Mad in the Darkness of Love(backstory)

A/N: This was a collab with the lovely Akshara! Here's a link to her profile so you can read the first part of it!

https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/akshara/

*not related to the prompt*

I pulled out my key card from my back pocket humming to myself as I pushed my door open. “I've been broken by the Devil, justice is a waste of time. I won't get to heaven, why not raise a little Hell?” I sang quietly to myself as I pulled my half eaten sandwich out of the hotel fridge. My phone vibrated on the nightstand and I grabbed it, pulling the comforter over my legs. 

“Hello darling, how are you?” I asked, taking a bite of my sandwich, the stale bread making it challenging to chew as I waited for a response. 

“Beatrice, love, are you there?” 

Beatrice cleared her throat, or maybe it was static. Then there was a loud exhale. 

“Babe I think we need to talk.”

“What’s u- one second.” I said, my phone vibrating. I took it away from my ear and my heart picked up. 

“Bea, can I call you back tomorrow? I’m getting a call from the casting director.”

“Uh, yeah, I guess.” Beatrice didn't sound sure of herself but I had to push my worries away as I picked up the call from the casting director.

“Hello, is this Alex Zion?” 

“Yes sir, it is.” I responded, trying to shove down my excitement and sound confident.

“Hi Alex, this is Matthew Tyler, the casting director for Bonnie and Clyde on Broadway and I’ve called to let you know you’ve been casted as Clyde.”

The phone slipped out of my hands and I held my chest with one hand, scrambling to pick the phone up with the other.

“You will get an email tonight with the rest of the details, but I wanted to call you personally to give you the good news.”

I beamed, nodding my head before realizing I had to talk over the phone to acknowledge him. 

“Thank you so much, I’m very excited to be able to portray this role.” 

“I will see you early Friday morning for the read through. I suggest you familiarize yourself with the lines and score.”

“I will, thank you.” 

Matthew Tyler hung up and I threw my phone across the room onto the other bed and squealed. My heart raced as I grabbed my computer and logged into my email. There it was, an email from the director of Bonnie and Clyde addressed directly to me. There was no way this was actually happening. It couldn't be happening.

 I spent the rest of the night reading through the script over and over again until I fell asleep, head pressed into my keyboard. 

I slapped my alarm off and swung my legs out of the covers, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. 

“I’m going to be a Broadway actor.” I said to myself, then said it again, making sure it stuck in my brain. I stuffed my things into my suitcase and rolled it out of the hotel, leaving my key on the counter. I hailed a taxi and called Bea once I was situated. Three rings went through before voicemail and I waited for the beep.

“Darling you won't believe the news I have, call me back as soon as possible!”

I pushed my phone back into my jacket pocket and stared out the window, knowing I would be back in New York in just a few days. 

I pulled my bags into the apartment a few hours later, calling for Beatrice. 

“Bea?” 

“In the kitchen,” she called back. I left my bags in the foyer, confused at the slight shake in Bea’s voice. I found her in the kitchen seated in one of the chairs around our round little table, hiding her face in her arms. I sat down next to her and put my arm on her back. 

“Hey love, are you alright?” 

Bea moved out of my reach and picked up her head, her dark brown hair frizzy as ever and framing her tear stained face. 

“Darling, what’s wrong?” 

Bea let out a breath and rubbed her eyes shaking her head, “God, Alex I’m sorry, but I don't think this is working.” 

I stopped mid breath and furrowed my brows together, rubbing my forehead. 

“I- Bea, what-”

“I’m sorry Alex, it just doesn't feel right to be together anymore.” 

I nodded, letting a few tears roll down my cheeks.

“I respect your decision, Bea. I hope you know I loved you more than you could ever know.”

I stood up, ignoring Bea’s calls as she tried to get me to sit back down and slammed the door shut.

I drove with the windows open, letting the wind hit my cheeks, hoping it would shove away all of the salty tears that stung my eyes. 

I parked and hopped out of the car, walking into the tall, eerie, hospital. 

I peeked through the window of my mothers door before quietly pushing it open.

“Hi mom,” I said, sitting next to her on the edge of her bed. She reached a shaky hand up to my face and bopped my nose, smiling weakly. 

“Hello, Lexy. How is showbiz going?” 

I smiled, taking a napkin from the bedside table and wiping a bit of drool that dribbled out of the corner of her mouth. 

“It’s going great mom. I just got the lead role in a musical on Broadway. Which means I won’t see you for long periods of time, but I’ll call as much as I can.” As I said the words out loud they really hurt. My mom grabbed my hand and tried to hold it, and I kept her hand steady as it shook. Her eyelids drooped and her smile faded a little. 

“It’s ok, Lexy. I’ll be ready to go soon. We both know that.” I swallowed back prickling tears and nodded, knowing it was the truth. She had lived with ALS for longer than most people and the doctors knew it was getting worse. She always told me to be grateful for how long we’d had. And I did. I tried to be grateful for all the visits I had gotten with her, for the jobs I was fortunate enough to have so I could pay for her hospital bills. I had a lot to be grateful for, but it still seemed unfair that she was leaving soon. 

“I’m sleepy, Lexy, I’m gonna take a nap.” 

I let her hand slip out of my grip and kissed her forehead. 

“I love you mom.” I whispered as her breathing got heavier. It felt as if my heart ripped and shattered more and more with every step I took farther away from her hospital bed until it was scattered around town with little pieces poking at my insides and there was a burning sensation inside of me. I drove to the nearby McDonalds and ordered a frappuccino, hoping it would work as a pick me up. 

“Your total is $3.39.” I handed my card over to the person in the window and watched as they swiped it once, twice, three times before handing it back to me. 

“I’m sorry, sir, your card was declined. Do you have another card?” 

I shook my head, pulling out a crumpled $5 bill from my pocket. He handed back my change and my drink and I thanked him, pulling out of the parking lot. As I drove back home I flipped my credit card over in one of my hands and turned the Bonnie and Clyde soundtrack on shuffle.  

“With that bullet you shot him and you shot me. Clyde how stupid can you be.” I sang along as I pulled up to a stop light and quickly pulled up the Bank of America app on my phone. I opened my account and my eyes went wide. 

“What the-” I pursed my lips, closing and opening the app again but the balance stayed the same. $0.00. 

“God, what is happening?” Panic shot up in my throat and I fumbled around with my phone, pausing my music. 

“I swear to God,” I mumbled as a thought came into my head. 

I pressed my foot hard into the gas as soon as the light turned green and got home as soon as possible. I ran up the steps and threw the apartment door open but Bea’s stuff was already gone. 

“No, no, no, no.” 

I ran into our room to find her clothes, shoes, everything she owned, packed up and gone. 

I pulled out my phone and called Bea, waiting for her to pick up. 

“I thought you didn't want to talk?” She said coolly, finally picking up. 

I sat on the bed and bit the inside of my cheek to control my anger. 

“Give me my goddamn money back.”

“I don't know what you’re talking about,” she responded sweetly. 

“I know you took it and I need it back Beatrice. I don't know what I did to you but this is not how you get revenge.” 

“Are you sure? You seem pretty mad and I’m pretty sure that’s how revenge works. Took you long enough to find out.”

“God, you exhaust me! What the hell, Bea? Why are you doing this?” I yelled at the phone, my hands shaking. 

“Because you always leave me Alex! You leave me high and dry at home every single time you leave so if you don’t care about me why should I care about you?”

“I was following my dreams! God, you’re an idiot!”

“Says the guy with no money. Go follow your dreams back to New York, I’m sure you’ll make a bunch of money there.” She said in a mocking voice. 

I sucked in a shaky breath and gripped the phone tightly, “You don't understand. I need that money.”

“Why? So you can act like some big, hot shot actor? Just let your mother die already, Alex! You’re wasting your precious money. She’s holding on by a thread.” She spat. 

I screamed into the phone, sobs escaping as I gasped for a breath. 

“I hate you!” I screamed, my voice going raw.

“How could you say that?” I asked, and Beatrice laughed. 

“How could I say what? The truth?” 

I took a sharp inhale, more sharp pieces of my heart stabbing at my lungs. 

“Goodbye Beatrice.”

Except it wasn't goodbye. Not yet. Just a few more hours. I grabbed my keys off of the nightstand and plugged in my destination into the GPS. 10 minutes away. 

A wave of anger and betrayal covered me and I felt bullet proof. Nothing was going to shoot me down. I was the one with the gun. 

I pulled up to Beatrice’s parents house and used my elbow to shatter the window. I crawled through, my elbow dripping with blood. As I walked through the halls of the house it was like an out of body experience. I knew I was walking around and I could feel the glass breaking around my arm, yet I had no control over my thoughts. They were silent, but determined. There was no switching my decision. 

“Beatrice,” I called and continued to prowl around the house. Bea emerged from one of the rooms and her eyes grew wide as she threw her hands up at the sight of me and backed into a nearby wall. 

“Hello, love.” I sneered. 

“Alex wh- what are you doing here?”

“Oh, I thought it’d be easier to talk in person.” I smiled at Beatrice’s fear as her hands shook. Oh how the tables had turned. 

“I forgot to tell you, didn't get the chance before you tore me apart. I got a part in Bonnie & Clyde.” 

Beatrice nodded as tears silently dripped off her chin and onto the floor. 

“Th-that’s great, Alex.” 

“Mhm, I was so excited. And you know, there’s this one song in the musical and it has this little part that I’m particularly fond of.” I wiped some blood off my elbow and locked eyes with Beatrice. 

“By tonight it will be over. When I strike the fatal blow. No way out, I gotta do this.” I sighed, “Don't you just love that, darling?” 

Beatrice choked on her own words and I rubbed my thumb over the cold metal in my hand. 

“You know why I love it? Because it feels so awfully true. After you’re used for three years and one of the only people you loved tells you that the other person you love so dearly is about to die, you just have to strike the fatal blow.” I cocked the gun and smiled at Beatrice, pushing down on the trigger. She screamed, grabbing her leg and falling to the floor. A laugh slipped out from my lips as she clutched her knee, looking up at me with red, bloodshot eyes. 

“Is this how revenge works? I don't think I’m familiar, but you should know. You’ve been perfecting your revenge tactics for 3 years, haven't you? All because I’ve been traveling to New York to reach my dreams?” I crouched down next to her and pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. 

Beatrice’s eyes darted between me and the gun as I cocked it again with a shaky hand. Beatrice tried to scoot farther away from me, curled up in a little ball.

“You know what I feel right now, watching you bleed and in so much pain? Nothing.” I spat the last word at her. 

“Because no matter what you say to fix it and slap a bandaid on it, I know how you truly feel. You see me and my mother as just two suitcases that you’re lugging around. But don't you ever forget that the money inside those suitcases? Mine. It’s my money,” I said, jabbing a finger at my chest. 

“Alex, I’m sorry, ok? You can have your goddamn money back.”

I shook my head, standing up. 

“You see, Beatrice, that’s the thing about you. Everything you do is about you. It’s all for your benefit. You’re not giving me my money back because you feel bad for me and my dying mom. You’re giving my money back because I have the gun and you’re the one bleeding out on the floor with no one to call for help.” 

“I said I’ll give it back.” She cried out and I fired at her other leg to shut her up and she screamed in agony, falling onto her side. 

“Why are you doing this, Alex?” 

I squatted next to her and met her eyes, “It’s called method acting, sweetie.” 

I stood up and aimed straight at her head. 

“Goodbye, Beatrice. Forever this time.” And I pulled the trigger without hesitation. Beatrice slumped against the wall, her blood stained hands falling from her knees. 

Broadway will come again another day, I thought as I pulled out my phone. 

I dialed 911 with shaky hands and grabbed one of Beatrice’s cold, limp hands. 

“Help, please.” I said through the phone. 

“Can you tell me what’s going on?” 

“It feels like the world is crashing. I feel like I can't control my thoughts.” The unsaid words that I hoped the operator was getting were left in the air. 

“What happened?”

“My-My girlfriend killed herself and, and I think I’m going insane.”