Tue, Sep 5, 9:00 PM (7 days ago).
Even though she didn't think it was possible, there it was in her inbox: the message that broke her in so many ways.
Listen up, the way you write stinks. Every chance I get, I make fun of them. You're an idiot. The only thing I like about you is that you worship me, so do that again. I can't take any more of your stupid nonsense.
It wasn't so much that he moved on; people come and go, it was the way he did it that was brutal.
The message came across as immature because it was told like a five-year-old. Its mean-spirited goal was to hurt her deeply. There was a lot of stress in the air.
But these were not what made her who she was. She thought maybe people from the busy streets of Compton who, because of their unique situations, found this way of life bearable and even admirable. No matter what they showed the world, they were still the same at their core. No matter how well they dressed, their real nature was always just below the surface.
So it was. It was a sad truth that weighed heavily on his heart, because he knew, deep down, that the sad reality that was happening in front of him was also true. He was sitting by himself, his tired eyes fixed on the amber liquid in his glass.
The weight of his actions hung heavy in the air, but the intoxicating allure of the booze whispered promises of forgiveness. With each sip, the lines between right and wrong became fuzzy, and morals became less clear. Even though he was drunk, he found comfort in his thoughts. His voice was full of defiance, and there was a hint of disobedience in what he said.
He got into her life by pretending to be a friend who was very interested in the writing. At that moment, he let her into his life and invited her to discover the depths of who he was. She never, not even for a split second, thought that he wasn't being honest. She had no idea that she had met the true definition of a clever jerk. As they say, "the real deal."
As the sun started to set behind the rough hills of the mountainous landscape, he found himself driving on the winding roads of the South. The road turned and turned, and his mind wandered. He thought about how big the universe was and how everything was linked. The solitude of the mountains seemed to make him want to connect with people even more. It was as if the tall peaks were quietly telling him to bring strangers together.
They talked through the ethereal realm of the phone and the digital realm of email. He called her number over and over again. They always discussed their shared love of writing short stories seriously. Each worked hard at what they did and knew how important it was to tell a good story.
It's hard to believe that a few well-placed words on a page can do so much damage to a person. She had made a deal with a man but had given the Starbucks cards to Satan. She was the fool. He probably laughed all the way to his Mocha Cappuccinos.
In the world of people, there is a strange group of people who have the nerve to say hurtful things while pretending to be Christian. Such beings show how deep moral contradictions can go in the human soul.
The sound of the hit echoed through the air, and it was louder and more painful than any other sting. It had a sneaky quality like it was wrapped in the very spirit of evil, like the old scrolls that Satan himself wrote.
In the long past of humanity, it has been seen that difficult times often lead to the most profound insights into the nature of life. She found herself in the grips of a vile and disgusting vortex of evil.
She never dreamt adults could behave so badly. She learned well. It was never to happen again to her, since now she knew what it looked like.
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16 comments
Hey Lily, I was drawn to this story of yours because of the fun title but quickly realized it was far from comedy. I'm gathering from the creative nonfiction genre that this story represents your own experience and for that, I am so sorry! Solely from my Reedsy/discord interactions with you, I know that you have a kind and encouraging spirit and a genuine desire to learn and grow in regard to your writing. And I hate that someone tried to crush that. Thanks for making Reedsy a better place! -Aeris
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Thank you, Aeris. You are very kind. I appreciate you and your encouragement. LF6
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Lily, this voice, this narration, I have to say it's one of your strongest. I sense a personal aspect behind this that's adding iron to its spine. I hope though, if this has basis in truth that you don't let nasty people taint who you are or your work. It's easy to criticize, it's better to offer solutions, those who are straight up negative are usually speaking of themselves. The bully affect. Regardless I loved this story, and there is some brilliant prose in here but this line in particular is darkly beautiful - The weight of his action...
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Thanks, Kevin. I think the voice is my strongest too. It is solid. So thank you for reading and commenting. It was a story that came out of truthful elements. That was my favourite line too. LF6
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Whoa! This is so different than most of your pieces, Lily. It feels personal. I understand critiquing, but I don't get gratuitous meanness. I suppose some people do it to make themselves feel better, though God knows how they could feel good about tearing someone down. I think you have a typo in your title. Should it read as "Starbucks"? I'm guessing something like this happened to you since you have the creative non-fiction tag. If so, I'm appalled. The only consolation I can offer is that there are many on this site that know you, and ...
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Hi Del, yes this one is a lot different. Very personal indeed. Yes. I am happy to receive criticism but words that are like you say are "Gratuitous meanness," just don't work for me on any level. Thanks for picking up on the typo. D'uh. LOL, I felt every bit of these words for about three days. Appalled was one word that came to mind. The sad part is that many of us here know this is not how things are done. I'm guessing that the guy who wrote this about me knows it too, deep down. But the damage is done. Thanks for the vote of confide...
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Lord! I hope it wasn't someone I also thought of as a friend, since many comment on both of our tales. It's a sick world, my friend. Sigh.
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It could be. I haven't kept track of who comments on both of our stories. But now I will take a look and see for sure. LF6
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Wow! I recently quit a FB group of some of the most toxic, gleefully abusive writers I’ve ever encountered. They seemed to delight in destroying brand new writers, and my old bully triggers kicked in. These pompous and insecure trolls can erase a person’s self-confidence and hopes, and by using the prompt so brilliantly, you portrayed them for what they are at root. What I love about Reedsy — we’re family and help build skill, confidence, and hope. Great job!
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The wonders of how people do things and treat others never cease to amaze me. The gall of it all. That must have been terrible for you. Yes, although some of the people here on Reedsy could easily fall into the person I described above. LF6
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They didn’t go after me too badly, but they torched me good after I suggested they treat budding writers like humans. Everybody started somewhere, and they’ve forgotten that. I was beginning to hate writing, so I bailed. I’m sorry if you’re encountering this here. You are a lovely person, and you’ve kept me powered up to KEEP writing.
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Hi Martin, thanks for sharing. I cannot believe some people. I feel like I'm fine now. I am so glad that you have kept powered up because of something I have done. That made my day. LF6
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I have four books of Mike Dodge stories on Amazon, and a fifth to come, ALL because I discovered Reedsy almost two years ago, and got such kind feedback from you and my other friends here. I’m 64, and would probably never resumed writing without you all.
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That is awesome. LF6
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This is soooo deep. Lots of lovely turns of phrase. I did get confused in places as you seemed to switch between narrators, sometimes he, sometimes her. But the raw core of the story came through. Nothing worse than being deceived by someone and then hurt by them afterwards out of meanness. Hope this isn't a true story!
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Hi Derrick, this story is sad but true. LF6 Every word. I'll go back and take a look at the narrators. Thank you for reading and commenting.
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