The Kissing Practice

She was at it like mad in front of the mighty mirror in her room kissing herself. She had been at it that way for two years now since she turned 16 and now at 18 the age of consent, the culture is her other enemy.

"Why can't these people ever evolve like the westerners?" That line had been her annoyance expression line for the past two years now the knowledge of the other sex has occupied her thought as its number one sole occupayer.

Funny enough, when she is among the humans of the opposite sex, she went into a kind of expression hibernation mood. Over here, good marriage she was told is what comes to girls that behave themselves. So behave, she have been into.

She doesn't even need to be told that much for she hears it being told to others far back before she even began thinking of the opposite sex. But as the saying here goes, vains or is it fibers knows the boundary once it's in the driving seat. Funny enough, she had wondered while younger how some can't behave themselves till they get married. Some people are just plain wayward. She used to conclude on seeing that Ngozi that lived three houses away from them dress at times and laugh like a maniac to nothing in the midst of young guys, some of them without a job to feed themselves let alone another mouth but now she is not all that sure who the crazy one here is.

Is it Ngozi that is expressing her feelings without caring shit what anyone is saying or her dying in silence hoping for a husband she is not sure is on his way in two years time. When will all these practices be put into use? 

She sighed heavily and went back to her self education waiting for the lucky man that will enter their family asking for her hand in marriage.  "I will not only give my hand and heart, i will give my mouth too." She burst out into heavy laughter, got hold of herself as she heard footsteps heading her way. She was still wondering where that heavy L came from when her door flew open. 

Her younger sister burst into the room looking around and seeing no one with her. After eyeing her questionable for few minutes said:

"That girl living across the street they call aunty rose, story had it it was how her madness started little by little before it morphed into what it's today. Laughing alone just like you have been doing for months now"

"Hey, respect yourself. Are you calling me a mad woman or are praying for one to befall me or what?"

"Woman, or a girl?- whichever, you better organize yourself, you have been losing it for months now. So, it's advice from one who cares. I don't notice laughter alone, I have heard soliloquies a lot also. I hope you know what i mean"

" You have heard soliloquies too, emm. And what is that one supposed to mean?"

" Talking to yourself and answering, that's what it is supposed to mean. Being alone and speaking out,muttering to yourself alone"

Now, Ebere is eager to know her other shortcomings for she has noticed without being reminded that she slips most of the times once she gets lost in her romantic fantasy and bad enough, at times she speaks out in public before recovering and pretending it was intentional. So, she intentionally engaged her concerned sister she knew will soon jump into the same boat she is in, at least in a year's time. Good enough she has not spied her educating herself in front of the mirror on the skills of kissing since no available male mouth is around, mirror will have to do the work for now till that unfortunate HE walks through their door. The images got the better of er once again and she cracked up once more and said.

" So, that is all you have heard and seen," she asked pretending to be serious hoping her sister would vomit her known other slips  but none came again. No need of telling her off, for she might run and never come back. Better to keep busybodies like her at hand for they play their positive parts without knowing it.

 The girl eyed Ebere again, shook her head in pity and went away. But Ebere has overgrown this level of admonition. She is even surprised that she still has perfect control of herself somehow when in public somehow. Her problem is when inside her room alone and reading those borrowed magazines full of lovers. This Valentine, she has even gone a step further in buying herself a gift, a medium size cake and flowers, written her name and address and asked the baker to send it to her house that fateful day at a particular time. She had done her math and knew when all her family would be around and asked the woman to send someone with it to the address she supplied. 

That idea came from her friends in school and she had always pretended that something like that was below her standing. She doesn't even engage in such talk, but all had been pretension at its best from her. She enjoys such talks and whenever no teacher is in front of them and they start that kind of talk, she always intentionally escapes to her books or copy notes while all her ears are focused on the ideas flowing all around her. She was recording all and this year, she had decided to try one of them, buying a gift to herself pretending it came from one mysterious prince charming that exists only in her imagination.

What this one move tends to accomplish, she doesn't even know but she had picked it out of hundreds flowing around her in the class to see its effect on the family. 

Not actually that she doesn't have admirers, she does, but they are all those guys that everything goes in their book. She has decided from day one that she isn't one of those girls and won't be counted where they are counted by who is doing the counting. Not that their attention if permitted will do any harm but culture dictates that you feel above such standing by street corners and talking bullshit and laughing with a boy that before he gets his bearing as a man in this world, you have three kids already. 

She has been observing and seeing that Africans always marry a girl ten years younger. That is culture and it's not for any other reasons but economics. Before a boy you went to school will balance as a man, after schooling, it takes years and you have gotten married and move in the circle of males not the age of the same boy you were messing around with before. So, better not mix with any in a serious way outside how are you today? To avoid future bullshit. 

 The valentine arrived and she knew she was supposed to at least junket to one of the those happening places lovers gather in the city but she has experience of that too. At times you will go with the intention of sitting with some friend and entertain yourselves only for some males feeling he is wise or able will approach and direct events away from the route you are in and spin it out away into nonsense. You will never fail to notice that some of them don't even know when their presence isn't needed or when they are being dismissed. They will sit there talking rubbish and laughing at their own jokes more than any other person that you can't fail to notice it's a crammed line from some movies or novels he was reeling out. 

The morning of this valentine day is normal, nothing indicates that love is in the air. It was getting around ten when her orders arrived. She had intentionally gone into her room pretending to be busy reading while her ears were on the arrival of the messenger. Knowing that her sister will rush to call her once the delivery guy appears, it came to pass as she plotted it. 

What she did not anticipate was the reaction from her parents. The mother and siblings invaded her room trying to know who the mysterious Freddy is. The tag on the cake indicated it came from this Freddy guy without returning address. "Who is he?" The mother had asked with a kind of smiling pestering her face she knew was meant to extract information. 

  " These guys that import everything from Asia to Africa I saw at the bank five months ago. He disturbed a lot that i handed my numbers and address just to have my Peace

Of mind" She did her math and added " I even heard from a friend that he has those foreign wives in foreign land and wants another in Nigeria" she was not even through with what she was saying and her mother interjected "No, i don't like those foreign based guys. You see what happened to Mazi Okeke's daughter? I don't want that kind of story in this family" Ebere smirked and knew that some of her friends' parents would not care if you have twenty foreign wives as long as their daughter is the wife here and you are wealthy. 

She eyed her mum and muttered something only her heard. "Rose, cut the cake and share it to everyone" she told her sister.

She cut her piece and went back to her room to see through her gig of the day as her siblings descended on the cake.