Self-love

It's dark at the bottom of the sea, and it's cold.

It's quiet, and it's scary.

She wanted to reach above water, to reach the sound of a lively place full of light and laughter, and warmth.

Anna thought of herself as an average girl, she didn't feel unique or special and she was fine with that. Grew up in a town on a small Mediterranean island, and she loved spending her teenage summers free-diving in the sea. She had her first crushes, and her first heartbreaks in that town, always surrounded by water. When she became an adult, she moved to the biggest city she could go to, far away from that place, but somehow, the sea always stayed within her.

She always imagined someone sitting across the table from her, smiling at her and touching her hand softly with support. She wanted to feel safe and loved by someone. This is what she wanted.

Anna had many failed relationships in the past, the most recent one being Kira, which didn't end well - but then which one did? Anna couldn't stop wearing goggles distorting reality, no matter the red flags, she preferred to hold on to "believing the good in people" as she said it, until it was too much for her. Before Kira was Mark, she mentally created a chain of the names and people that crossed over her path for a bit or for longer. These invisible chains had the same designer and same pattern, and like a bad dream kept repeating one way or another.

Now, laying awake at the darkest hour before dawn, Anna was staring at the ceiling, blaming herself, and her thoughts thrashing her from the inside out, like a cruel torturer. She grabbed her phone and started scrolling on social media to distract herself, with the torturer still being on the background.

Anna got a message from Mark "Are you awake?"

For a second she just stared at the phone shaken, she didn't believe that this would happen.

"No", she texted back while secretly wishing for a reply. Resisting to text him more, she left the phone on the small table next to her for a minute.

Then the phone started ringing. It was him. She knew what he would say, she knew how she would react, she would easily go back, but then leave again for the same reason. She had seen this play in her mind a thousand times, in reality, more than a couple of times. She sighed out a breath of exhaustion. But going back meant comfort, even fake, even for a while. He would be once again her painkiller, and she would love and hate him for that.

His photo was on the calling screen, and the phone was still ringing, but it was like time was slowing down, while her emotions and thoughts were racing.

To reply or not reply? To press that button or not? She was calculating the scenarios and watching them play out like a silent cinema.

For the first seconds, she was frozen like a deer in front of car lights.

Then she sat up on her bed, her back supported by her pillow, and clapped her hands in front of her. As the sound woke her up, Anna pressed the Decline Call button and then blocked him, from everywhere.

She would start a new page. It was scary but she was really doing it.

She really needed to take care of herself, right now and from now on.

It's dark at the bottom of the sea, it's cold and lonely.

Inside the sea might feel also scary to some extent, but then she remembered how peaceful it was when she was actually diving. It was like a meditation for her, it was relaxing and felt good.

She took a deep breath, and she felt her emerging from the water, relieved, free, and rebirthed.

According to the myth, Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love and beauty, emerged from the water when she was born. She and Aries were the parents of Eros, Deimos, and Phovos. The first one, Eros, the winged god of romantic love, everybody knows, no surprises there. But the other two are rarely mentioned: Deimos is the god of terror, and Phovos is the god of fear, the two brothers together symbolize the concept of fear.

Fear is connected to love, and it is okay to be scared, but then you have to do the right thing, Anna told herself.

It's time she took care of herself and control of her life. It's time she started seeing what's beautiful in herself, inside out, believing in herself, and loving herself. This is what she needed.

That was the beginning of her real journey.

As the morning rays of sunlight were touching the floor of her room, she felt an optimistic warmth, and she felt strong. She got up from the bed and walked to the window. The star of Aphrodite, the morning star, was still in the sky.

"I can do this", Anna told herself.

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Okay, so I didn't make it to 1000 words, so I am just filling in my commentary after the story:

This story came to mind with the V-day coming up, I think it's good to remember to love ourselves. Self-love is so underrated, especially when you look at movies and books, with the boy-meets-girl trope. I wanted to go in the other direction, of self-meets-self.

Learning and caring about our well-being is quite important.

The way we talk to ourselves, what we say, how we say it, the decisions we make, would we treat a good friend like that?

Let's start treating ourselves as our best friend, it's always been there for us, and it's going to be until the end :)

Make yourself laugh, eat nice food, do things that you enjoy, or just chill and read a book, you get the point

In my humble opinion, romantic love is optional, but self-love is a must.

Now let's see, does this make for 1k words?

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