New Year's Day

      I walked onto the boardwalk with my little lunchbox and sat on the frigid bench. This is where it all started on New Year’s Day ten years ago. The weather was pretty much identical to what it was today. The biting wind coming off the brutally rough ocean, the waves thundering with a silvery tint against the frozen sand. The ominous gray and white sky held back the snow for just a little longer.

           Ten years ago, we ran into each other while both running from something else. We made small talk while trying to gauge just how much we were willing to share with a frozen stranger on a boardwalk on New Year’s Day. At least we both knew right from the start we were both far from perfect.

           The conversation and laughter between our combined misfortune kept us from feeling how cold we really were. It was our rumbling stomachs which shook us back to reality. With the boardwalk closed for the winter, and even the most colorful stands looking gray and drab, we decided on a small Italian restaurant a short drive away.

           We sat and continued to get to know each other, even though it already felt like we did. I ordered a grilled chicken hero with roasted peppers and fresh mozzarella, and she had a sausage and pepper hero. Both were horrible. They tasted old and lacked seasoning. We shared each other’s because we couldn’t believe they could be this bad. At least the Coke was cold.

           She scoffed at me when I told her that I could do much better. She practically dared me to make her dinner that night, a challenge I gladly accepted.

           When she arrived, she was dressed casually but pretty. She was impressed with the dinner I prepared; she really wasn’t expecting much and I was more than willing to show off what I had learned in culinary school for her.

           I think we were both nervous, unsure of where we wanted that night to go. In the end, we decided over a great meal, fine wine and a lot of laughs to be friends. And on that New Year’s night, we were able to escape the reasons we ran into each other in the first place and start a special relationship which saw us together for either breakfast, lunch or dinner at least twice a week.

           She helped me start my catering business at every level. Menu development, tastings, picking vendors, everything. In return, I let her use my business to start her graphic design business and it was very beneficial for us both. The exposure her artwork received as my business took off was obscene and we were both busy from the start.

           Our friendship continued to grow closer. When we weren’t eating or talking business, we were trying to help each other understand the opposite sex and what we seemed to be doing wrong as we were unable to hold a relationship. Part may have been potential suitors not being completely comfortable with our relationship—we were just always there for each other and everyone knew it.

           Why didn’t we try with each other? The million-dollar question. Fear mostly. We had such a great friendship we both were afraid that going any further would put everything else in jeopardy. Don’t get me wrong, there were many times where we were tempted. And with great restraint, we just didn’t do it.

           The one tradition we did keep was New Year’s Day. Even if we were in a relationship and not together, we always met on the bench on the boardwalk at ten o’clock. We’d sit close, usually she’d lean into me and rest her head on my shoulder. And even though we were usually freezing, and whatever else was going on in our respective worlds that was clouding our thoughts, for that brief time everything was okay. And then we would go eat very bad Italian food.

           And then year nine happened. I was under an extreme amount of pressure with the business, and I was looking for a change, I know she’d also been under a lot of stress with a big campaign her business was running. We had both started small and were doing what we loved. Unfortunately, when you were very good at what you did, you grew quickly and sometimes had to make sacrifices you never would have had in the beginning. The result is we both grew much bigger and faster than we were prepared to and the product we were putting out wasn’t what we wanted. We were both doing very well financially, but neither one of us was very happy with where we stood.

           Things between us had become tense, I wanted more. New Year’s Eve saw us at the same party and we both had dates. I really wasn’t interested in mine, she was nice and all, but I wanted Ariella, I didn’t care about the possible disaster that awaited us anymore. We had been everything to each other except lovers for nine years, I felt it was worth the risk. I know she sensed it, and it concerned her. Her date sensed the tension as well and he was becoming a little too possessive for my taste.

           As midnight struck, we stood facing each other. We kissed. For the first time it wasn’t that friendly kiss we’d shared a thousand times. There was feeling and passion. We both felt it and didn’t want it to end.

           “What the fuck? You’re my date and you are making out with Chef BoyAr Dee? This is bullshit you cock tease,” her date said not so subtly.

           My date stood staring also not happy with the situation.

           He grabbed Ariella by the arm and yanked her away from me. She didn’t like it, but it infuriated me. I may have been in the wrong, but you don’t manhandle a woman—ever.

           “What? “You want a piece of this Pillsbury,” he said puffing out his chest.

           It was over in a second. I hit him and he was out before he hit the floor. I turned and walked out without saying a word to anyone. I went and parked near the boardwalk and slept until the sun woke me. I stayed in my car replaying the events of the night before in my head.

I wasn’t even sure she would show and honestly, I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t.

           At around ten minutes to ten, I walked up to the bench. The weather was actually milder than normal. It wasn’t terrible sitting there. I closed my eyes and waited. When I heard the car door, I felt butterflies. When she sat next to me, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Did she hate me? Did she love me? Was she angry? Did she appreciate me standing up for her? All this was going through my head, yet she gave me nothing. She didn’t lean against me, no small talk, nothing.

I wished she would say something.

           “I’m hungry, let’s go eat,” was all she gave me.

           We pulled our cars into the lot, but the restaurant was closed. We walked up to the door and could tell it was out of business. We both got in her car.

           “You gave him a concussion you know,” she said.

           “I don’t care. I don’t like the way he grabbed you.”

           “So, you knock him out? I could have handled him. I didn’t need your protection.”

           But I could tell by the way she said it that she was grateful but not ready to tell me that for some reason.

           “And that kiss?” she asked.

           “That wasn’t just me. That was both of us,” I said. “But I would do it again in a second.”

           She said nothing.

           “After all this time, we both felt it. I love you. I always have. And I am willing to risk everything for you,” I said.

           I wish I knew at that time just how prophetic those words would be.

           She slowly started removing her clothes without saying a word. I removed mine as well and right there in that parking lot we made love. It wasn’t beautiful nor graceful. It was tight and awkward, but it was still special to me. But when we finished, it wasn’t blissful or loving like I had hoped. She covered herself slightly.

           “Please get out of my car.”

           I looked at her confused. But she wouldn’t look at me and started getting dressed. I was half dressed when I left her car and returned to mine. She drove off in a hurry and I sat dazed and really unsure what had just happened. Did we finally cross that line and was there no coming back from it? I guess time would tell. I stared at the empty restaurant and decided that it was time to make much needed changes to my life.

           I sold my catering business for quite a profit, and I used the money to begin my next venture. I didn’t hear from Ariella, nor did I try to reach out. I figured whatever the issue was, hopefully she’d figure it out and we could start all over. I didn’t count on it though. I spent much of the next year trying to move on with my life. I had a new concept, and I knew with my reputation that I would do well, I wasn’t worried. It did suck though not having the person I counted on for so much of my life, emotionally and professionally. I fought the temptation to reach out to people within our inner circle to get information and I wondered if she was having the same feelings.

           New Year’s Eve came, and I was alone with a bottle of champagne putting the finishing touches on my new life. I had a couch in my office, and I went to bed before midnight. I woke up the next morning and made two sandwiches, packed them with two drinks and drove to the boardwalk. I had a strong feeling that I would be here alone, eating the sandwiches and wondering about the what ifs.

           I walked onto the boardwalk with my little lunchbox and sat on the frigid bench. This is where it all started on New Year’s Day ten years ago. The weather was pretty much identical to what it was today. The biting wind coming off the brutally rough ocean, the waves thundering with a silvery tint against the frozen sand. The ominous gray and white sky held back the snow for just a little longer.

           Ten o’clock came and went and I felt a sense of emptiness. The final consequence of last year now weighed heavily upon me. But after today, there would be no more time, and I would put this behind me and never look back.

           It was around ten thirty when I heard a car door. I wasn’t sure and I held my breath. But I felt the butterflies and then I could smell her body wash. She sat next to me, and I turned to look at her. She gave me a weak smile and leaned into me.

           “I didn’t think you were coming. I thought I had ruined everything between us,” I said.

           She took a deep breath. “I wasn’t sure if I was coming. I’ve been going back and forth for the last week trying to decide what to do. What happened wasn’t only your fault.”

           We sat staring at each other for a while, neither of us quite sure where to start.

           “What’s in the bag?” she asked, noticing my little lunchbox.

           “I wasn’t sure if you’d be hungry if you did show up, but I packed a little food just in case,” I said.

           “You know me too well, of course I’m hungry.”

           I unzipped the bag and handed her a Coke. Then I handed her half of a sausage and pepper sandwich. She smiled as she unwrapped it. I pulled out another Coke and unwrapped half a grilled chicken, roasted pepper and fresh mozzarella sandwich. I watched her take a bite of the sandwich.

           “This is delicious. Everything tastes so fresh. Even the bread is really fresh. For all those years we came here and ate those terrible sandwiches like it was a good tradition,” she said with a laugh. “Do I get the other half of yours?”

           I finished chewing and smiled. “Of course you do.”

           I pulled the sandwich out and gave it to her and she promptly opened it and took a bite.

           “Wow, this is ridiculous. The chicken has so much flavor and I love the glaze on it. This food is really special.”

           I smiled at her. She always loved my food. I realized what I had been fighting to admit for the last year. I loved her, I always had. And I missed her. I really missed her. And even though I kept himself insanely busy in order to achieve my next goal, I claimed it was to keep her out of my head, when in fact everything I was doing was for her and to win her heart.

           “You okay? You’re spacing a little on me.”

           I smiled. “I’ve never been better. Come take a ride with me.”

           “Are you sure? Last time we were in a car together, things didn’t go too well.”

           “I’m pretty sure that we’ll be fine,” I said smiling.

           He had piqued her curiosity, and she missed that about him. The fact was she missed everything about him and in all honesty, it was mostly her fault.

They got into his car, and she stopped him from driving for a minute,

           “I’m sorry,” she said.

           “You don’t…”

           “Please, let me finish. All you did was stick up for me, something no one had ever done. I was mad at myself because I knew that asshole was like that, and I put myself in that position. That and the kiss rattled me. It was something I’d always wanted but thought if we took that step, we’d ruin everything. I was afraid but I was also grateful, only I didn’t realize until after I messed things up. I have no idea why I did what I did in the car that day. Part of me hoped it would be like the kiss and spark something. But part of me was intent on sabotaging it so that it couldn’t work between us, and you would still only be my friend. But the minute we did it, I knew I ruined everything and was ashamed.”

           “I was very confused and angry. And I regretted the car the minute we finished, and you told me to leave. You drove away and I was very upset and decided I needed to make some changes in my life and that included you,” I said.

           “I was confused when I left my house that morning. I should have just cancelled. When we finished, I knew things were never going to be the same. When you didn’t reach out to me, I was selfish and spiteful. When you sold your business, I was surprised and wanted to reach out, but didn’t know how.”

           “I hoped you did reach out, but I wasn’t waiting. I had a new project that I was working on, and it consumed me. I will say though, you did inspire it.”

           “I did?” she asked.

           “You did. It was me combining everything I love.”

           And before she could say anything, he was pulling into the parking lot of the restaurant. She looked around at the new and spotless parking lot. The clean and shiny windows and with all the new cosmetic work done on the building, it looked brand new. Then she looked at the new sign announcing the name of this new establishment.

           “Are you kidding me?”

           The sign was in red neon script. “Ariella’s,”

           “I love cooking. I love food. And I love you.”

           Her heart melted. She couldn’t believe after what she had done, he still loved her and would name his new restaurant after her. She would do whatever he needed to make up for everything.

           “Grand opening is tomorrow. And I could use a counter girl to help me out,” I said with a smile.

           “I’ll take it. And I promise, I will never let you down again.”

           “And you know where we’ll be eating every New Year’s Day,” I said as I leaned in and kissed her.

           And this time when they took their clothes of in the car, the result was very, very different.