* Might contain some sexual Reference*

A Very Long Story

I was smoking a cigarette. I noticed a man walking towards me. He was smiling and happy. I quickly scanned my brain. He embraced me warmly.

: It's been a while, I finally said.

: You still working out?

:: I never work out, I hate it.

: That's right, ever since that…

He smiled again. I still couldn’t figure out who he was.

:: You ok, he said.

Relieved, I said: Yes. Hoping he might reveille who he was.

:: You don't remember, do you?

: Of course, I said. "From way back."

: Right. I took one more drag from my cigarette and put it out on the bench. I stood up.

:: How's that apartment of yours, he smiled.

That got me stiff. I've been living a mostly solitary life. I was renting an apartment outside downtown, and it was my own. The apartment itself wasn't big or fancy, a small two- room with a kitchen and living room. The bathroom is new, a small sink and a shower with a big mirror. The kitchen was a thin stretch with a big sink and cabinets and a refrigerator. I loved the coziness. I had to take the bus in the afternoon to work, but the line was frequent enough.

I must have seen him lately, I was thinking. I moved in not long ago. My life was chaotic now. My girl dumped me, and I had to leave our flat we were sharing together.

To make things worse, I discovered she cheated me. Not the way your thinking, but she never meant to "make the jump" with me. I was forever to be a go to guy because, well I was there for her. Talking about my apartment got me mad. It reminded me of her.

:: I have your attention, he said.

:

After all I said about her, she is fresh in my mind. I give her respect of ending the relationship. I would have let it last forever.

I was unhappy in the relationship; I felt suffocated. I needed some space. We had our lives. We also had a shared circle of friends. She didn't like staying in one place for long. Not able to commit to one job for more than a few months. She had only a sister who lived 10 hours away. So all the love and affection was never there. She made me feel lucky with my family and friends. That my friends were her friends. I felt taken for granted.

I wasn't perfect. I suppose I may have my point made, I did look down on her. That one time I finally met her sister and kids was a accident.

: So happy to finally meet you.

:: My sister never has the time, you understand.

( Maybe it's a family thing I thought)

Besides my close family, I let her have her way. She insisted on spending the weekends with me and my family, because she had no family. That said, She is funny and sexy. The weight of five years with her coming back. I drew another one from the pack.

: I remember you. I saw her walking with you on occasions.

:: On occasions.

: I don't mind anymore.

My mind is racing. My blood is hot now. I was shaking in my hands. Her picture came to mind. We were laying in bed. I liked it because then nothing came to mind, just the two of us. I didn't mind the silence between us. She would often play some music and let me share her headphones with her. Her body slim but her breast firm. I could feel her under her long t-shirt. Don't be so sad, I thought to myself. She is happier now, and let it go.

: How long do you walk; I was trying to force myself to relax.

:: Once a week, for one hour.

: My regards, and I turned and walked back in the store.

What if we are making a mistake, that we don't have to change anything. That's exactly what you're doing. It's the world that's changing. Coming to a mutual understanding for the first time in my life. The road ahead is still unknown and scary. So many questions are still unanswered. Some foolish remarks made by me come to mind. Some awkward questions. I was following my dad's footsteps. Why did it feel so wrong?

My friends are not in contact anymore. Sometimes I still see my- ex. I ignore her. I know I'm a worthless man with no soul. She dumped me and I act not in anger but the opposite. I act like I never saw it coming. I was countering her action, perhaps for the last time. We both pushed. It felt the connection between us finally broken after so many years. I never asked her side of the story. She might never tell me.

As I finally wrap my day and head home, I fall in some deep thinking.

I wonder. The pushing and pulling I referred to.

It's now June 15, 2025. I share my work store with many mutual friends of ours. I've adapted an appetite for work. I've been very angry lately. I think I deserve a medal. I have acted like a normal grownup man. I still look my parents in the eye. I want to reach out to many of like me, men and women. Please, take every day carefully. We always take a active role in our family. Our family is a source of pride to us. It's also a source of creativity and fun. While we might take upon ourselves to grind it to the next day, we also decide to " Go down with our Ship". Every step we deny ourselves, is a step that won't come back. I don't pretend to understand you or preach, I myself have pushed and pushed for five years, The lesson I do would start planning the next step.

If I quote my Dad: "You're as good as your next trick".

Besides my dad playing a great card player, he is a man of few words. To me it's irrelevant who and why my dad is who he is, He's the most smart person I ever know.

With that, I will always put myself before my family.