One of the hardest things to overcome is to fight of what her heart feels, especially if this is in love with a man who cannot give it in return. It's been a while that she never writes It's been a while that she is busy with her job and busy fighting for her love to a stranger who never even says hello to her. "Why you give time to that person? Why you keep on thinking about him? That's already an obsession! As what I've been telling her when she opens up to me her heartaches.
She's working on site as a call center agent. The reality is real. People keep on talking about some agents who have affairs to their co-agents or supervisors. It seems like their job itself is accompanied or associated with longings for someone within the vicinity. Most probably because of the "stress" from the irate customers? She keeps on talking and resolving her customers' issues but she cannot fix her own. Sometimes she has to stand up from her office chair like a child if it's not queueing for this reason: she wants to look for that someone who keeps her mind and heart alive. A funny stuff and very mind depressing too. It seems that she's waiting for someone who never comes and passes through her eyes.
"Gosh, you are not a teenager anymore you're an adult who absolutely knows the pros and cons." I message her thru zoom. He is already taken!What's the use of your love? What's the sense of your love if you hurt his family. Aren't you afraid of karma? You have to ask sometimes your heart why of all the men in this world why him? Why it never chooses to someone who is free and has no commitment? How can you tell him your feelings eventhough it's a no no to say "I Love You" to a man first? How can you overcome this if your heart keeps on pushing you to tell him even if you will just be snubbed and shamed? I am so tired of you my friend!There's a lot of single men out there please! She never replies instead she just stares at me standing afar from her orange bay.
She tries to carry her pen and her caterpillar notes in our days off so she can write how she feels instead of enjoying ourselves malling or unwinding ourselves with a food trip.Her eyes get wet because of the unstoppable tears that are like drops of rain which she cannot command not to fall. I'm just watching her with my teary- eyed while preparing our dinner. So pity on her.I murmur to myself that love really makes people crazy.
She has a lot of plans and one of those is to write a novel so she has remembrance of her epic fail love for a man who cannot be loved and in loved with her at all. How can she put her feelings into words when she cannot even stroke her pen. She's almost numb and helpless. My role is only to tap her shoulders and say that everything will be good too soon. That everything will be forgotten too. Yes, she's a writer, but she cannot even write about how she feels. Even the letters that she jots down seem telling her that she never tells the truth in her words. She keeps on hurting herself.Her emotions have a lot of words to say, but she interrupts it all with her weird thoughts. "Tell him that you love him atleast he knows how you feel but no that is the craziest stuff you've ever done!" I am getting crazy also because I don't know how to lessen her pain. " So, what shall I do?" She asks me. I become mute and it's like my lips are sealed because of the hesitation, because of the words that supposedly to be tenderly spoken to my pal never come out from my mouth. I realize how hard to be a friend whose heart is blind to see the fact of what she feels that is far from reality. That it is a forbidden love.
She tells me that she has second thoughts to tell him what's inside her heart eventhough subconciously she feels as well the mutual understanding through his body language. Yeahh, they never talk, even if they see each other in the corridor they can't even say a single word. Sometimes she intends and wants to ask him if he is also a mute same as her but her tongue is tied up.
I always pray that God has to give her strength to fight for a love that is called one sided love. It is so hurtful yet it helps her to move on slowly for her self-love. Little by little, she will realize that not everything she thinks and feels will come true because in everything that people are doing has always consequences. "Just be yourself and hang on there."I hug her tightly. "The time will come that the man of your dreams just goes to you -hugs you and loves you. Who knows maybe that man is also the same man who you've been wanting to pass by in the middle of your bay. While embracing my friend I whisper her these: shout his name-tell the wind that you love him so much-tell the wind that you've been inlove with him for almost two years and you never even know the exact date or day if when was that started. Your fate maybe somehow ends with pain,but you know to yourself that this will give you a lesson to urge your heart to choose if who's gonna be the right person at the right time next time. Somehow, then you can tell that you are free from that mind- blowing and so painful in a way that you don't know him personally yet." She hugs me tightly and suddenly she wants me to change my dress and get my handbag. "We will be having our dinner outside." What? I exclaim. Yeahh, from now on I have to love myself first . I don't want to hurt myself anymore. I know that somewhere and somehow I can find the right person who will love me the same without any commitments at all. She hugs me more while her tears drop on my face. I am crying too because I've been there and I know to myself that it's not easy to overcome. I know how it feels...