Sonny

"Lost time is never found again"

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WEEP*WEEP*WEEP*WEEP*WEEP*

Sonny swung his closest arm with numb hand attached towards the offending sound.

--swiiiing annnd miss---

WEEP*WEEP*WEEP*

With another missed attempt, his useless hand knocked the glass with his dentures in it to the floor.

DODDAMIT he barked through gummed mouth...

WEEP*WEEP*WEEP

"DODDAMMIT - VERNA!!!? Det in here and thop that thupid ......"

WEEP * WEE --

Iverna stuck her head in the door and hit the snooze before he could finish his sentence.

She ducked down and picked up his teeth from the floor, depositing them back into the glass, mopping up the bedside stand that stood just inside the door.

As he was struggling together with his sleeping arm to sit up in bed, she said "I tell ya Sonny, you should really lay off all the goddamit's. One day the Good Lord's going to tire of it and grant you your wish."

He grunted and volleyed, "Well if my doddam arm wathn't tho doddam old, I'd have leth to tomplain about."

"Your arm's no older than the rest of you Sonny" Iverna pointed out with a sigh. Then added "Except for these old nasty teeth of yours. They're younger by no less than 30 years. I don't know why you insist on keeping them in this crusty old glass with water. You knock it over more mornings then you don't."

He grunted and grumbled then hocked an old man cough getting himself to a sitting position while shaking his sleeping arm back awake and reaching for his watch from the nightstand drawer. The watch, a relic of days gone by, shared space in a ratty beat-up woven something-or-other with cuff links, change and a medal from 'the good ol days' alongside a lottery ticket crushed and faded, and a few receipts from some forgotten purchases at a J.C Penny's that closed shop a good 15 years before.

He mumbled and grumbled things to himself with only a toothless 'doddam' audible every few seconds while struggling to get it on. Without a word, she grabbed his arm and snapped the watch into place. Then, setting his denture cup back on the stand, she offered an arm to pull him up, which he begrudgingly grabbed. Then together, they stood him right. Once he had his tripod cane in hand (.."I don't need no effing walker...") he steadied himself and she grabbed his diaper ripping it at the seams then depositing it into the bin in the corner.

When she reached for his ratty stained vneck tshirt, he shook her off with huff - "Whad am I? A baby?" he grumbled and started his shuffle towards the bathroom. She vollied, "....says the man through gums after having his diaper changed..." and followed him into the next room.

She paused in the doorway for him to cross the 5 feet to the "his" sink, then slipped in behind the "hers" sink that had been there unused for 43 years to wash his teeth, then left them on the counter.

She pointed to them, and shook her head when she saw he wasn't looking. After a pause she addressed his back as he struggled out of his tshirt holding on to one of the rails his sons added to the wall for him 10 years ago on one of the rare/extinct visits they were there together; the older from across the ocean and the younger from the other coast. When the ripped neck of the shirt got hung on his watch, she almost tried to help, but opted instead to let him work it out alone. She shook her head again and observed "What in heaven's name does a man almost 100 years old need with an alarm clock and a watch anyway? You should still be sleeping. The birds aren't even up yet."

She shrugged after she'd asked and left the bathroom, his "IN MY DAY, women didn't athk tho many quethionth!!" trailing toxicly behind her. She called back over her shoulder "IN YOUR DAY, women were dragged into the cave by their hair..." and he called something else through his gummed angry mouth, but she was halfway to the kitchen and did what she always did when Sonny pricked her nerves with his negativity and vitriol.. She sang over top of his words. She sang loud with a deep soulful voice; always some song or other that had the word sun in it. "SUNSHINE ON MY SHOULLLLLLDER MAKES ME HAP PEEEE!" she chose this morning with great emphasis on HAPPY as she left him to his business.

She slipped into the kitchen and fed Tommy the cat, giving him pets as she put food in the bowl. Then picking him when he rubbed against her leg, she smiled face to face with him. She nose-booped him and set him down as she continued humming the song.

Suddenly a loud call from the bathroom "VERNA!!!! GODDAMIT, no toilet paper!??!"

Every time he left the I from the beginning of her name, she had to count backwards from 10 ... She was sure he did it just to aggravate her.

"It's EYE-VERNA you old poke! And there's a roll right there next to the....."

"WELL HOW COULD I KNOW THAT GODDAMIT" he interrupted.

She looked to the sky and silently begged for strength. "..if you want him sweet Lord Jesus, take him. Or forgive me what I wish for him"

She broke into "HERE COMES THE SUN -DOO DOO DOO DOO...." over whatever complaints he was yelling.

Well, at least he'd managed to get his teeth in and finished up on the toilet, she sighed. One more day.

Most mornings, she'd wait with baited breath until he came out of the bathroom. Listening intently as the shower turned on, and as things dropped and he cussed and then - SQUEEK -water off. Another breath. Then, 30 minutes later the door opening and him shuffling down the hall grumbling. During that bathroom hour every morning she'd listen intently - half hoping and half scared that she'd hear the Big Thump she always waited to hear.

She had to give it to the old goat. He was sturdy, determined and strong, though mean and inconsiderate as Cuss.

----

As she started getting breakfast together, she thought back on the questions she'd asked him about the watch and the alarm clock.

She knew the answer to both. She'd asked them many times in her 18 year stint as his caregiver. The alarm clock was because "Early to bed early to rise makes a man healthy wealthy and wise" (two out of three ain't bad, she'd say to herself). And the watch, though he'd never admit it outright, was because it was from his eldest son who'd heard "Lost time is never found again" on repeat his entire life. Sonny didn't see the irony of the gift sent to him in the mail for his 65th because his son simply did not have time for him and his endless barrage of harrassments anymore. It was water proof and expensive, and had the quote engraved on the back.

Sonny wore it every day, living his day by it. First thing on in the morning and last thing off at night. He showed it to every stranger he met telling them with puffed out chest that his "boy" gave it to him. And, when he had his Moose Lodge meetings, he made sure his cufflinked sleeve was above it. And like clockwork, he'd say "I noticed you looking at my watch" (though of course, generally they weren't) and he'd brag on it and talk about how his eldest got it for him. ...and always.. sadly ALWAYS, he'd say "My youngest is a lazy thing and could never afford such a gift for his dear old Pop." It was painful and untruthful, but that was Sonny. The watch meant a lot to him but Iverna always wondered how it could mean more to him than his sons. But trying to make sense of Sonny was like trying to keep water in a bucket with holes.

Shower. Breakfast. Feeding the cat. "Paper work". Lunch. Nap. Supper and the 6 oclock news. All by the watch. He checked it all the time and wound it at 5 oclock every day. Just before his meal, he'd wind it. Though Iverna tried to name the look on his face when he did so, she could never quite get it. Regret? Not quite. Sadness? Not really. Something like a slow death, perhaps. A reset, maybe. A determination to live another day was close to it.

Some days the 18 years seemed like 100. Her sister would joke that it was 17 years too many when they'd talked about some of the racial slurs, the sexist slurs, the general meanness to everyone - except for the person being forced to 'admire' his watch, or of course his fellow men at The Lodge. There were moments of those 18 years that she'd seen a soft side of him. Moments she'd been close to defending the old guy. Generally those moments were at dinner, after his watch winding routine, when he didn't see her observing him as she put dinner on the table. He rarely complained at dinner. He might even pet Tommy instead of shooing him away with his foot like he did when 'doing paperwork' or watching the news.

He interupted her thoughts clunking his cane and shuffling along behind with his Old Spice thick in the air. "VERNA? Did you feed the......"

She smashed the coffeemaker carafe back into it's place and said "EYE-VERNA! You know that Sonny... and of course I fed Tommy. Have you EVER in the 10 years you've had him ask me that and heard me say No? Have you?" She darted the question at him with tired eyes.

"Well Goddammit Verna, you don't have to yell at me" as he shuffled into his chair. Then added "And it's been 9 years and a half"

She pushed his plate in front of him and took off for the other room.

"Aren't you going to eat with me, Verna?"

"EYE-VERNA! And no, why would I? Have I ever eaten with you?" she paused in the door looking back at him with furrowed brow and a snarl.

For the briefest moment his eyes looked so sad and defeated, and she almost caved.

"Well, I just thought that maybe today.... Godammit... nevermind. I wouldn't share a table with you anyway."

And with that, the briefest moment was over.

"Call me if you need me Sonny, I'm going for my break and calling my son."

"Suit yourself. " he retorted, putting his napkin into his shirt collar.

As a second thought, he called after her. "Don't forget to iron my shirt! Tonight's the Lodge if you don't remem....."

"SUN-NEEE!!... Yesterday my life was filled with Rain..... " she sang loud and deep over whatever it was he barked next.

Smiling a bit to herself she made her way to the sunshine of the patio and sat next to Tommy while dialing LeMarc's number.

-----

As she ironed his shirt that afternoon, she found herself in a grumble with no one. Of course she remembered to iron his shirt. She always remembered to iron his shirt. And tonight, of all nights, she'd not forget. She got to be rid of the man for a couple hours' peace with her son next door having dinner at the Crooked Spoon. She never stuck around once they had him out of the van, and had politely but insistently refused the invitation tonight. She thought of meeting LeMarc with joy in her heart as she ironed sleeves and collar and chased away thoughts of strangling the old man.

That day went on like it always did. She helped when he needed it. She avoided him when she could.

That evening she quietly helped him into his ironed shirt and assisted him with his cufflinks and tie. As she lent a hand with his sportscoat, he tried to hug her. She recoiled and he clung to her. She batted him away with disgust on her face and he looked almost childlike, then broke the spell with "Goddam you woman, I was just being friendly"

She straightened her dress, looked him in the eye and said "Sonny, you know good and well that you are not allowed to hug me"

"But I just thought that maybe today......"

"NO!" She enforced. "We've been through this before. When you hug, you cling. You grope. And today is the same as last year on this day and the year before and the year before. It's no and always no."

He moped a little, but grumbled and grunted and old-man coughed in his throat, cussing as they walked towards the door. She attempted to offer an arm down the ramp, but he refused it. She went and started the van and backed it towards the bottom of the ramp as he was approaching it. He nearly stumbled and she had to brake fast with heart beating. She threw it in park and walked to the back of the van where he was cussing a blue streak and claiming that she was trying to kill him "ON TODAY, of all days..." he sputtered. She took a deep breath and counted backwards, then opened the door and let him struggle himself inside.

They drove to the lodge in silence, him fiddling with his watch. It was 4:45 and she could tell he was itching to wind it, but wouldn't allow himself until 5, when they were due at the Lodge.

"Just wind the damn thing" she was surprised to hear herself say.

He looked over at her with shock. "Well goddamn Verna. I've never heard you cuss"

"EYE-V..... oh nevermind" she sighed. In 20 minutes she'd be with her boy and they'd laugh and eat scallops and talk of everything BUT Sonny, as was their promise to one another on Lodge nights.

But then, he added "It's kind of sexy" and she slammed on the brakes at the stopsign.

"GODDAMMIT WOMAN" he gasped and took a moment to get his breath.

She felt a little bad about it, but only a little. Then repeated what she'd said at least a thousand times in their 18 years together "Careful with that Sonny, one day the Good Lord's going to take you up on it"

He nervously fiddle with his watch and she heard the ticktickticktick of the winding. She said nothing.

As she turned into the parking lot, she pulled up to the drop off zone and went in to tell them he was here.

The place was decorated and the cake was there with 99 candles, she assumed. She didn't take the time to count.

The lovely older gentleman Russ latched her arm and gave her a warm smile, walking her out.

"Are you sure you won't stay Iverna?

"Oh yes Russ, more than sure. He's all yours. I'm headed next door for dinner with my son."

He laughed with a knowing look and walked her to the van where Sonny was trying to wrangle himself out of the van.

"GODDAMIT you two, I nearly froze to death out here waiting for you"

"Well hold on Mr Sunshine, I'm here to help" Russ joked with him, winking at Iverna.

She left the van there in the handicap spot and walked towards the restaurant as Russ shuffled Sonny into the lodge through the sliding doors.

She heard the "SURRRPRIIIIISE!!!!!" and looked back over her shoulder to see him collapse right in the sliding door.

Despite herself, she rushed back over.

By the time she got there the Moose had gathered around their fallen. Then Russ's ashen face rose above them.

"He's dead. My god, we killed him."

Several of his brethren were calling 911, but he was gone.

She stooped down, the nurse in her reflexively checked his pulse. There was none.

In the next moment, she noticed the watch down below the cufflink, there for all to see. The second hand was no longer moving.

"Well Goddam it Sonny, you finally did it, after 99 years" she whispered, then looked to the skies where the sun was setting handsomely and peacefully. It was the most glorious site this evening, full of reds, pinks and purples, with just a hint of blue.

She crossed herself and rose. His grieving brothers gathered around him and she quietly made her exit across the lot to the Crooked Spoon, half singing, half humming "I'm walking on Sunshine.. ohh ooo".

As the sound of the ambulance approached, she smiled and entered the double doors to see her beautiful son inside at "their" booth smiling back at her with a wave.