I, woman

Woman looked at Man and they wept together. I, woman told man that he, man, was good. I, woman told man that he, man was beautiful. Man looked at me, woman and smiled. Man said I, woman was as beautiful as the moon. He, man said I, woman was luminescent. Man shrugged shoulders when I, woman suggested more. Man took my, woman’s hand and led me, woman to the door. Man said I, woman was good, but not good enough. Man said I, woman was clingy. Man said I, woman was too much. I, woman, cried when he, man shut the door. I, woman, fell on my, woman’s knees because, I, woman feel too much. I, woman cry too much. I, woman expect too much. He, man never opened the door. He, man, heard me, woman weep, but, he, man said, I, woman was too much. I, woman left man and found another. He, man, told me, woman I, woman was as beautiful as the sun. Man told me, woman, I, woman was radiant, an energy undivided. Man, too, shrugged shoulders when I, woman suggested more. Man, he just like man, him. I, woman cried. I, woman expected too much. I, woman am too much. I, woman need to lower my, woman’s standards.

I, woman walked down the street. He, man, saw me, woman, undressed me, woman with his, man’s, eyes. I, woman kept walking. I, woman he, man said, need to smile more. I, woman he, man said, could at least say hi back. I, woman was scared because, he, man told me to lower my standards because I, woman expect too much because I, woman feel too much so why should I, woman  expect man, he to be better than man, him. I, woman walk fast at night. I, woman talk slow at first. I, woman am used to being talked over. I, woman am used to being followed home. I, woman walked into the nearest cafe, because he, man was following me, woman. And I woman didn’t want, he, man to know where, I, woman lies at night. Vulnerable and afraid. I, woman didn’t want to expect less when I, woman am already expected to expect less. I, woman was scared, so I, woman bought a coffee when I , woman really just wanted to be home. I, woman drank the coffee until he, man left. 

Her, woman, gave me, woman a knowing smile. Her, woman, leaned over the counter and whispered to me, woman, “Are you okay.” I, woman, nodded and looked over my, woman’s shoulder at him, man. Woman leaning over counter eyed him, man and nodded back at me, woman. 

I, woman was taught to look over my, woman’s shoulder. I, woman was taught to be wary because he, man was sometimes scary. Old man protect me, woman. But he, old man, is not always there to protect, so I, woman must learn to be wary. 

I, woman told him, man no but he, man, did not listen. He, man said I, woman wanted it. He, man said I, woman was a tease. They, man, woman, say I, woman was asking for it because I, woman was wearing something less than, something low cut, skirt too short. But, I, woman still get looks when I, woman wear sweatpants, I, woman wear baggy t-shirts so he, man doesn’t get tempted, doesn’t get the wrong message, but he, man still follows me, woman home. I, woman scream, but he, man bit my, woman’s lip, told me, woman to be quiet because I, woman talk too much. I, woman wanted this otherwise why would I, woman walk that way, talk that way, look that way at him, man. Otherwise why would I, woman, breath in his, man’s presence. Why would I, woman exist when he, man looks at me.  I, woman wanted him, man. He, man said, I, woman wanted it, he, man could tell from the way, I, woman looked at him, man. I, woman knew what I, woman was doing when I, woman walked that way, shaking my, woman’s hips side to side. Because, I, woman walk for man. I, woman exist for man. I, woman breath for man. So when he, man, told me, woman I, woman was beautiful, I, woman smiled and I, woman felt good because he, man acknowledged me, woman. Because I, woman expect less so I, woman, feel good when he, man exceeds my, woman’s standards, when he, man does the bare minimum. I, woman should be happy, he, man looks at me. I, woman should be thankful that he, man wants me, woman because I, woman should want him, man.

But when I, woman suggest more, he, man shrugs his, man’s shoulders. He, man, laughs, he, man leaves me, woman half undressed in the dark alley way, because I, woman was not enough. I, woman, gave everything my, woman’s body could, but I, woman was still not enough for him, man. My, woman’s body, felt wrong in his, man’s arms as he stroked me, woman and told me, woman, I, woman was beautiful. I, woman told him, man, no and he, man told me, woman,  I, woman was just a tease. 

So I, woman walked faster at night. So I, woman avoided going out at night. So, I, woman took a cab instead of walking so he, man, wouldn’t have the chance to follow, me, woman home. I woman must be wary. So I, woman tread carefully, always looking over my, woman’s shoulder for he, man to make sure he, man was not following me, woman. I woman walked three blocks out of my, woman’s way so he, man would not know where I, woman lie at night. He, man came up to me, woman and said I, woman was beautiful. I, woman smiled and said thank you because I, woman should be thankful that he, man saw me, woman that way. But when he, man continued to follow me, woman as I, woman walked away, I woman, was being rude. I, woman who had walked far out of my, woman’s way, was being rude. He, man said he, man really had to go, but he, man would love to continue this conversation sometime again. He, man reached for my, woman’s phone and asked for my, woman’s number. I, woman told him, man  I, woman didn’t feel comfortable giving a stranger my, woman’s number and he, man was insulted because he, man was no longer a stranger to me, woman since he, man followed me, woman home. He, man knew me, woman like friends because he, man said so. Because he, man followed me home, because he, man wanted to.

I, woman lock the door at night. I, woman close the blinds. I, woman jump at any strange sounds. I, woman walk around my apartment at night with a baseball bat. I, woman, sleep with a baseball bat beside my, woman’s bed. I, woman sleep with a fork under my, woman’s pillow, in case I, woman need to defend myself, woman from him, man. I, woman am weaker so I, woman need to be prepared. He, man should protect woman, old man said. But not always. Lots of men, don’t protect. Lots of men take advantage of me, woman’s weakness. So I, woman sleep with one eye open.