I (Think) I Loved Once

June 14th, 2953

So I don’t actually know what we’re doing here? According to the captain, this is meant to be a routine checkup on one of the satellites that Empire sent into orbit. I HATE missions like these. I’m one of the best cyberwarfare specialists in the Takarada Cluster and they send me to do tech support!? Total waste. At least I’m getting paid in basically a frigate’s worth of credits. You can hate em all you want, Empire credits spend easy and come easier. Plus, you basically get a space cruise. They call them Voyager vessels, but it’s totally just a retrofitted Wayfarer they used to use for colony tourism back in the day. I don’t like going off-world, but if I gotta, do it on an Empire frigate. Feels like a corpo business cruise.

June 16th, 2953

Okay, so it’s becoming clearer now! Which is awesome. Captain Triska, that’s her name. She says we’re going to decomm the satellite. Makes more sense why I’m here now. Decomming an Empire satellite? Which shouldn’t be too hard. Empire security is notorious, if the rumors are true. Shouldn’t be SUPER DUPER hard for me to noodle on. Once I’m in, that really should be that. This is probably something my subroutines can deal with. Whatever, I guess. (Galbi for dinner? Do we ask out the captain to dinner? She’s hot, right? Those scars! >//<)

June 18th, 2953

YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE!!! SHE ASKED ME!!

So I guess she’s into super cool technomancers with killer prosthetics. Or she knows something I don’t. Either way, super iga! I’m hoping she can tell me more about the satellite and what I have to do. Rules are ‘need-to-know’ but now that I know she’s into me, maybe I can press her buttons to get s’more out! (Get s’mores when we get back!) Like why would Empire wanna decomm a satellite? Aren’t they just virtual intelligence hubs? Like I didn’t know they had functions in there that were good enough to decomm the thing? Maybe it’s a security deal, maybe it’s a leak? We’ll see~! [DON’T FORGET TO BACKUP YOUR COGNITIVE STACK! WE HAVEN’T SINCE THE LAST GIG! THAT’S LIKE SIX MONTHS WE’RE SITTING ON]

June 19th, 2953

Bue! Buue!!

She asked me out because she totally does have a thing for cool technomancers with killer prosthetics. Really though, it’s the prosthetics part, I guess! She’s a total gearhead! Which is fine and hot or whatever. Idk babe I’m RIGHT HERE! NOTICE EVEN A LITTLE? And I wasn’t like…So I wasn’t thirsty, but I wasn’t subtle? Whatever. I did get some new information about the satellite! So apparently Empire wants to decomm the thing because it offers service to a spot on the ground that they’re currently not seeing eye-to-eye with. And as a result, they just wanna make it so they can’t turn on their Empire tech. So petty, but I kinda love it? Still doesn’t explain why someone of my caliber? Not to brag, but I don’t come cheap for this sort of gig. Like I'm off-world, that’s already a hundred thousand credits to START? I’m gonna assume it’s an ‘in-house’ kinda deal. Someone’s covering up someone’s naughty play. You see this sorta stuff a lot in the messier corps. Guess it’s just what’s meant to be. (I asked her out again. We’re still some days out from the satellite and this cruiser’s pretty nice! Maybe on the second time she’ll get the hint? I’m bringing out my giant killing smile!)

[Backed up this morning! Out of storage. Buy an upgrade? Or ditch a sona maybe, idk]

June 20th, 2953

I do not like how good she is, i’ll be honest! XD

So I didn’t make a move yet, shut up! But I did last night while I was doing adjustments on my suites just sorta…hover around her? I wasn’t stalking exactly! Got to meet some of the other crew on the op too. Really cheaped on everything but the tech, huh? Empire always passing the saving onto you, right? Ha! But she saw me, we eye-locked. She blushed, I pretended I wasn’t. Some light chatter on what I thought about custom prosthesis took place, and if I was into full-dive stuff? Which is admittedly retro of her, cute! Probably more work stuff. I won’t sit on that, I think. She’s got a great pair of hands though. Her fingers are really good, I can tell by how she types. Kiss the keys, never punch. Hot. I bet she’s a great tuner. She also smells great. Kinda like joint lubricant and sunny rainwater. I am totes gonna be her girlfriend. Like…Yeah, I think I want that.

June 21st, 2953

YEAH SHE GOT IT THAT TIME! THIRD DATE LOCKED THE FUCK IN!

She called the second thing a date, I can call it a date. Her first name’s Juri! How cute! I did not get more info out of her that’s mission important but I did learn more about her! Turns out we have a ton in common, love that. She’s also pure-mixed? Her birthing mom was a spacer and her donor mom was Terra. My dad’s from Terra, but same diff. She’s also got some pretty nice kit, I’ll admit. She said she built her leg herself! That’s so iga…I wonder if she’d make me an arm after this? I always wanted a bespoke piece, y’know? It feels more important to trim down my attachments to corp limbs, y’know? And the weirdest one? Huge into retro anime! Like that almost never happens! We talked Solo Leveling and Chainsaw Man arcs like grannies! XD Such a good time. Thinking of taking her on a dive for the third? Maybe she’d like old Tokyo!

June 23rd, 2953

Is it still hooking up if it was in a full dive of 2020’s era Tokyo? Like is it still real if while you’re living out what someone called a lifetime fantasy and in that lifetime fantasy they said totally unprompted ‘I think I love you, Mii.’? Does THAT still fucking count!?!? I said yes. She hasn’t said anything. So that RULES. Must be someone’s wife. Ugh, whatever. Job’s tomorrow. I don’t have the bandwidth for this. I’m gonna just sort of hope that this all goes the way I think it will. Do the job, make sure I don’t get fried messing with the security. Get paid and get the hell out of here. I…Ahh, I’m not bothered! I’m just like…I wanna understand is all. What the hell did you want to do then? It’s not like you don’t have RADICAL FUCKING CONSENT or anything. Whatever, if you just wanted to get off you coulda told me. And why would you apologize!? You know what you did. Tch!

June 24th, 2953

So I think…Well, I guess she’s just figuring stuff out. Valid. Writing before the op because it seems smart. Like if I boot up back home or something, I wanna remember that…I should really just give her space, even if I remember us super hitting it off? That’s maybe for the best. I don’t…Ugh. Just follow your gut, okay? Back here, we whiffed somewhere. Maybe got a little too vulnerable. Maybe came on a little too heavy, I don’t…I don’t know exactly when I backed up the stack? But I can’t do it again, so it had to be recent. I…Want to beg for an outcome, but I don’t know what I want. Not like it matters. It’s a decomm job, I couldn’t be in less danger. Maybe we can just talk it out after. We talked a bunch. About a bunch of stuff. I…Thought she liked me. I still think…I still want her to like me. And I bet she will! I just…I’m sad, but I think I’m just nervous. We got this. We’ll be okay.

June 31st, 2953

I did not do a good job, I’m told. Or rather, the job didn’t go well? I’m on an Empire colony though, so that’s easier. Not super sure where I was in the order. Only that I was in the incident. I can’t say for sure what I missed…But that I’m missing anything at all is a problem. The story is that everything was pretty iga til it wasn’t. They did just wanna decomm it to be petty. That’s the corp for you. But once we got up there, I guess stuff went totally off-book. I have new non-fun holes in me, so I guess it went bad in the worst way. BUT HEY EMPIRE PAID! So that’s always iga. And we should be under natural gravity again soon. That’s always good for the soul. Gonna try and get more intel. See what I missed. I can’t stop running my finger over the plasma hole though. It’s warmer than the rest of me. Wonder if that lasts long. This isn’t my first time going dark, but it’s the first time I wasn’t expecting it. Bizarre.

June 32nd, 2953

So I went to talk to the captain first. We’re gonna lead with that. She’s weird, I guess? But like not the kind of weird I get. She apologized for misleading me, saying that she didn’t mean to give the wrong impression. I didn’t know what that was about? But I kinda bullied past it to get to the meat! Like she’s super cute, but I have holes in me! We can flirt later! I should have said that, shoot! So anyway, I guess one of the people on the job was a Bot, can you believe that!? And he had like no implants. Goes to show you how much the AI can play with our meat parts if we’re not careful. His goal was to plug his overlord into the satellite, and he popped all of us to do it! Which…I mean damn, who’da seen a gun!? That’s crazy. I guess the secAI eventually found us? But yeah, that happened. One more demon on the loose, nbd. Not all of us had cog stacks, sadly. Happens when you cheap out on the non-essentials in your staffing. Captain was being crazy weird though! Like, it was just this really misplaced sort of pleading at first? Girlie, we JUST met. But I do like the super forward tough girl energy. She must be the sort who likes the push and pull, because she gave me NOTHING last time I tried. I guess dying will do that to you. But she’s Empire, right? Couldn’t have been her first time. Apparently we only lost one of the Hunters, but they were full chrome. Probably backed up at home.

June 33rd, 2953

So I read back~! We definitely need to upgrade to an auto back-up. Like I know it’s a little more pricey, but it’s probably worth it. Jeez…I spent like a cycle maybe falling in love? What if that was it? Oof…Heh…What if that was it? Like, starstruck lovers meeting on a routine mission that goes totally off-book. Fall in love in the wildness. That’s SO iga. But…That Mii is dead, I guess. I think? I didn’t…Do all that stuff with her. I didn’t have that conversation. I don’t remember what I didn’t write. So…I don’t know. I don’t know. I do not know. I can’t know! This is an unknowable thing! This is insane even! What could you expect anyone to do in a situation like this!? HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS!? THIS IS CLEARLY A NIGHTMARE! I WAS IN LOVE FOR A WHOLE CYCLE AND NOW IT’S GONE!? YOU’RE FUCKING KIDDING ME!

June 34th, 2953

That hole must have been where I had been keeping my hope for something better.

Just zero me now, I don’t care anymore.

June 35th, 2953

I…Can’t. It’s too weird. I slept on it and tried to make sense of it. I woke up and I felt that synthskin wrapped thigh on my stomach last night. That…That never happened in flesh. That’s how they slept in the dive…There’s no cheating this. Slick as I am, it’s kinda just what it is. But at the same time, I don’t know…That girl she knew is dead, she should probably know about that. Not that it will stir anything, I’m sure. No one’s ever as into me as I think they are. I’ll go let her know one day. Seems weird to take the time to go back and do it now. ‘Hey, that girl you kinda hooked up with maybe is sorta dead.’ It’s a hard conversation to have, and I don’t wanna have it. Is she owed that? Maybe, idk. If she comes looking for it, I’ll hand it over. But she hasn’t reached out, and I don’t think it’s my place to. Like I feel like the person least involved somehow. I don’t know what…What that means, really. I wrote the message like twenty times. I just can’t…I don’t know. It doesn’t feel like my place. I don’t wanna make it my place. Sorry, Juri. You’ll forget the manic technomancer hookup eventually. Besides, even if she wanted something out of you, I don’t.

[Got that upgrade. Auto-backups at the start of every cycle. Did end up ditching the militech sona though. Not that I was using it.]