, ever talk to your Western Doctor or Psychiatrist about any of this or they’ll put you in the psyche ward.   You need support, talk to an Eastern Doctor, talk to a pastor at the church I’m sending you to, call me, say the yang chant, or go to Victoria Secret and buy a bra.  

      What else do I need to tell you?   Keep a meditation log.   Meditate every day at the same time and, if possible, at the same place.   Buy a student seance trumpet.  I’ll give you the number of someone I know, but make a meditation room where no light can get in.   Remember, light makes ectoplasm go back in your orifices quick and it hurts and no dumbass Western Doctors can help you.  Aspirin won’t do shit for you.  

     Also, start acupuncture and acupressure now.   Get into yoga.   Eat wholesome, organic, raw vegetables and fruit.  Only eat free range animals.  Wagyu or Kobe beef are best.   And bless the food before you eat it.  

     And, everything is energy.   At subatomic levels, we’re all moving.   The Universe is expanding and therefore we’re expanding.  The aliens are here, but at a different vibration.   We’ll meet them later, if you want, but they speak different than the dead.  

     No, I am sane.  And so are you.   There are aliens, there are Spirits we can communicate with (and I don’t mean alcohol), we can manipulate matter, change the weather, and tell the future and I haven’t lost it and neither have you.  Let’s just work on getting thunder in your chi ball and making rain.   You’re made of atoms and atoms have protons, neutrons, and electrons, and those are made of energy.  “Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, only enjoyed,” so let’s fuck around with it, but keep it secret.   A few typhoons never hurt anyone.